Former Vice President Dick Cheney in one of his lighter moments.
In recent weeks, sectarian violence in Iraq had escalated into a full-scale civil war, with Sunni extremist organization ISIS fighting the forces of the Iraqi government, and taking control of the large part of the country. This development brought forward dozens of current and former politicians who in 2003 had passionately advocated for invasion of Iraq, and finally got their golden opportunity to blame Barack Obama for it, as well as for the thousand-year-old Shia-Sunni conflict. Even the former Vice President Dick Cheney who was the main architect of the invasion, came out of hiding at his undisclosed location to criticize Obama for losing the war. Just to remind you, this is Dick “We will be greeted as liberators”, “Saddam Hussein is buddies with Al Qaeda”, “Iraq has weapons of mass destruction”, “It will be a quick war” Cheney, so generously speaking, not the best expert on Iraq. Here are 10 people who would be better experts on Iraq than Dick Cheney.
1) Kim Kardashian: This TV star’s 72-day-long first marriage proves that she is able to set an exit strategy and quickly cut her losses when she sees that things aren’t working.
2) Kanye West: By naming his and Kim’s daughter North, Kanye accurately predicted which exactly part of Iraq would become a hotbed of sectarian violence.
3) LeBron James: This Miami Heat superstar is objective enough to recognize that NBA Finals that went to San Antonio Spurs with the score of 4 to 1 did not constitute a Miami Heat victory.
4) Justin Bieber: He may be guilty of various crimes, including crimes against humanity (also known as “Justin Bieber’s music”), but he at least knows better to stay away from Iraq during his tours.
5) Bashar al-Assad, dictator: He might be a heartless power-hungry sociopath (or, in other words, Syria’s Dick Cheney), but at least when Assad is talking about weapons of mass destruction, he’s probably not lying.
6) Entire cast of Jersey Shore reality TV show: Unlike Cheney, these beach addicts know a thing or two about the sandy terrain and blistering sun.
7) Dr. Mehmet Oz: He may have pushed questionable solutions to enrich himself, but at least he did not try to justify his schemes as national security interests.
8) Miss Manners: This etiquette expert can tell you that bombing and shelling a country you are visiting is a sign of boorishness and impoliteness, and is unbecoming of a civilized country.
9) Miley Cyrus: Just 15 seconds of any music video of hers is enough to make Shias and Sunnis bridge their differences and agree that all they want to do is to make this stop.
10) Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie: Having adopted several children from different countries, this couple has experience in building successful international coalition.
Since there are approximately 7 billion other people who are more qualified to give expert advice on Iraq and Sunni-Shia conflict, please feel free to suggest your experts.
List of X 
But wasn’t the mess in Iraq created by the absence of renowned Iraq experts like Cheney et al. in the first place? http://andreasmoser.wordpress.com/2014/06/14/mess-in-iraq/
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Probably, but lucky for us, all these experts are coming back now to offer their valuable advice. Except George W. Bush, who is probably still blissfully unaware that there’s something going on in Iraq.
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The news comes on after his 8 pm bedtime.
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Not to forget Putin. Wherever there is a good fight, he wants in on it…
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Good one. And he’s sneaky about it, too – at least, it looks like he’s trying to stir so much unrest in Ukraine so that Russian invasion WOULD be greeted as liberation.
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I think you are underselling poor Mr. Cheney. I mean, we all consider him a dunderhead, but I think he may have actually won. It has something to do with the $39.5 billion that his company Halliburton (the largest war service company in the world) has made so far on the Iraq war. Think about the jobs he created, the unwanted poor that he thoughtfully had killed so we wouldn’t have to deal with them (the poverty level paid supply people he has putting their lives on the line in a war zone), the money funneled into American arms manufacturers, his unending and selfless support of the American war machine and American militray, the American young and poor that, with his encouragement, didn’t come back from Iraq alive, etc. I mean how can you mistrust a man who so obviously cares deeply about profits (the king of the war machine), the oil companies (who are great supporters of the American way), and power in the American political system. What more could any person hope to achieve in a life time?
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Oh, I didn’t say Mr. Cheney is stupid. He and his Halliburton and oil industry friends probably achieved all of their profit goals in that war, and more. (Maybe Big Oil didn’t get as much oil they’d been hoping for, but just the war itself raised the oil prices enough to make it all worthwhile.) And now there is another huge business opportunity opening up in Iraq, so we hear the war drums once again.
The only problem is, Cheney is an expert at what’s best for Halliburton, not so much on what’s best for the US and Iraq.
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Reblogged this on The ObamaCrat™.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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No suggestions that would be nearly as entertaining as these, but you reminded me of a question that I’m just too lazy to Google: is Kimye’s baby’s middle name Bynorth? Because that would be awesome.
Good day to you!
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I don’t know if there is a middle name – and googling her will bring up more pictures of Kimye which I’d rather avoid, so let’s just listen to North West’s expert opinion on Iraq.
