How could Scotland possibly rob England of this heavenly music?
This Wednesday, Scotland held a referendum on whether to declare independence and leave the United Kingdom. The referendum attracted a record voter turnout, helped by lowering of voting age to 16, but in the end the proponents of independence lost the vote, 45% to 55%. Here are 10 reasons why Scotland chose to remain a part of the United Kingdom.
1) Recently, any territories breaking away from a country the name of which starts with “UK” tend to get taken over by Russia.
2) At the last moment, Scots decided that declaring independence from Great Britain over being annoyed with royal wedding/royal pregnancy/royal baby hype would be a bit of overreaction.
3) Scottish voters were worried about the American habit to occasionally invade small countries that have oil.
4) Lowering voting age to 16 wasn’t enough, because this age limit excluded a key bloc of potential 13-14 year old voters who would have been the most enthusiastic about rebelling against the status quo.
5) Scots realized that even gaining independence, Scotland still has to share the same island with England.
6) Ballots with the word “FREEDOM!” written accross the page in large letters were considered invalid and were not counted.
7) The best-known example of territory declaring independence from Britain was the United States, and in recent years, this example has lost quite a lot of its luster.
8) Some voters began celebrating their independence a little bit too early in the pubs to go to the polls.
9) For others, it was more appealing to live in the country whose most famous resident is the queen, than in the country whose most famous resident is the Loch Ness monster.
10) Scotland and England couldn’t agree on who gets the custody of Wales.
List of X 
Annnd the big one, I didn’t get a vote.
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Are YOU Scottish?
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No but I..
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But you…?
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I can’t remember now..
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These are great. Loved #9. Then again, they still get to boast producing Sean Connery, even though his Bond buddy betrayed them by working for the Brits.
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Well, what was Bond supposed to do? The Loch Ness monster’s secret service wasn’t taking applications.
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True. And they didn’t offer martinis or nice suits.
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And you can never find the boss if there’s anything wrong with your paycheck.
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I loved No 3. Thanks for this, it has been the first chuckle I have had about the referendum. It’s all been way too serious.
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Thanks. I guess I’m just far enough from the UK to be able to make fun of this.
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Re #3: Britain itself does have quite a history of invading other countries as well. If you have an unsecured land border with them, it may make you think twice.
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Oh yeah, good point. UK haven’t been doing much invading in the last few decades, but having an oil-rich state right next door could prove too tempting.
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Tony Blair was getting ready for a role as adviser already.
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I’m sure he can find some rich Middle Eastern country to charge for his advice.
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So funny and clever. These did almost make me spit out my beverage. Silly me for not listening.
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Thank you, and sorry, I’ll try to make the next post less funny.
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Was number ten who “gets” Wales, or who “had to take” Wales?
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It depends on how well-behaved Wales was in the weeks before the referendum.
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The photo caption made me snort and my wife came over to see what did it. She laughed, too!
#5 was an astute observation but the Dominican Republic and Haiti share the same island and they have been VERY adept at keeping a sound border.
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Yes, but neither Haiti nor Dominican has to share an island with those snooty Brits.
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It’s a place where men wear skirts, the weather is like Canada’s, all fun is discouraged by religion. The sane prevailed to keep a bridge to the real world. 🙂
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Fun might be discouraged, but drinking and soccer is still legal.
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Indeed, it’s understandable.
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Bwahahahaha.
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It would also be a bitch for the Queen … her favorite vacation home is in Scotland and it just would do to have England’s Queen vacationing all of the time in a foreign country.
“God is in the details.”
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As far as I know, she’d still formally be a queen of Scotland, just as she is formally is queen of Canada.
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Ha! Funny post X. I like #8 – like maybe about 300 years too early (as in when they bacme a part of the UK).
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I’m sure some Scots have been celebrating their independence for far longer than 300 years, at least since the day they’ve invented Scotch.
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Now the Scots (or is it Scotch?) really know why they voted against independence. I think there is another future piece there about why England (or at least the politicians) wanted Scotland to stay.
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It’s the Scots. Scotch is a type of whiskey, and likely a reason why some Scots don’t know if they’ve voted or not.
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Whiskey? Whiskey? My God man, that’s like calling the XR-71 a “plane”.
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Well, it is a plane, technically.
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Yeah, I’d like to see you fly around the world in a matter of hours in your Beechwood. Ha! A fine single malt like Oban when consumed by a blaxzing fire on Christmas Eve outranks a “whiskey” at about the same order of magnitude.
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But what if there is no blazing Christmas fire nearby when I consume this Oban? Does it still outrank any other top whiskey? What if I’m flying a Beechcraft while consuming this Oban? (I assume you meant Beechcraft which outranks beechwood as means of transportation by orders of magnitude. 🙂
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Even better I’d like to see you drinking Scotch while flying an SR-71. they say it’s a devil to fly and the pilots actually lose a considerable amount of weight in sweat and energy on each flight.
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Then it sounds like a perfect means of transportation for my work commute – it’s superfast AND I lose weight while flying it.
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Lols! Cute piece..#9 is my fave..Though I can also foresee a future piece about why the U.K. is glad Scots didn’t win their independence..
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Thank you! For now, I’m not planning on a follow up – but I think England is just relieved to still have some kind of buffer to protect them from cold Arctic air.
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Do you think this could be the problem here? That entire early celebration thing going on? It isn’t apathy it is hang over?
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Apathy is when you don’t want to do go to vote, not when you just physically can’t, except possibly to vomit for independence.
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It’s so sad. The English are already reneging on their promises.
I think the real reason they didn’t vote for independence is because they were foolish enough to believe in politicians’ promises.
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But on the other hand, those who did vote for independence believed the promises of different politicians – except now we won’t know just how exaggerated these promises were.
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I heard that soon England will be having a vote on whether or not to Kick Scotland out…
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Unfortunately, as 2014 soccer world cup showed, England is not terribly good at kicking stuff.
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You can’t have everything.
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Yikes, 5 is awkward. Like a booty call, but in the morning not having any place to do the “walk of shame” back to.
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After 300 years together, it’s probably more like a divorce where neither ex can afford to move out.
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On a more serious note, I have friends who say it was decided way before the “election” and yes would never win, even if it did. Still trying to sort that one out.
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From what I heard, only a couple of polls ever showed the “Yes” side winning, while all others predicted “No”. So I was expecting “No” to win – in fact, I started thinking of this post before the voting was over. 🙂
I wonder whether your friends meant “decided” in the same sense.
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I don’t know. I know my one friend thinks that “elections” are a placation to the masses, both in the U.S. and now Scotland, and that the “decisions” are already made. He mocks me because I have to vote my piece, even though it won’t win.
I just need to heed your advice and not drink while reading. Problem solved.
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I kept waiting on the reason involving the pubs, so at least #8 came through.
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Next time, I’ll start with the pub as to not to keep you waiting. 🙂
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