10 Ways How Obamacare Will Destroy America

English: President Barack Obama's signature on...

The president’s signature on the Affordable Care Act.  The very signature makes it clear that Barack Obama knew of the disasters Obamacare would bring to the country: just look how badly his hand was shaking while he was signing his name. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

As you might know, the United States government is expected to run out of money by October, and the country will default on its debt, unless Congress raises the debt limit. However, the Republican majority in the House of Representatives is threatening that unless Affordable Care Act (commonly known as “Obamacare”) is defunded, GOP will allow the shutdown of the government and the default on the debt.  And that’s after the Republicans had 42 formal votes to repeal Obamacare.  Clearly, Republicans see Obamacare as a bigger threat to the country than default on the debt, unemployment, terrorism, outsourcing, or global warming.  So what exactly is so sinister about getting heath insurance to few more millions of people?  Here are 10 ways how Obamacare will destroy America, unless Republicans stop it.

1)  Once every American becomes insured, people will be getting medical treatments for all ailments instead of using their immune systems to fight the disease.  With the immune system no longer at work, it will be pushed into irrelevance, until eventually, all Americans will lose their immune system altogether and will succumb to the common cold and mosquito bites.

2)  Because Congress and all Congressional staff will be covered under Obamacare, Barack Obama will now control the health insurance for all members of the House and Senate. Just like many other working Americans, the legislators will be afraid of losing their Obama health isurance and wouldn’t dare to contradict the President.  The legislative branch will be under full control of Barack Obama, effectively turning him into a dictator.

3)  The government will use the healthcare mandate to make everyone eat broccoli every day with every meal. Americans will eat enormous amounts of broccoli, and their digestive systems will release tons of methane every day as a by-product. Since methane is about 70 times more effective greenhouse gas than CO2, the greenhouse effect will make the climate exponentially hotter in just a few years, and the entire planet surface will turn into a scorched and unlivable desert.

4)  While Obamacare remains the law, the Congressional Republicans will hold daily votes to repeal it, wasting millions of dollars with every vote.  As long as the law is still on the books, their continued repeal attempts will eventually drain all the money from the United States treasury and the country will go broke.

5)  Also, Congress’ preoocupation with Obamacare repeal will paralyze all other law-making activity, including the Congress’ primary purpose, which is naming and re-naming various post offices. Without the properly named post offices, the United States Postal Service will not be able to deliver any mail, the mail delivery system will fall apart, and the American economy, 55% of which is junk-mail based, will collapse and will never recover.

6)  People under 26 who are allowed to remain on their parents’ health insurance will be lulled into a sense of security that their injuries will be covered by the parents’ plan, and will engage in dangerous activities like mountain climbing, base jumping, alligator wrestling, wet cement diving, porcupine riding, rattlesnake weaving, and walking around without a gun. As a result, most of these reckless youngsters will die before they have children of their own, and the American population will steadily decrease, until the severely depopulated United States is taken over by Canada.

7)  People who get sick will worry about “death panels” making decisions on whether they should live or die. Since these death panels don’t actually exist, anyone waiting for a panel’s decision would have to wait for a very, very long time.  The waiting and constant worry will raise the levels of anxiety in the patients and their relatives with every single day.  The mental health of most American citizen will steadily decline until it reaches the critical point, and the entire country becomes engulfed by the maniacal riots.

8)  Because of Obamacare, the Medicare will uncontrollably expand to more and more people, until it covers everyone in the US, then everyone in the North America, then everyone on Earth, then everyone in the Solar system, and so on, and so on. Eventually it will extend so far to reach a race of highly developed aliens with a very short temper and a low tolerance for health insurance, who will react to Obamacare by flying to our planet and attacking us with antimatter missiles. The explosion will destroy everything on Earth, except for the requirement to buy health insurance.

9)  The government will have to provide a copy of the 2000 pages long law, along with all the accompanying regulations, clarifications, changes, updates, training and supporting documents to every state, city, town, county office, to every employer, every insurer, and every doctor, so that it could be implemented.  The amount of paper it would take to print all these pages will require cutting down 93.8% of the world’s forests.  Without the trees to produce oxygen and absorb the pollution, human civilization won’t last a year.

10)  Obamacare contains the requirement that insurers must cover all pre-exising conditions, and death is definitely a pre-exising condition for someone who’s already dead. Therefore, when Zombie Apocalypse occurs, doctors and hospitals will be forced to provide medical services to zombies instead of helping the human resistance, thus ensuring an easy victory for the zombies.

