When the entire government is broken and dysfunctional, it’s a miracle that the presidential limo lasted that long….
Earlier this week, President Barack Obama had arrived to Israel for an official visit, and his official presidential limousine had been delivered to Israel as well. However, just before Obama landed in Israel, the presidential limo malfunctioned and had to be towed. The official explanation for that unfortunate incident was that the driver filled the gas tank with the wrong type of fuel, but can we really trust the official versions? Of course, we can’t! So, here are 10 REAL reasons why the presidential limousine broke down.
1) As the limousine was passing through airport security before the flight to Israel, TSA confiscated all of the car’s motor oil and other liquids.
2) The car was ok, but the Obama’s administration had to take it off the road when they couldn’t produce a long-form car title certificate demanded by Donald Trump.
3) Republican Senate leader Mitch McConnell filibustered the brake line.
4) Someone in Obama administration decided that it’s time for the car to use renewable energy, and filled the gas tank with the solar panels.
5) The car had been modified for 2012 Barack Obama re-election campaign, and “Forward!” was the only direction it could go.
6) Due to the budget sequestration, all engine belts had been tightened, and 8% of the engine’s parts have been cut.
7) Someone slapped Romney/Ryan 2012 bumper sticker on the car, and it burned through the rear fender.
8) As a condition of admitting the car into the country, Israeli Supreme Rabbinate circumcised the car’s exhaust pipe.
9) Republicans, having failed to make Obama a one-term president, still managed to make Obama’s car a one-term presidential limo.
10) The limousine was prepared for the overseas visit by the Carnival Cruise line.
Are there any car experts reading this? Any ideas why Obama’s car malfunctioned?
P.S. On a side note, a guest post I wrote for The Official How To Blog has been Freshly Pressed this week. I know some of you have seen it, but if you haven’t, please feel free to check it out: How To Write A Blog: 10 Obligatory Blog Posts Every Blogger Has To Write At Least Once.
List of X 
This post reminded me if why I used to read your blog religiously. Great stuff.
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Thank you! And you’re always welcome to guest post again.
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Good one X.. 🙂
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Thank you, G? (Is this how I should call you? My Persian is really rusty 🙂 )
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unfortunately i dont have a english nickname. may be you could help me by writing a topic like “10 nicknames for a persian blogger to choose from’ :))
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I can’t think of 10 nicknames, but how about this tag line: “This blog is written for entirely peaceful purposes”?
🙂
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How about the logo? It can still reveal the military aspects of it
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The logo looks peaceful enough to pass any UN inspection.
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#9 is my fave..and might have some truth to it. Never know..2 thumbs UP as usual
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If I had to guess, I’d say GOP must have been somehow involved. I wouldn’t be surprised if Obama blamed G.W.Bush’ policies for this.
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>Lmao! Sounds good..
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This is great. Love #7! Congrats on the Freshly Pressed!
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Thank you! And congratulations to you on your FP!
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Thanks. 🙂
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I have no real favorites, however I expect #7 is the real reason.
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I would think it could be fixed with some holy water, but not every auto mechanic has it in their shop.
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Congrats on getting Freshly Pressed. I hate you. 🙂
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Thank you! Please don’t hate me, I had absolutely nothing to do with this. That was mostly luck of the draw, I think.
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Your posts are brilliant! Funny, with an edge and tinged with hard truth. That is why you were picked. I hope you gained many followers.
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Thank you! That’s probably the best compliment to my blog I have ever heard. But no need to overcompensate for “I hate you”, I knew it was a joke. 🙂 🙂
I did gain a few followers, but not nearly as many as TOHTB blog for which I wrote that post. It’ll take me years to get the number of followers it gained in a week.
Hopefully, you’re getting back to writing soon – remember, you can’t get Freshly Pressed if you don’t write anything. 🙂
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I was afraid of that, but hey, if you get too many followers, you’ll be Lamestream. I will be writing again soon, thank you. I still hate you.
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How did I miss that you were FP’d? Oh, right, because I’m sleep-deprived and barely able to get on the computer, much less navigate it. Well, congratulations! I hope the limo you get for your newfound status is of higher quality.
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Thank you! I don’t blame you for missing it. After carefully selecting blogs we follow, the reader is usually more interesting that FP page, so what’s the point of going there? (Unless you or someone you know is on it, of course)
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How do you come up with all these? I am just in awe.