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A rock. A rock is more qualified to give advice on Iraq than Cheney.
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“Eh, let’s just lie here for the next million years and not go anywhere. Especially not Iraq.”
Yeah, makes sense.
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That, my learned friend, says it beautifully.
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Me, I am more qualified. I am sure of this. You as well. I don’t know what we would do, but we could simply sit down and talk, endlessly until their ears bleed. Maybe play music, hold dances, bonfires. I am sure with enough inane activities over a long enough period of time they would beg to break into three countries with large fences and good border control.
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You are definitely more qualified, Val. At least you’re an expert on how people get affected by violence, which is just not something Cheney cares about.
I don’t think the split Iraq parts will need walls, though. It’s not like they’d want to ever visit each other.
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Sadly, Paul is right. Cheney is no dope. He has profited greatly. And now he’s running his fucking pie-hole? Can you believe that guy?! All those helicopters, rounds of munitions, anti-aircraft missiles and vaults full of CASH are now in the hands of the insurgents because Cheney’s Iraqi army cut and run. Thanks, DICK. Shit, man, I don’t get angry about much but that guy really gets my dander up.
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I agree with you and Paul, Cheney is no dope. Problem is, his interests are (and were then) very different from the actual national security interests.
He’s so unfit to be an Iraq expert that even some Fox News anchors are telling Cheney that he was wrong about Iraq. I mean, Fox News attacking a Republican for being wrong is just as rare and just as cute to watch as a baby bunny trying to maul somebody.
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I believe that neo-cons are far more concerned with their self-interests than the health of the nation. They’ll do whatever they must to advance their causes and if the nation has to suffer to get there, so be it.
Is that true about Fox News? That Cheney was criticized? That’s kind of mind blowing. Like when they told Karl Rove on election night that he’s delusional if he thinks Romney can still win.
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See this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/19/megyn-kelly-dick-cheney-iraq_n_5510635.html
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Wait, wait . . . Megyn Kelly? The same one who told people that Santa and Jesus were white? Pretty bad when you get called out by Megyn.
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I think I’ll go controversial with my comment.
George W. Bush is more qualified than Dick Cheney because Bush knows how to keep his trap shut; also, his successor from the opposing party, upon obtaining the top secret intelligence available to presidents, found many of Bush’s policies sufficiently correct to keep them… even considering the cost to his popularity ratings.
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I think it was very smart of Obama to continue Bush’s policies. That way, if they work, Obama can take credit, and if they don’t, he can blame Bush. Of course, in reality, the exact opposite had happened.
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Dr. Oz–Ha! And everyone would be nice and skinny thanks to his ‘miracle cures.’ An added bonus.
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Or, at the very least, their bank accounts will get much thinner.
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This had to be your easiest list ever.
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In a way, yes, but it wasn’t easy to limit myself to 10.
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Therein lies your considerable talent.
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Stop, you’re making me blush 🙂
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Straight to the point! Anyone would …. Could Sarah Pailin be included??
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Thank you for the re-blog! And I assume you want Sarah Palin included with Dick Cheney, not better experts, right? 🙂
Although she’s probably still be better – she’d probably still start a war but would then quit it half-way.
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Lol!! You’re right!!
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HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But seriously… you had me at Dick Cheney…
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I know 🙂 check the post’s tags. 🙂
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ooooooh…. I don’t think I have ever been a tag before… yay
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How does it feel?
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to be on my own… with no direction home? It feels prety snazzy.
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But not a complete unknown anymore.
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HA! you so totally rock.
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I KNEW you’d come over for some good Dick.
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you were right… now stop being one… HA!
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Dick Dick Dick. Dick. Dickee. Dickee Dick Dick.
Methinks the Art doth protest too much his distate of the Dick.
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I do not have a distaste for it because I have never tasted it
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I’m sure Mr. Cheney did, at one time in his life, some redeeming act, no?
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I think he dodged the draft. Can you imagine the US unleashing Dick on some innocent country?
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Didn’t they already sort of do that?
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I just couldn’t think of any other redeeming act of his. At least it held off the unleashing until he became VP.
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Poor Dick. I sense he’s going to get a poor poor eulogy someday.
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He’ll be okay. I’m sure he has enough money to hire someone to say a good eulogy.
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You mean like Mussolini making the trains run on time or Hitler loving dogs???
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Making trains run on time is socialism, Cheney would have never stood for that.
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Hypocrisy is his middle name… and his first name… and maybe his last name.
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From what I hear, Hypocrisy is a very common middle name, even more common than Danger.
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you crack me up
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Trent, even I know that Dick is Art’s favorite least favorite person.
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AHA. Even better than Trent’s comment. A lovely riposte, Art.
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awww… shucks.
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I knew he would, I even tagged him in the post.
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Very clever.
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Art’s hatred of Dick seems a little too pronounced to me.
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It’s probably because Art is trying to take over the world, and he sees Dick as the only real competitor.
