10 Things To Expect During The GOP Convention In Tampa

English: Hurricane Isaac

Tropical storm Isaac was the only featured speaker at the GOP convention on Monday (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The 2012 Republican National Convention had formally began on Monday in Tampa, Florida.  The convention schedule had been cut short due to the tropical storm Isaac, but the convention is expected to begin in full force on Tuesday.  Here are 10 things we should expect from the Republican Party convention.

1)  The GOP delegates will try to wrap up the process of Mitt Romney’s nomination as the official party candidate as soon as possible, so that they have to fake the excitement about Romney for one day less.

2)  Top Republican expert on rape Todd Akin will try to give a legitimate speech, while the party would try to find the ways to shut this thing down.

3)  Since the convention program had been cut short, Paul Ryan will distribute GOP Convention Vouchers instead of the actual speaking slots.

4)  Sara Palin, who was not invited to Tampa, will try to sneak into the convention center dressed as a mama grizzly.

5)  Reince Preibus, the Chairman of the Republican National Committee, will blame Barack Obama for the hurricane and extreme partisanship: while half the country is suffering from drought, Barack Obama chose to direct a tropical storm on GOP convention.

6)  Mitt Romney will give a program speech on Obamacare titled: “Mr. President, I did build that!”

7)  The GOP will make abortion ban a centerpiece of the party program and will officially ban the party members from discussing the abortion ban in public.

8)  99% of delegates at the convention will mention at least one of the following words in their speech: “Reagan”, “freedom”, or “tax cuts”.

9)  99% of the delegates at the convention will not mention any of the following words in their speeches: “bin Laden”, “legitimate”, or “tax returns”.

10)  The convention will features a large clock showing the current national debt.  The clock will not show which percentage of the debt had been voted for by the Republican majority and/or signed by a Republican president.

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Also blogging at listofx.wordpress.com
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11 Responses to 10 Things To Expect During The GOP Convention In Tampa

  1. Once again, excellent!

  2. Laura says:

    This looks really accurate.

  3. Scott Erb says:

    Rush Limbaugh did suggest that Obama influenced the storm prediction to get the GOP to cancel, and even that perhaps he’s influenced it to look like it’ll hit New Orleans to hurt the GOP by bringing up memories of Katrina. So he’s not that far from “5”!

    • List of X says:

      Hmm, I was actually going to put Rush in #5 originally, but I thought that mentioning him in two posts in a row would be too much honor for him. So went with Preibus who’s just like Rush but without the radio.

  4. andrewteach says:

    Well said X. These conventions are predictable and yet still shocking.

  5. Ape No. 1 says:

    Is it really safe to be surrounded by so many balloons during a tropical storm? I hope they have watched that movie Up and The Wizard of Oz in preparation for Isaac.

    • List of X says:

      I think the convention planners have thought of switching to bricks and anvils instead, but found out that they just don’t convey the spirit of celebration quite so much.

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