Only a few weeks after the Sandy Hook shooting, some conservative organizations are promoting a national Gun Appreciation Day to be observed on January 19, 2013. This holiday is meant to demonstrate the Americans’ unwavering dedication to guns and their devotion to the 2nd Amendment to the Constitution. However, since this holiday has never been marked before, there is, understandably, some confusion on how exactly this day should be celebrated. Here are 10 way to celebrate Gun Appreciation Day.
1) Sign up for a gun safety seminar, and learn how to ensure that your gun is safe from the reach of the federal government.
2) Have “The Talk” with your son: have a frank chat with him about the birds and the bees, and teach him which caliber is preferable for hunting which creature.
3) Observe a minute of silence to pay respects to the victims of gun violence by only shooting firearms equipped with silencers during that minute.
4) Take a class on how to properly oil your firearm. NRA-certified experts will introduce you to the wide variety of oils and will show you how to gently and sensually rub the oil on the most delicate areas of your weapon.
5) Learn about the true meanings of the 2nd Amendment: how the Founding Fathers meant it to say that Americans need assault weapons and high capacity magazines to protect themselves from Hitler, and how Hitler fraudulently wrote in “a well-regulated militia” into the Bill of Rights just before it was signed.
6) Heed the words of wisdom that an armed society is a polite society, and use your gun to teach your kids some table manners.
7) Hold a gun measuring contest, but remember: it’s not about the size, it’s how you use it.
8) “Shoot Your Mouth Off And Meet New Friends” (a YouTube event). Shoot and upload a video in exercise of their 1st Amendment right, explaining which government officials you’ll be ready to kill in defense of your 2nd Amendment right. Winners of the contest will get to meet fellow plain-clothed gun owners, and if you do particularly well, they may even invite you to a stay-over at their place for a few days, or even longer!
9) Educate other people on your 2nd amendment rights by exposing your concealed weapon to unsuspecting passerby’s.
10) Because the Gun Appreciation Day is observed just two days before the Martin Luther King Day, you can take this opportunity to honor this great American civil rights hero, who in his famous speech said that he had a dream of a better world where all people would be free to own any kind of gun they want. And of course, it is important to remember that a gun played a crucial role in Reverend King’s life.
And above all, don’t you give a damn about what other people say or do. This ain’t people appreciation day.
So, how are you planning to celebrate Gun Appreciation Day?