Mitt Romney, the presumptuous presumed Republican nominee. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Not a usual list this time….

By this point in the campaign, Mitt Romney is now extremely capable of answering the most difficult questions without actually answering them.  So let’s imagine what would happen if someone had asked Mitt Romney during an interview whether 2 plus 2 equals to 4…

“Governor Romney, welcome to our program.  The question that I would like to pose to you today, Governor, is this: do you agree that 2 + 2 = 4?”

“Well, you have to look at that in the historical perspective, we need to try to think as our founding fathers did, we need to understand it in historical context. This is, of course, a very difficult question, and it impacts the lives of middle class residents every day. And yet, after 3 and a half years in the White House, and with two of these years with full control of the House and the Senate, Obama’s administration had never actually tackled the question. And this is, of course, is a very simple question.”

“Actually, Barack Obama has argued a few times that 2+2=4. However, Congress had blocked that legislation twice.”

“Well, my position on that would be a complete opposite of Obama’s position.”

“By “complete opposite”, do you mean to say that, in your opinion, 2+2= -4, or that 4=2+2?”

“I stand by what I have said.”

“Governor Romney, when you were running for governor of Massachusetts, you have promised the voters that 2+2=4. Would you say your position has changed over the years?”

“Well, no, of course not, it has not. But I think you would agree that what may have worked for Massachusetts, just may not be a good idea at a federal level. I just don’t think that the federal government should have the authority to regulate that 2+2= 4. Obviously, if you go to places like Louisiana and Mississippi, and ask the good hard-working people there, many of them would not agree with you that 2+2=4. And our country obviously needs more educated people like that, people who are not afraid to think for themselves, in order to able to compete globally. And if you look at my business experience, you will know that I am the best person to lead the country in the global markets.”

“Governor, as you may know, some Democrats have claimed that you don’t actually have any position on whether 2+2=4. Would you care to comment on that?”

“When they say that I don’t have a position on whether 2+2=4, that’s, you know, that’s clearly a character assassination. I do have a strong opinion on the matter. And I am just disgusted that Obama campaign would stoop so low to make such baseless accusations. Because, as you know, the unemployment had been sky-high at over 8% for almost 4 years, and yet they choose to resort to smear campaigns and playing political games instead of creating jobs. Of course, I have position on that.”

“And your position is?”

“My position is that Barack Obama has failed the country.”

“Ok. So what is your position on whether 2+2=4, Governor?”

“Well, I think I have made my position perfectly clear in the course of this interview. I mean, Simpson-Bowles commission had looked at it in detail and, apparently, it is mathematically possible. But we have to look at the big picture, and we need to determine how it will affect jobs, deficits, and middle class. That’s why I support the Congressman Ryan’s budget plan, because I think it contains some really good long term projections of what 2+2 will be equal to in the future, and what can be done about it.”

“Some very good economists looked at the Paul Ryan budget plan, and according to their estimates, for the middle class it will be 2+2=3, while for top 1% it would be 2+2=4,000,000. Do you think that’s fair? Actually, I think we may not have the time to talk about the fairness today, but before we run out of time, Governor, I would like to ask you one last time if you can give an quick and simple answer on whether 2+2=4 or not.”

“Well, you know, I am not about looking for quick and simple answers. What we need is a long term solution, and I can tell you that once I become president, I will address that on my very first day on the job. But, as I have said, I am not about providing quick answers and rash decisions, so I plan to address that late in the afternoon of my first day in the Oval Office.”

“Thank you, Governor, for coming to the program, and I cannot wait to hear your perspective on whether Earth is round and whether water is wet during our next program.”

“Thank you for having me, and I am glad that we have been able to talk about the real issues today.”