As you might know, the United States government is expected to run out of money by October, and the country will default on its debt, unless Congress raises the debt limit. However, the Republican majority in the House of Representatives is threatening that unless Affordable Care Act (commonly known as ”Obamacare”) is defunded, GOP will allow the shutdown of the government and the default on the debt. And that’s after the Republicans had 42 formal votes to repeal Obamacare. Clearly, Republicans see Obamacare as a bigger threat to the country than default on the debt, unemployment, terrorism, outsourcing, or global warming. So what exactly is so sinister about getting heath insurance to few more millions of people? Here are 10 ways how Obamacare will destroy America, unless Republicans stop it.
1) Once every American becomes insured, people will be getting medical treatments for all ailments instead of using their immune systems to fight the disease. With the immune system no longer at work, it will be pushed into irrelevance, until eventually, all Americans will lose their immune system altogether and will succumb to the common cold and mosquito bites.
2) Because Congress and all Congressional staff will be covered under Obamacare, Barack Obama will now control the health insurance for all members of the House and Senate. Just like many other working Americans, the legislators will be afraid of losing their Obama health isurance and wouldn’t dare to contradict the President. The legislative branch will be under full control of Barack Obama, effectively turning him into a dictator.
3) The government will use the healthcare mandate to make everyone eat broccoli every day with every meal. Americans will eat enormous amounts of broccoli, and their digestive systems will release tons of methane every day as a by-product. Since methane is about 70 times more effective greenhouse gas than CO2, the greenhouse effect will make the climate exponentially hotter in just a few years, and the entire planet surface will turn into a scorched and unlivable desert.
4) While Obamacare remains the law, the Congressional Republicans will hold daily votes to repeal it, wasting millions of dollars with every vote. As long as the law is still on the books, their continued repeal attempts will eventually drain all the money from the United States treasury and the country will go broke.
5) Also, Congress’ preoocupation with Obamacare repeal will paralyze all other law-making activity, including the Congress’ primary purpose, which is naming and re-naming various post offices. Without the properly named post offices, the United States Postal Service will not be able to deliver any mail, the mail delivery system will fall apart, and the American economy, 55% of which is junk-mail based, will collapse and will never recover.
6) People under 26 who are allowed to remain on their parents’ health insurance will be lulled into a sense of security that their injuries will be covered by the parents’ plan, and will engage in dangerous activities like mountain climbing, base jumping, alligator wrestling, wet cement diving, porcupine riding, rattlesnake weaving, and walking around without a gun. As a result, most of these reckless youngsters will die before they have children of their own, and the American population will steadily decrease, until the severely depopulated United States is taken over by Canada.
7) People who get sick will worry about “death panels” making decisions on whether they should live or die. Since these death panels don’t actually exist, anyone waiting for a panel’s decision would have to wait for a very, very long time. The waiting and constant worry will raise the levels of anxiety in the patients and their relatives with every single day. The mental health of most American citizen will steadily decline until it reaches the critical point, and the entire country becomes engulfed by the maniacal riots.
8) Because of Obamacare, the Medicare will uncontrollably expand to more and more people, until it covers everyone in the US, then everyone in the North America, then everyone on Earth, then everyone in the Solar system, and so on, and so on. Eventually it will extend so far to reach a race of highly developed aliens with a very short temper and a low tolerance for health insurance, who will react to Obamacare by flying to our planet and attacking us with antimatter missiles. The explosion will destroy everything on Earth, except for the requirement to buy health insurance.
9) The government will have to provide a copy of the 2000 pages long law, along with all the accompanying regulations, clarifications, changes, updates, training and supporting documents to every state, city, town, county office, to every employer, every insurer, and every doctor, so that it could be implemented. The amount of paper it would take to print all these pages will require cutting down 93.8% of the world’s forests. Without the trees to produce oxygen and absorb the pollution, human civilization won’t last a year.
10) Obamacare contains the requirement that insurers must cover all pre-exising conditions, and death is definitely a pre-exising condition for someone who’s already dead. Therefore, when Zombie Apocalypse occurs, doctors and hospitals will be forced to provide medical services to zombies instead of helping the human resistance, thus ensuring an easy victory for the zombies.
Oh, and Obamacare is apparently much worse if you are an employer.
Feel free to share your own horror story about how Obamacare will destroy your life.