10 Ways To Celebrate Gun Appreciation Day

This is a selfmade image from the english wiki...

If you want to see some serious gun appreciation, head to your nearest Wal-Mart and ask them how much more they charge for the guns today than they did two months ago. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Only a few weeks after the Sandy Hook shooting, some conservative organizations are promoting a national Gun Appreciation Day to be observed on January 19, 2013.  This  holiday is meant to demonstrate the Americans’ unwavering dedication to guns and their devotion to the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution.  However, since this holiday has never been marked before, there is, understandably, some confusion on how exactly this day should be celebrated.  Here are 10 way to celebrate Gun Appreciation Day.

1)  Sign up for a gun safety seminar, and learn how to ensure that your gun is safe from the reach of the federal government.

2)  Have “The Talk” with your son: have a frank chat with him about the birds and the bees, and teach him which caliber is preferable for hunting which creature.

3)  Observe a minute of silence to pay respects to the victims of gun violence by only shooting firearms equipped with silencers during that minute.

4)  Take a class on how to properly oil your firearm.  NRA-certified experts will introduce you to the wide variety of oils and will show you how to gently and sensually rub the oil on the most delicate areas of your weapon.

5)  Learn about the true meanings of the 2nd Amendment: how the Founding Fathers meant it to say that Americans need assault weapons and high capacity magazines to protect themselves from Hitler, and how Hitler fraudulently wrote in “a well-regulated militia” into the Bill of Rights just before it was signed.

6)  Heed the words of wisdom that an armed society is a polite society, and use your gun to teach your kids some table manners.

7)  Hold a gun measuring contest, but remember: it’s not about the size, it’s how you use it.

8)  “Shoot Your Mouth Off And Meet New Friends” (a YouTube event). Shoot and upload a video in exercise of their 1st Amendment right, explaining which government officials you’ll be ready to kill in defense of your 2nd Amendment right. Winners of the contest will get to meet fellow plain-clothed gun owners, and if you do particularly well, they may even invite you to a stay-over at their place for a few days, or even longer!

9)  Educate other people on your 2nd amendment rights by exposing your concealed weapon to unsuspecting passerby’s.

10)  Because the Gun Appreciation Day is observed just two days before the Martin Luther King Day, you can take this opportunity to honor this great American civil rights hero, who in his famous speech said that he had a dream of a better world where all people would be free to own any kind of gun they want.  And of course, it is important to remember that a gun played a crucial role in Reverend King’s life.

And above all, don’t you give a damn about what other people say or do. This ain’t people appreciation day.

So, how are you planning to celebrate Gun Appreciation Day?

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Also blogging at listofx.wordpress.com
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45 Responses to 10 Ways To Celebrate Gun Appreciation Day

  1. Kylie says:

    I reblogged this. You’ve got to go read my post “Grim Satisfaction.” Seriously. I broke many of your Facebook rules and “appreciated” gun owners in my own ostensibly special way.

    • List of X says:

      I read your post and I watched your video, and I’ve followed you, for good measure :). You haven’t broken any of my Facebook rules, by the way: there weren’t any rule about not getting into pointless discussions with people who can’t be convinced by logical arguments. Remember, there are many ways to appreciate gun owners and you and I are just scratching the surface.

  2. Seb says:

    I don’t like guns, they make me very nervous (I have only ever owned one and I threw in into Lake Erie). Nor do I like the NRA. They really need to hire a public relations company to give their image and message a work-over. I don’t, however, like it when the president, who knows he can and will do nothing to actually change or enforce laws around gun ownership, decides to do some grandstanding in his own patented style, over the graves of 20 kids. I want to see something meaningful, pragmatic and practicable, not some plume of hot air meant to keep liberal consciousnesses warm on their beds at night before i will allow a jackass like Obama to do an end run around the constitution. Plus. I am dating a gal who grew up in Texas so when she reads this she is going to give me all kinds of good lovin’ :-)

    • List of X says:

      NRA is really not much more than a PR company for gun industry, with their PR aimed at prospective gun buyers to keep them buying guns and ammo, and they are doing an excellent job at it. A PR company hired to soften NRA’s image would only hurt the gun sales, and the only PR mishap NRA should worry about is to not bragging in public how Newtown and Aurora have been so great for the business
      I would also like to see something serious to be done, like mandating a background check on all gun sales, but with the Congress that can’t agree on what time of day it, and Senate Republicans filibustering anything that moves, there is no chance of any real change. So I expect that grandstanding and few cosmetic changes is the best we are going to get. At least it’s still better that “more bigger guns for all” solution that NRA is peddling.

