Duke and Duchess of Cambridge holding a newly minted Duke of Diapershire. (Photo source: ABC News)
Earlier this week, the Duchess of Cambridge (a.k.a. Kate Middleton) gave birth to a baby boy (a.k.a. the Royal Baby), and just yesterday, the happy royal parents finally came up with the name for the boy: George Alexander Louis. The birth of the Royal Baby generated worldwide excitement and reactions ranging from “Awwww…” to “Zzzzzzz…”. Here are 10 other reactions to the birth of the baby prince.
1) National Security Agency: Since the birth of a potential King is a matter of national importance, we have been closely following the story from the very beginning. Our top security experts have spent countless hours studying the surveillance video footage of the baby’s conception.
2) Duncan Larcombe, The Sun newspaper correspondent: This baby is amazing! Baby George may only be a few days old, but after spending 20 minutes with tabloid reporters, he is already able to say “No comment.”
3) Terry O’Neill, president of the National Organization for Women: It’s a sad sign for all the women worldwide, when even a rich and powerful woman like Duchess of Cambridge doesn’t have access to contraception.
4) Prince William, Royal Baby’s father: Sorry it took us a while to decide on the name for the baby – this whole ordeal has caught us off guard. The thing is, we haven’t read the tabloids for years, so we didn’t even know that Kate was pregnant.
5) Duchess of Cambridge, Royal Baby’s mother: I’m really excited about becoming a mother, and I’m happy that Will and I have finally agreed on George Alexander Louis as the baby’s name. Now we just need to decide on his middle name.
6) Newt Gingrich, anti-welfare crusader: This story is just one more outrageous example of an unemployed couple living off the taxpayers’ dime and plopping out another moocher baby!
7) Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea: All the positive publicity has inspired me and my wife to have a baby to improve the public image of North Korea. I have ordered the military to redirect all of the country’s resources into the national baby-making program.
8) United Nations Security Council: We will impose sanctions on North Korea, unless the Kim Jong Un grants UN inspectors access to the country’s baby-making facilities and proves that North Korea’s baby-making program is intended for peaceful purposes.
9) David Vienna, parenting expert: According to my “Calm The F*** Down” parenting method, every parent should just Calm The F*** Down. And since you aren’t even the parent of the Royal Baby and yet still somehow excited about his birth – you definitely need to Calm. The. F***. Down!
10) Elizabeth II, Queen of England: Just bloody great, another bugger itching to sit on my throne…
List of X 
Oh, good, now I don’t have to bother looking up whether she’d finally had the royal bratticus and whether is was a mini-king or queen. I hate watching the news. Yours is much more entertaining (and about as accurate) than the actual news.
Really, though – George? Wasn’t there a mad King George III – who was king when we won our independence, heyyyy I see where you are going here, England, nice try.
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He’s also Alexander (possibly after Greece’s Alexander the Great or one of Russia’s Alexanders), and Louis (probably after one of the 19 of France’s Louises). Sounds like they plan on this kid ruling all of Europe.
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Louis is after Lord Mountbatten, Charles favorite uncle… the guy the IRA blew up on his boat.
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Oh. I guess I should start reading the full articles.
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Nah, push the French line… it’ll infuriate the Brits 🙂
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I doubt I can infuriate the Brits when they are so in awe about this baby.
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All 10 have me cracking up! Great Job!! You still are the Great and Powerful top ten guy. I know you think it’s Letterman,…but he could learn a thing or 2 from you…
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or 10 🙂
Thank you!
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I’m definitely somewhere between aww and zzz. This was funny, well done.
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Somewhere between Awww and Zzzz? Let me guess, a “Meh”?
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#8 is cool
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I’m with Alice. I had no clue that she popped him out. George Alexander as in Seinfeld…I can only say bwahahahaha…Karma is gonna kill me..oh well, gotta go somehow.
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I can’t blame you for missing the story – with 300000 babies born every day, it’s really easy to miss the birth of another one.
Oh yeah, I though George Alexander sounded familiar…
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The pieces are beginning to fit. The tabloid caught clicking the princess in the buff in France was probably undercover NSA trying to do their job well.
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Very possible. Or that could be DST, FSB, RAW, or Mossad – I’m sure every country’s intelligence service tried to get their hands on the video.
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Awesome list. I would have commented on the original name choice, but then I remembered I don’t really give a toss.
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Thank you. The name choice of “George Alexander Louis” doesn’t sound particularly original, especially compared to celebrity baby names like Blanket, Jermajesty, Pilot Inspektor, or Sage Moonblood. Though “His Majesty Jermajesty” or “King Pilot Inspektor the First” do sound kind of cool.
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I tell y’all one thing I’ve got to admit….Didn’t realize 9 months has passed that FAST..When I heard the news she’d had the baby? First thought…OMG did 9 months go by already??? Is it just me or is time flying by at turbo-net-speed? Just this week alone seems to have gone by in an instant..Maybe its what happens when one has hit the Fabulous 50 mark; am I losing track of time or is it really flying by so fast? hmmmmm..Anyways my blogging pal; you taking requests for 10lists yet? hmmmm When or if you ever ‘eva do; don’t forget about my hand raised up. I’ll be the first in line. Thanks for the colorful news report. Love it as always! No news like the Xlist news..