Oh, and Obamacare is apparently much worse if you are an employer.

Feel free to share your own horror story about how Obamacare will destroy your life.

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Also blogging at listofx.wordpress.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

69 Responses to 10 Ways How Obamacare Will Destroy America

  1. Laura says:

    The zombie apocalypse is really going to confuse those death panels.

  2. Ankur Mithal says:

    Deeply thought through and well argued. Besides, as America always saves the world (don’t you see Hollywood movies), America’s destruction will lead to an end to the world as we know it.

  3. Katie says:

    I’m just looking forward to losing my immune system because I think I’ll lose a few pounds as a result.

  4. bernasvibe says:

    X…As usual you always hit the topics/matters that matter to the majority of US..This is a topic near & dear to my heart for it will impact every, single person I know AND in a positive manner..Honestly can’t name not one of the Obamacare benefits that will not help a member of my enormous family/extended family of friends stay healthy/healthier..One of the things my now-deceased fraternal Grandma used to say was @ When/If you’ve got your health you’ve won half the battle! I happen to agree with that & very glad to see that President Obama feels that way also..Could go on & on & on about this topic so I’ll stop there..I always pick a fave but this is another difficult one to choose a fave! But I don’t want to break my record so I’m forced to choose #6…And yep, that benefit positively affects 2 of my sons while in college. Congrats on a fantastic & informative write. 2 thumbs UP!

    • Carrie Rubin says:

      Well said! With all the political grumbling, the wonderful benefits of the law get lost in the shuffle. These are what people should be focused on, not the partisan bickering.

      Great post Master X!

    • List of X says:

      I’m sure there has to be something wrong with Obamacare – I mean, it’s thousands of pages long, so it’s can’t be all roses and unicorns :) For example, I don’t know if any member of your extendend family ever goes to a tanning salon, but if they do, they now pay an extra 10% tax. Of course, if the tax made them go to a tanning salon less, that’s definitely a health benefit. :)
      My problem with Obamacare is that it doesn’t really addresses the enormous cost of our medicine, so anyone who falls through the cracks – and some people will (if not, we can always count on Republican politicans to push them there) – they will still have to choose between bankruptcy and death. I hope it’s just a first step to a nationwide healthcare, and I hope I live long enough to see it.

      • bernasvibe says:

        Waving X..I agree @ It IS a first step..Breaking the ice..Had to actually START somewhere as no one else had..And isn’t the 1st step in anything always the hardest? (has been for me personally…lots of times & still) Mayhaps if there hadn’t been so much ignorant resistance alot MORE of what was in the initial proposed Obamacare plan would’ve made it onto the final pages..Guess who also fought with the Repugnants? Pharmacuetical companies..Who ARE the biggest drug dealers that exist on our planet..Or least in my opinion..I don’t believe in perfection; I do however believe in dealing with and appreciating good-enough-for-now things when I recognize it has arrived. On a completely different topic..It is raining so much out here I just might melt if I’m not mindful..OMG that is still one thing I’m not used to on this coast! Green and beautiful scenery but the WET..Thanking God for hairspray & umbrellas, lol!

  5. Ape No. 1 says:

    Regardless of which of these points, if not all, come true somehow the answer will involve firing a nuclear warhead into a rock in space.

  6. Pyx says:

    Ah yes memories. The good ole days of my Socialist Canadian youth where I spent my time rattle snake weaving, badger bowling and skunk juggling… the things we got up to knowing we could see a doctor!

    • List of X says:

      You could start wearing an “I survived socialized medicine, so can you” T-shirt. But I heard doctors make you wait several month before seeing you after you do skunk juggling.

  7. Any Republican would find all of these totally believable. I believe they are featured on Fox News.

  8. Jackie Saulmon Ramirez says:

    The main reason I voted for Obama was so my friend in North Carolina could go to the doctor when she needs to. As it was, their fluctuating jobs meant that they had no insurance most of the time or when they did, they were denied under the “pre-existing” umbrella. BUT, because my friend and her convicted-felon husband are gun-loving freaks, we are (very sadly) no longer friends so I will revel in my joy for ObamaCare alone with my husband (we have great insurance). My ex-friend will not recognize she and her husband were cutting their own throats. :(

  9. Broccoli is what I worry about, because the gas… can make cars work or light up a house! Lots of love, Emily

  10. john zande says:

    There’s a brilliant short story in #10 :)

    Excellent list, yet again!