      • Seb says:

        Well, yes – the NRA needs a better PR service, if only to make it less annoying. As for real chnage – the President knows he can’t do anything and he is a lame duck in any case so he will do whats he does best – make big windy speeches, promise a whole bunch of stuff he knows he can never deliver, would never work if he could but sounds good to his rainbow coalition of voters (or get his idiot VP to do it) and then blame the big bad republicans and spend three years in photo ops with celebrities. That guy has got it made!

        • List of X says:

          Personally, I’d rather have Obama not delivering anything, than have politicians like Romney, Paul Ryan, Santorum, or Bachmann fully delivering on the actions they’ve promised to take, like tax and benefit cuts, deregulation, further militarization. (I’m separating the promised actions from the supposed results they promised like “growing the economy” or “cutting the debt” because I seriously doubt they could actually deliver that, and also because every politician promises the same results). Last time we had a more moderate version of this group in power, we ended up with Great Recession, 2 decade-long wars, and twice the national debt.

  3. Laura says:

    This is so embarrassing. I thought it was Gum Appreciation Day, so I stocked up on the wrong stuff.

  4. bernasvibe says:

    **Glad you posted this..And to show how I feel about this so called appreciation day; here are a few facts about guns in our country…I love my country. But WE can do BETTER than this!…

    >The United States has the highest gun ownership rate in the world, 88.8 guns for every 100 people. Yemen — which the Washington Post calls “a conflict-torn Arab nation still dealing with poverty, political unrest, a separatist Shia insurgency, an al-Qaeda branch, and the aftereffects of a 1994 civil war” — is No. 2 at 54.8 per 100.
    > The U.S. gun homicide rate, 3.0 per 100,000 people, is about 10 times the average of the rest of NATO’s members, according to a Politifact analysis.
    >11,078 people were victims of gun homicide in the U.S. in 2010, according to the Centers for Disease Control. 55,544 people survived gunshots.
    >HOMES WITH FIREARMS HAVE THREE TIMES THE RISK OF HOMICIDE AND FIVE TIMES THE RISK OF SUICIDE AS OTHER HOMES ACCORDING TO A CDC STUDY, 1993.(which probably means the rates are HIGHER now!)
    > There are roughly 270 million guns in the United States, nearly one for every American, according to multiple surveys.
    >Around 40 percent of households has a gun, according to various estimates.
    >Including suicides and accidents, around 36,000 people die every year from a gunshot, the White House said Wednesday.
    >Federal law does not prohibit members of terrorist organizations from buying or owning guns.
    > An estimated 40 percent of guns are bought at gun shows, meaning the buyer does not have to undergo a background check.
    >Since the Newtown massacre on Dec. 14, more than 900 people have been killed by a gun in the United States. That number grows every day.

    • List of X says:

      Yes, there is a lot of useful statistics on guns. There’s that firearms are used in about 70% of homicides and suicides, there’s that treating a gunshot injury costs $14,000 on average, there’s that about 100 people are killed in their homes by intruders (which is what 300 million guns are supposedly meant to protect against). But I’ve seen people actually create their own statistics out of thin air, like that gang violence accounts for 70-80% of all homicides. Well, the actual number is 6%. However, about 75% of homicides are committed by family and friends. According to FBI, for those cases where a victim-murderer relationship (or lack thereof) was established (56% of homicides), 14% of homicide victims were killed by their wives and girlfriends!!! (to be clear, 14% of 56%, so 8% of all homicides) Only 3% by husbands and boyfriends. 45% are killed by friends and acquaintances.
      So if someone actually uses a gun against someone, the most likely victim will be the person holding it, then a friend, then a family member, and only then, maybe, it might be that scary stranger who is trying to break into your house. That’s some really messed up idea of personal protection, don’t you think?
      These were my sources:
      http://www2.fbi.gov/ucr/cius2008/offenses/expanded_information/homicide.html
      http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/content/pub/ascii/htus8008.txt