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I’m not forgetting about you. I’m still trying to make your suggestion into a post. Though I promised it to you, what, 4 months ago already? Boy, time sure does fly fast….
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Yes time does fly..I know you’ve not forgotten..Just wanted you to remember on your own; and you did! No worries I’ve grown to be a very patient woman..Lessons learned that good things come to those who wait 🙂
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Berna, no need for you to be patient any longer – please check your e-mail 🙂
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Yay! Just read it & as I anticipated it was well worth the wait..I love IT..Many thank you’s for taking the time to create a tailor-made guest post for lil ole me..Later when I’m fully awake I’m going to dig up the pics to accompany the piece..Hope you enjoy seeing the selections..You rock!
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I believe his full name is George Castanza Jason Alexander Elaine Benes Julia Louis-Dreyfus. George Alexander Louis is just the snappy shortened version the cool and hip royal parents hope his future friends will use in the school yard.
#3 made me cough out some tea!
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That makes sense. Then the baby’s title must be the Lord of Seinfeld. Though, if his classmates ever find out his full name, he’ll definitely get called Julia or Elaine.
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I bet that kid will have a really, really nice crested blazer before his first birthday.
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I hear the royal meconium is up for bid on e-bay.
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I would advise against buying it. Eventually, the baby will flood the market with supply, and prices will drop. It’s a terrible investment.
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This is great. Love the different perspectives, especially the blow-hole Newt’s and the queen’s herself.
With as much attention as the baby was getting, you’d think he deposits gold in his diapers. Every time I turned on CNN, there he was…
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Of course, the Royal Baby doesn’t actually deposit gold in his diaper. But with all the hype, it’s very likely that his deposits can be worth their weight in gold or even more.
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The scary thing is, there is probably some nut job who would actually pay for a diaper from the new royal babe…
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Theoretically speaking, the Royal baby poo could be used to clone another Royal Baby. The act of buying a Royal baby’s diaper could well be the first step to taking over the British throne….
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Ah, excellent point.
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It’s reassuring to know that the NSA has been on this from the get-go.
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With so many people NSA spies on, at some point they’re bound to end up at the right place and the right time.
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You know number 6 is sort of true…
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It is true. I just couldn’t get anyone but Gingrich to say it out loud.
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Well there is that.
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I took to my bed the moment I heard the name. George is awful. I shall be depressed for some major portion of a nanosecond for sure.
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At least they didn’t call the baby George W.
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With Will’s reaction, I’m surprised the royal birth wasn’t featured on TLC’s “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.”
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O.M.G. I didn’t know “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” was an actual reality show. Isn’t there any reality show idea they haven’t tried?
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I gave it the Royal Zzzzzzzzzzzz
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I gave it the Royal Zzzzzzzzzzzz
The birth; not the post!
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Your clarification makes me feel much, much better.
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This baby is so ugly that he even had to puke on himself.
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I’m sure the royal family can afford to hire the servants for the baby to puke on.
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“Seinfeld” ruined the name “George,” even for royals.
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I just watched the entire run of Arrested Development, where half of characters are named George, or pretend to be characters named George, so I no longer have Seinfeld association when I hear the name George.
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I was at ZZZZZZ until I read this. #’s 6, 7 and 10 in that order had me
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Zzzzz should be the normal reaction to the birth of any royal family member. That’s how we react when there is a birth in a royal family of Sweden, Monaco, or Saudi Arabia, and I don’t understand what makes British family so special – that we went to war against them?
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Footage of the baby’s ‘conception’!!! WOW!! The NSA would be pretty excited about it (pun intended).
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They were so excited with the footage, that they paid zero attention to the pale-looking guy in glasses carrying out laptoos with classified data out of the building.
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I’ve been having so much fun writing about the Royal Baby all week. Thanks for the laughs!
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Your dedication to the Royal Baby story was hard to miss. I just hope that Maine’s witches, zombies, aliens and gargoyles can forgive you for abandoning them.
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Oh, I’m still writing about them, too. I’m just getting so much across the MP Wire about the little prince, that I feel compelled to write about it. 😀
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I don’t want to chuck a jinx on things but if the Royal Couple ever splits up will the Duke refer to Kate as his “Baby Duchess” or just the commoner-style “Baby Momma”?
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The “Royal Ex”, perhaps?
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“Rex” could be an abbreviated form of “Royal Ex” and serve as a sneaky way of saying that the one you no longer love is no better than a dog.
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You know, “Rex” is Latin for “royal”, so you’d have to add another “ex”. Like in “Ex-Rex”.
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Bloody Hilarious….Tips Stein.
xx
Sooz
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Thanks – but careful, you almost poured beer on your keyboard.
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I love #10!
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Usually I have favorites, but this time I think ALL of them are my favorite. I will say I nearly shot soda through my nose at #1. Things got worse from there. Too freakin’ funny dude!
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Thank you!
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Funny! 😀
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Thank you!
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I want to do a live webcast, but I can’t figure out how to do it on the Blogger platform. Can anyone give me some direction?. . Thanks!.
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