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It’s not that hard, actually. Sometimes, you just look at the headline, and the wisecracks start to pile up by themselves.
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No, it is a special kind of talent.
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It’s not my policy to argue with compliments… so thank you.
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I can give you ten reasons why that is a good policy.
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🙂
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I’m especially liking 1, 6 and 10, although I do think the sequester would likely cut 20% of the engine parts.
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You’re probably right, the sequester probably wouldn’t touch the important stuff like ashtrays and the upholstery, but would cut 20% of the useless parts like engine cylinders and axles.
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congrats on being freshly pressed!
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Thank you, Sherry!
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Congrats on the FP!
I’m thinking #11 may have been some of those unscrupulous middle eastern service station owners saw the out-of-state tags and deep pockets and concocted the problem. They probably told him it was the “meshuggahnator belt” or the “falafel capacitor”. Tourists are easy pickings for those crafty rascals.
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Yes, that sounds very plausible. Although own mechanic is Lebanese, he’s been really good about not pressuring me into paying for any bogus repairs. But when he showed me what’s under the hood, I saw for myself that the falafel capacitor did look kind of rusty and oily, so I’m going back to replace it tomorrow.
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You gotta change the oil or they end up tasting bad
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“The limo failed to start, and required towing in Jerusalem at 10 a.m. local time. Obama, who landed in Tel Aviv around noon, was not in the country at the time the limo was towed. A second presidential limo was brought to transport Obama.”
I’m glad the top investigative journalists at CNN were able to bring us this incredibly important news story.
(Oh, and congrats on the FP).
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In fairness to CNN, this story wasn’t on CNN’s front page – I stumbled upon it accidentally at some blog. No, CNN had carried much more important front page stories on how the lives of Steubenville rapists had been ruined by the trial.
(Oh, and thank you).
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They are all great…but #7 is HILARIOUS!!…and #3..
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Thank you!
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Oh no! Obamacare killed his limousine. Literally.
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Could be. Maybe all of Obamacare’s burdensome regulations strangled the engine. But on the plus side, starting in 2014, Obamacare will cover all of the car’s pre-existing mechanical problems.
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This is the only kind of international news I can stand to follow.
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Thank you. I am committed to writing only about the most important breaking news stories, like the one about presidential limo breaking down.
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Being a australian, I think 5 should be
“The car was a second-hand from Julia Gillard, so “Forward” was the only way it could go”
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If the car came from Julia Gillard, then it could be that Obama’s left-wing administration just couldn’t handle the fact that the steering wheel was on the right.
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Damn. Why the hell did I not think of that?
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More importantly, why didn’t Julia Gillard think of that?
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LOL. Your humour amazes me. I shall keep moving forward and follow your blog.
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Thank you for following. Now I also have to go forward and think of something new to post.
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Congrats on being Pressed!
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Thank you!
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Thanks for the laugh.
Congratulations on being FPed!
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Thank you!
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Whoever was pumping gas that day screwed up bad. I mean c’mon. Such an easy job. Unless it was a saboteur, but that’s a pretty pathetic attempt at sabotage.
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Any chance the limo was hit by that Grad missile from Gaza? It would be hideously embarrassing for Israel if true. Most likely possibility is #8, circumcising the tailpipe.
Great post, and congrats on getting pressed.
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Thank you! Honestly, it would be more embarassing for Palestinians than for Israel. It would be kind of hard to ask a guy for help after you’ve wrecked his car.
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Good point. It’s hard to convince somebody you have peaceful intentions when you just rocketed his car.
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Right Eagle Aye you get it good point about that…
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Waoooo this post is just awesome. In-fact i m going to tell all of my friends also. Very well post thanks for sharing.
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right ottawa that post is very informative and personally is good..
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I am looking at your old lists, and wow, I did not remember hearing about the presidential limo breaking down. I must not have been in the doctor’s office at the time. If I had, I’d have seen the Fox News report where they explained that the limo broke down because Obama.
My favorite is the bumper sticker burning through the rear fender.
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Because the only place I see a TV with Fox News on it is at the cafeteria at work, and I try sitting as far as possible from it, I also follow a few conservative blogs – and that’s how I found that story.
But seriously, that limo story got more news coverage than the story that the budget deficit went down by something like 50%-60% in the last few years.
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Ha, well the GOP definitely don’t want anyone to hear that one . . . but wait, I thought the news media were all lib’ral? Confused.
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It all depends which wing you are watching it from.
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