10 Reasons Why You Need To Carry A Concealed Gun To Church

Posted on February 6, 2013 by List of X
Read the list of 10 Commandments closely. As you can clearly see, none of them actually says "Thou shall not bring a concealed gun into the House of Lord".

Read the list of 10 Commandments closely. As you can clearly see, none of them actually say “Thou shall not bring thy concealed gun into the House of the Lord”.

This week, Arkansas state legislature passed a law allowing citizens to carry concealed firearms into churches, synagogues, mosques, and other houses of worships.  Though, since it’s Arkansas, this list can easily be shortened to just “churches”.  Here are 10 reasons why the law allows people to bring a concealed gun to church in Arkansas.

1)  After seeing so many recent articles about gun violence, God just doesn’t feel safe anymore.

2)  Legislators are reacting to multiple disturbing reports of worshipers who had been accosted in church by people demanding they hand over their money and place it on a plate.

3)  The altar boys have to defend themselves from the Catholic priests.

4)  This law is just a first step to passing legislation that would finally allow Americans to carry concealed weapons into Heaven.

5)  What if people in church are attacked by Satan during prayer? Well, sure, it hasn’t happened yet, but then the government hasn’t yet tried to take away our guns either!

6)  If it’s legal to carry a concealed cross to a shooting range, it should be legal to carry a concealed gun to a church.

7)  Arkansas state legislature is filled with closeted Atheists who arrogantly presume that Jesus won’t save anyone.

8)  Because some gun owners secretly pray for an opportunity to take down a bad guy, they should have their gun with them wherever they pray.

9)  We shouldn’t have to carry a gun to church openly because God doesn’t need to know about it.

10)  Armed people prevent a lot of unnecessary deaths. Face it, if Jesus had armed guards, he wouldn’t have had to die for our sins.

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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25 Responses to 10 Reasons Why You Need To Carry A Concealed Gun To Church

  1. Ankur Mithal says:
    February 7, 2013 at 12:25 am

    Did you mean “wherever they prey” in no.9?

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  2. 1pointperspective says:
    February 7, 2013 at 6:50 am

    #13. The place is littered with snakes.

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  3. amaya73 says:
    February 7, 2013 at 10:19 am

    Reblogged this on TheBrabbleRabble and commented:
    Read this and follow List of X!

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  4. stephenpruis says:
    February 7, 2013 at 10:40 am

    Brilliant, brilliant I tells yuh!

    How about:
    #11 God is all knowing so he knows about the gun and it is a private matter, a matter of faith, so no one else needs to know.

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  5. ElizaAnderson says:
    February 7, 2013 at 2:34 pm

    ❤ number 7. I lol'd. And Jesus DID have an armed guard, because one of his disciples (Peter in one version) cut off one of the arrester's ears…but Jesus told him to put his sword away. I'm assuming these people would say that Jesus would not have said that if it were a gun instead.

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  6. hughcurtlerHugh Curtler says:
    February 7, 2013 at 4:06 pm

    Regarding #4, I heard St. Peter checks all guns at the Pearly Gates.

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  7. Sherry says:
    February 7, 2013 at 4:09 pm

    irreverent! lol..

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  8. btg5885 says:
    February 7, 2013 at 9:24 pm

    Is the joke the ten things or that the Arkansas legislature passed the law. Surely, the joke is the Arkansas legislature passed the law. Surely……

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  9. Valentine Logar says:
    February 9, 2013 at 7:29 am

    I can only thank Amaya for sending me over here. I am altogether certain Rick ‘the ijit’ Perry will see this and slap his own forehead, wondering why he didn’t think of it first.

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    • List of X says:
      February 9, 2013 at 4:41 pm

      Thank you for visiting, and to Amaya for sending you here 🙂 In your comment. you’ve already given the reason why Rick Perry didn’t think of it. He’s probably still trying to remember that third federal agency he was going to shut down if he were president.

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  10. pouringmyartout says:
    February 9, 2013 at 10:03 am

    okay… thats funny…

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  11. The Hook says:
    February 9, 2013 at 10:26 am

    Those were actually some good reasons…
    What a world we live in, right?

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  12. aliceatwonderland says:
    May 29, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    To think I thought it strange when a church I used to attend with my husband started offering concealed handgun classes – in the church building. Because Jesus was totally packing heat, you know.

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