This Wednesday, Supreme Court has overturned the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), essentially granting married same-sex couples the same federal benefits that were previously available only to heterosexual couples. The groundbreaking decision followed a much more conservative Tuesday’s ruling that struck down a section of 1965 Voting Rights Act to make it easier for the states to implement election rules that would discriminate against the minorities. Here are 10 of the reactions to the Supreme Court ruling on these two cases.
1) Rush Limbaugh, conservative talk show host: “This is an outrage! Gays will destroy the sanctity of marriage! They already destroyed the sanctity of three of my previous marriages!”
2) Mitt Romney, businessman/former Presidential candidate: “I am very excited about the Supreme Court’s decision. As you remember, the Court had previously decided that corporations are people, so I’m looking forward to the day when two corporations will finally be able to get legally married.”
3) Ted Cruz, Tea Party spokesman: “We are, of course, disappointed by the decision, but we can still try to limit the proliferation of gay marriage by requiring anyone who applies for a gay marriage license to undergo a transvaginal ultrasound. But, as a good faith compromise, we will require this procedure of only one of the two applicants, while the second applicant will have to undergo a prostate examination.”
4) Black And Latino LBGT Alliance: “We’re really in a bind about those mixed signals the Supreme Court is sending us: on one hand, they just made it easier for us to get married, but on the other hand they just made it harder for us to vote.”
5) Michele Bachmann, Tea Party Congresswoman: “The gay marriage ban was perfectly constitutional! It’s the Court’s decision that’s unconstitutional! Look for yourself! The Bible CLEARLY says that gay marriage is UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!!
6) Justice Anthony Kennedy, whose vote made the majority in both cases: “I have to maintain my swing vote reputation, and therefore after carefully reviewing all the arguments on both cases, I have determined that I would side with the conservative Justices on Voting Rights Act and with liberals on DOMA if the coin comes up heads, and other way around if it comes up tails.”
7) John Boehner, Speaker of the House: “To strike down a popular legislation that had passed with overwhelming bipartisan majority and has been an established law for decades, is a despicable example of pure, unadulterated judicial activism… Wait, are we talking about the Court striking down DOMA or about the Court striking down the Voting Rights Act? Oh, Voting Rights… Well, then the Supreme Court was absolutely within its rights.”
8) Joe Biden, Vice President: (said nothing, but upon hearing the news on DOMA giddily hugged President Obama and engaged him in a long celebratory kiss until he had to be pulled away by the Secret Service agents).
9) Mike Huckabee, Fox News pundit: “When he heard this decision, Jesus wept! Though, honestly, from where I was sitting, it was really hard to see if Jesus was weeping because he was so upset, or because he was so happy…”
10) National Security Agency: “Huh? Who where when what now? Gay marriage was legal?? Sorry, we were really busy monitoring your calls for the Chinese take-out.”