  11. Jueseppi B. says:

    Reblogged this on The ObamaCrat™ and commented:
    This is satire/comedy, don’t allow the title to fool you.

  12. The Cutter says:

    This has been very eye-opening, and now I’m fully against Obamacare.

    I don’t know if its always been that way, but it seems like politicians have become even more bi-partisan than before. It’s like they don’t even care what gets accomplished, they just want to spite the other side.

    • List of X says:

      The partisanship has gotten much worse since Obama got elected, and Republicans should get most of the blame for it. Obamacare is actually a perfect example: it was proposed by a Republican think tank in the 90′s, first implemented by a Republican governor, but because a Democratic president thought it was a god idea, GOP will fight to the death against it.

  13. Huffygirl says:

    11. I will lose my job because I work in a free clinic for people without insurance. Everyone will have insurance under Obamacare and my clinic will close. I’ll be forced to get a new job at the jail, where the prisoners will hold me captive, causing my husband to take off with some floozy. My grandchildren will grow up without reliable grandparents and become no-good, pot-smoking slackers.
    PS: Take a look at my blog tomorrow – I have something ready along a similar theme that you might like.

    • List of X says:

      Yes, that definitely sounds scary. But in the real life, there’ll still be enough uninsured that the free clinics will still be needed. And I remember you treat the Amish, sometimes; do they even get insurance?

  14. I am planning on developing multiple health problems just to see if the system really works… wish me luck… stop smoking my ass!

  15. ummm… that last part sounded wrong… I don’t actually smoke my own ass… I just haven’t quit cigarettes yet and… never mind…

    • List of X says:

      Don’t worry, I understood what you meant in the first comment.  It took me a couple of minutes to process, but I got there eventually.  By the way – the tendency to excessively apologize and clarify – that should be covered under Obamacare!

  16. I also didn’t mean for it to sound like I was implying that you smoke my ass… because I know you would never do that… right?

  17. rossmurray1 says:

    What doom-laden, paranoid brilliance.

  18. Sherry says:

    I’m pretty sure I hurt something reading this. I’ll check with my insurance carrier and get back with ya.

  19. I hope that Obamacare doesn’t cover your wonderful mental illness, X. That would be a terrible shame…

  20. Zombies eat brains, not broccoli. This can’t end well.

  21. Okay, I don’t know these are all so well so, conspiracy nut case laden I don’t know which to love more….I think I will pick pouringmyartout and his smoking ass.

  22. well, #9 is clearly guaranteed…. for the rest, we will just have to wait and see.

  23. draliman says:

    Brilliant! And thanks for the factual introduction (so UK people like me can understand the issue before reading the pitfalls).
    I’m totally with you on point 6. Since healthcare is free in the UK, I myself have already diced with death many times by base jumping into wet cement while riding a porcupine. I’m still here – others weren’t so lucky :-)

  24. All very horrifying scenarios. But for some reason number 3 gave me the most chills. Not a big fan of broccoli or methane.

    • List of X says:

      Next time, if anyone asks you why you don’t like broccoli, you can explain that you don’t want to contribute to the global warming. Of course, no one will probably ask you that, because no one ever likes broccoli.

  25. Pingback: Obamacare or Jobs | nebraskaenergyobserver

  26. Pingback: Obamacare or Jobs « Sago

  27. Pingback: US Can Meet its Climate Targets by Implementing the President's Climate Action Plan - What About Pollution | What About Pollution

  28. WordsFallFromMyEyes says:

    Another interesting list, though I’m not sure I agree with your sentiment behind it. I’ve heard some positive things, but I’m way way way over here in Australia. If you see any comments by Valentine Logar on my blog, you could check her blog out – she’s political too. She said there’s a lot of mistruth and speculation out there. I really don’t think the immune system will become defunct as people simply don’t have time to have every ailment tested. They have to work, keep on going – there’s sporty people who don’t visit doctors so much etc. Not sure about that one…
    But definitely an interesting post.

    • List of X says:

      This list (as every list on my blog) is satire, so there is only part truth in what I write. But even satire is can be more accurate than what is presented by some media outlets as “news”. So, of course, there’s no risk immune system won’t become obsolete – but just in case, I’ll go take my vitamins now.
      I actually follow Valentine’s blog already – so I’ll go check out yours :)

I can see you have something to say...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s