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I think Art and Dick are eminently compatible if they just thought about it.
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I don’t think either of them wants to think about it.
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Eminem… Knows how to get the shit outta anyone… lol
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But do we really need more? 🙂
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With Beiber already in the list? No! 😝
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I vote for myself. People will point out that I don’t know Dick, and I won’t disagree, but I still know more than Dick.
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I’m sure you could give a better advice with one hand tied behind your back (or in a cast)
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But does Miss Manners know the appropriate utensil to use to stab someone in the back, or what gift to get-well to get someone you’ve shot in the face?
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According to Dick Cheney, the appropriate get-well present for a guy you just shot in the face would be not shooting this guy again.
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Number 9. I say we just bomb them with boomboxes blaring Cyrus’ blasted “music” and wait for them all to surrender.
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Or we can just drop Miley on them and she’ll twerk them into submission.
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I love this list, but you forgot Santa Claus. He clearly knows a bit about efficiency.
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He sure does, unfortunately he works only for a few hours each year.
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Ummm, I’m just going to say “Anybody with a pulse. And many with no pulse.”
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But we have to be careful, because there are a few people who still have a pulse who you don’t want making decisions on Iraq either, like John McCain and other members of the Bomb Everything caucus.
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I’d add, my dog, but that would be very rude to my dog…
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But he would be a better expert, not worse. (of course, it’s a low threshold, but still)
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These are some of your best ever. You really got me laughing here. I might add that my Peace Lilly is more expert. It keeps insisting that Peace, Lilly is the better way to go. 😉
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Thank you. Unfortunately, peace is not an option at this point, but we can at least don’t get involved in someone else’s war. Don’t we already have UN for those things?
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If we had a UN with any backbone, it could probably clear Iraq up straightaway. As it is, it seems to be nothing more than a country club for politicians.
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I know, but they get paid to deal with things like this.
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X, this is your last warning. You need to cease and desist any further hammering of our beloved Biebs. The man is a superstar. You cannot deny him.
You know, this Dick Cheney… I’m pretty sure our dearly departed comrades Pol Pot or Mussolini could probably serve in a more robust advisor capacity than he could. Dick seems dodgy to me.
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He’s a superstar, I won’t deny that. That’s the only reason why I make fun of him.
But his songs suck and his behavior sucks worse. But why do you have to defend him, it’s not like he’s the only famous Canadian who can sing – you have Alanis Morissette, Bryan Adams, Avril Lavigne, Celine Dion, and quite a few others.
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I love Bieber, I love Bieber!
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Trent, Trent! It’s beaver, man, beaver – the Canadian animal. Sheesh! I love Beaver, I love Beaver! Gawd,
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I’m just glad that you clarified that you meant the Canadian animal.
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Ya think we chose an animal that looks like an overgrown rat for its beauty? It has its roots way back in history – started by those sex-starved trappers in Northern Canada that only came out of the woods with their pelts once a year. I bet you can guess which pelts they traded the local Madame. The two became synonymous. Hence the official national animal. (Had to put this in because the story sounded too real – see Ned’s Friday post)
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There’s a difference???
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You’re Canadian, you tell me. I usually can tell by the number of hyperexcited teenage girls surrounding the creature in question.
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Really? What’s your favorite song of his?
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Um. He’s a singer? I was not aware.
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Ahh. Then stay ignorant, Trent. Because if you learn the truth, no amount of scotch will help you.
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I’d say this guy knows more than Dick:
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I thought that’s all he knows 🙂
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Something something biting soccer players something something. I try to stay topical.
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Yes, and this much-maligned soccer player only bit someone’s shoulder, while Cheney shot someone in the face.
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I can’t compete with you, Trent and Art. This was definitely one of your most entertaining. And I truly believe that #9 could work.
In other news… “ALSO the dude who commented saying the book was another way to lose a girl made me die. He’s funny.” It seems you have a new fan after your most recent comment.
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I think #9 is worth a try.
And I apologize for killing your followers 🙂
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I think you’re totally right about LeBron. This offseason he should make the announcement, via ill-advised television special: “I’m taking my talents to Washington.”
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I think he left his contract with Miami, so maybe that’s what he wants to do. However, I don’t think he’ll like it in DC, because there’s too little playing and too much blocking going on there.
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haha. yeah, that and also his ego will surely spiral out of control right away and he’ll say something cocky (and unconstitutional) like: “I’m gonna be president not once, not twice, not three times, not four times…”
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zero times?
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Ten people more qualified to give advice on Iraq than Dick Cheney? C’mon, such low hanging fruit! Now a list of ten people LESS qualified to give advice on Iraq than Dick Cheney, that’s the list I want to see!
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I don’t know if I can think of just one person to be on this list.
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I’d sooner trust the Teletubbies.
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It’s tough for me to say, because I know very little about them. But they still have a huge advantage over Dick Cheney by not being Dick Cheney – unless, of course, Dick Cheney is wearing a Teletubbies suit.
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