The United States government has been partially shut down last Monday, when the Republican-controlled House refused to fund the government over their objections to the Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. Obamacare. Hundreds of thousands of federal workers have been sent out on unpaid furlough, national parks were closed, and Panda Cam has gone offline. Oh, and by October 17 the Congress will have to raise the debt ceiling to allow administration to borrow more to cover the deficits incurred by the Congress. However, Republicans are expected to demand more concessions, so that Congress can finally hold Barack Obama accountable for their actions. Not surprisingly, everyone has an opinion on whose fault this mess is, so here are 10 of the reactions to the shutdown and debt ceiling debacle.
1) Mitch McConnell, Republican Senate leader: “We are ready to negotiate, but Barack Obama won’t negotiate with us! And everyone knows that all negotiations require two parties – one party that supposed to make the demands, and another party that supposed to give in to all those demands!
2) Department of Defense: “We have decided to recall some furloughed federal workers back to work. We’ve used our surveillance equipment to track them, and it’s not like they have any better stuff to do.”
3) Louis Gohmert, Republican Congressman: The impact of this whole shutdown thing has been hugely overblown. There is no impact, whatsoever. I’ve asked a few of my colleagues in Congress, and all of us are still getting a paycheck like we used to.
4) House Speaker John Boehner: I wish we could end the shutdown, but we just don’t have the votes. Both of the Koch brothers are against ending the shutdown, so it’s not even close.
5) Al Qaeda: Having analyzed the potential impact of the shutdown and debt default on the Great American Satan, we have retrofitted our terrorist training camps to start training Republicans instead.
6) Rand Paul, Republican Senator: A huge problem for the market is uncertainty: Wall Street investors don’t know whether the country will default, whether the government will continue to function, or when we go into a new recession. So by defaulting on the debt, shutting down the government, and hopefully crashing the economy all at once, we can finally bring a measure of certainty and stability that the private businesses so desperately need.
7) Harry Reid, Senate Majority Leader: The good news is that Congress has passed the law that provides for back pay to all furloughed federal workers, so although they do zero productive work, they will still be paid for it. I think it was really unfair that only members of Congress got that sweet deal, but not anyone else.
8) Ted Cruz, Republican Senator/Dr. Seuss fan: We think it’s not fair that many newer Republican members of Congress never had a chance to participate in the Obamacare debate, and should be given the opportunity to debate and vote on it. Also, it’s really unfair that most of our members never had the chance to vote on the Civil Rights Act, the 1890 Antitrust law, and Emancipation Proclamation, and so want that too a as condition for raising the debt ceiling.
9) Barack Obama: On days like this, I wish I was really born in Kenya, so that I would have been ineligible to put up with this crap.
10) American Public: We’re really angry with Republicans, Democrats, Congress and Obama about this shutdown thing! Football’s on, so pick another time for this, morons!