      • bernasvibe says:

        **Love the fact you posted your sources..Due to the comment that I just responded to from now on I’ll post my sources also. Will check back in to see if Bill posts his…I’m curious indeed

        • List of X says:

          Bill is correct: abortion do outnumber homicides by a factor of 85 (1.2 million abortions vs. 14K homicides – 2008 numbers). After I read his comment, I decided to verify and found 2004-2008 statistics from US Census, see report 103
          http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/cats/births_deaths_marriages_divorces/family_planning_abortions.html.
          However, in my personal opinion, abortion is not equivalent to murder. You cannot compare killing a walking, talking, thinking human being with killing a half-ounce lump of cells. The same census page has report 102 with breakdown of abortions by fetus age, and less than 12% of abortion happen after week 12. (Fetus weighs 0.49 oz on average at week 12 according to http://www.babycentre.co.uk/e1004000/average-fetal-length-and-weight-chart)

          • bernasvibe says:

            **@List of X’s comment..”However, in my personal opinion, abortion is not equivalent to murder. You cannot compare killing a walking, talking, thinking human being with killing a half-ounce lump of cells. …”

            >That is yet another deep topic for another time in my opinion..Bill, like many others in support of the loose gun laws in our country, do themselves a dis-service by distracting from the issue at hand. Doesn’t work with me regardless of the stats. I agree with you List of X that his comparison is much like comparing oranges to apples. The bottom line IS according the facts & stats on gun laws; including who can easily attain guns in our country…things are out of control. In addition it is AWFUL to have this so called gun appreciation day on the same holiday weekend as a man known for preaching non-violence. Though hardly by accident…Shameful!

    • Bill says:

      And how many of you civilized people have agreed with abortions that far outnumber all of your deaths listed here? Hypocrites???????????

      • bernasvibe says:

        **So I take it you’re “for” all of the above listed FACTS regarding guns in our country? We’re all entitled to our opinions. And I’d be interested to see the source & statistics you’re quoting from….Peace

      • List of X says:

        You are absolutely correct that abortions far outnumber homicides. I’ve provided more details in my other comment above, just don’t want to retype or copy/paste everything again. But I don’t think you can equate abortion with murder, at least not when if a fetus is not able to live and function outside of the womb on it’s own.

  5. Great list, I love the one about the silencer.

  6. stephenpruis says:

    Oh, this is precious! You are on the top of your game and you know what we do when we reach the top of our game . . . we shoot at it! So, we wery, wery careful my friend, heh, heh, heh.

  7. kstreet607 says:

    Reblogged this on The Fifth Column and commented:
    Great ideas on ways to celebrate “Gun Appreciation Day”. Thanks List Of X!

  8. Jueseppi B. says:

    Reblogged this on The ObamaCrat.Com™ and commented:
    Thanks to The Fifth Column, I just found this blog…and I love it!! Thank you List of X and Ms. Kstreet607.

  9. rossmurray1 says:

    This post gets a 21-gun salute. And by “21 guns” I mean “high fives,” which equals (math… math… math…) 4.25 fives. (Adds lame “divide and conquer” reference to seal pathetic nature of post comment.)

  10. lexsborgia says:

    Tight. 5-10 are gut splitting mate. Cheers.

  11. cestlavie22 says:

    I have to say I really would appreciate guns for a day. I notice that you said that “size doesnt matter its what you do with them” would it be highly immature to say “thats what she said?”

  12. The Hook says:

    This was brilliant. Thank you.

  13. John Liming says:

    Reblogged this on American Liberal Times and commented:
    I thought this was prime stuff – – I really liked it and I am re-blogging it! It makes some sense and is a hoot at the same time! Diggin’ it! Diggin’ It!

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