Last Tuesday, United States followed a time-honored tradition of expressing dissatisfaction with one politician who isn’t up for re-election by voting against completely different politicians – or, as it’s normally called, “a mid-term election”. As a result of this disastrous for Democrats election, Republican captured the majority in the Senate and won larger majority in the House of Representatives than they had in decades – which will leave president Barack Obama mostly vetoing legislation rather than signing it into law. Here are 10 reactions to the results of the election.
1) Mitch McConnell, presumed new Senate majority leader: “Now that the Republican party controls the Senate, I pledge to work more closely with president Obama and block even more of his agenda.”
2) Harry Reid, former Democratic Senate majority leader: “From 2008 to 2014, Republican minority has been filibustering everything in the Senate, and we’re looking forward to finally put into good use everything Republicans taught us about the filibuster.”
3) Ted Cruz, Republican Senator: “We had 50 unsuccessful votes to repeal Obamacare in the House, and due to intransigence of Harry Reid, the Senate never once voted on these bills. Now that we have a majority in the Senate, we’re looking forward to finally having 50 Senate votes to repeal Obamacare.”
4) Jeff Bezos, CEO of Amazon.com: “According to our data, for some unknown reason, in the last few days on our site the most-searched-for product has been ‘veto pens’.”
5) Fox News: “This election is a clear repudiation of Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and Chelsea Clinton, in case she decides to run in 20-30 years.”
6) Steve Ricchetti, Chief of Staff of Vice President Joseph Biden: “This is just a one bad election, Mr. Vice President. Now please, please, I beg you, step away from that ledge!”
7) Reince Priebus, Republican party chairman: “I think the presidential hopeful Senator Ted Cruz is a biggest winner in this election. Compared to some new people elected this Tuesday, he now seems a perfectly sane and rational candidate.”
8) President Barack Obama: “Judging by the results of this election, I now know that I can make any Democratic politician do whatever I want by threatening to come to their state and campaign for them.”
9) Nate Silver, election expert: “I think voters are tired of gridlock. And what better way for voters to demonstrate that they are tired of gridlock than by overwhelmingly voting to increase the minimum wage in their states while electing as governor the worst possible candidate to let that increase happen?”
Joe, average registered voter: “I didn’t vote because I think both parties are equally bad. I don’t remember their exact names, but I’m pretty sure they are all the same.”
List of X 
11. Folks who were smart enough to know that the GOP was using the fear of EBOLA to buy their votes and didn’t fall for it, have been seen publicly vomiting whenever they see a newspaper headline about the midterm elections.
What a f’ing disaster.
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Well, that vomiting is only going to provoke panicked screams “Aaaah, Ebola symptoms!!!” from those who did fall for the Ebola scare.
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And they are all assholes.
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So nice you posted it twice?
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No, it was just my attempt to try to post from my phone – and it obviously worked twice as well as I expected.
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And, best of all, from my phone I can’t even tell which one to delete.
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Still too early to laugh about this…
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Agreed! Even with all the amping up and BEGGING we did out here to get our fellow Dems to the polls ; we still wound up with Rick Scott as governor. Again! I will never , ever understand how folks can vote against ( or not vote at all) against their own best interest . The only good news from this election was a friend of mine was elected as circuit judge . Other than that the results were something for us all to be alarmed about …
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I know exactly what you mean.
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I’m sorry to hear about you keeping Scott. My very blue state just elected a Republican governor, too, so we’ll see how that goes.
I’m not surprised that people are voting against their best interests – you could say that everyone votes against their best interests all the time, because anything we vote for normally has a positive and negative impact. Like, do I vote to lower the gas tax to have a few extra dollars in my pocket, or do I vote to keep it as is and drive on better roads?
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Point well made & taken..Guess truth of the matter is that 20 years living in liberal Cali has had a lingering effect on me..3 years here hasn’t killed my vibe! And hoping it never does..
Glad you wrote on this subject though..I’d not the heart to yet do it
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Try reading this post in a couple of years.
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ok
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Oh dear, is #7 true? 😦
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I’m pretty sure it will be. I heard there are some very promising loonies in the Class of 2014.
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Yes, it absolutely is.
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I didn’t think it possible! Worse than batshitcrazy Bachmann? Is there a bottom to this ghastly barrel?
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There is a quote attributed to Einstein: “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe!”
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I love this post. That is all.
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Thank you. That is all. 🙂
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I wondered what you were gonna have to say about this.
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Well, the mystery has finally been solved. 🙂
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…so I’m not liking this one twice as much either.
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No need to. This got posted twice by mistake – or was Obama’s fault.
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I try to stay on top of U.S. politics from up north but Reince Priebus? Isn’t that an evil senator from Star Wars?
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Can I come live with you guys? And my wife? And my two kids? I’ll leave the dog in New Jersey.
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Sure, come on up. Heck, bring the dog. We’re just that kind of folks!
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What about another cat?
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Don’t talk crazy talk.
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Not until 2314 election.
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I thought this would be one of your fun, roller coaster rides but it really did just drag my ass down to the depths. Done get me (us) wrong…it was well written. Clean with a good flow. It’s just laden with too much TRUTH to be really enjoyable.
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Sorry for making this election even more depressing than it already was. There is only so much I can do.
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You did it, spoke truth to power with a strong dose of snark. I weep.
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Thank you, although I seriously doubt that power will care.
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It is a mystery to me why Democrats can’t get motivated enough to get to the polls and vote for their own interests, but this election proves they don’t. On full display was the difference between the two parties. It is the difference between science and superstition, between reason and blind belief.
Maybe it’s just human nature. Ironically, the trend to apathy is enabled by historically-cheap goods coming through automation and cheap third-world labor, and I believe this is fundamental to Democrat voting apathy. Whether through Great Society programs, Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, or through charity, people know that one way or another their day-to-day needs will be filled. With rare exception, nobody in America starves or goes in rags. Hell, we won’t even let most people die peacefully, we hook ‘em up to feeding tubes and draw out the process.
The right-wing demagogues are having their way with dishonest tactics like gerrymandering, poll suppression, subtle bigotry, and scare tactics like linking ebola to immigration fears. They have no shame. There are powerful, disingenuous memes at work here. Off the top of my head, here are some things widely believed that are not true:
Ebola is a present danger to the nation as a whole.
Immigrant children are bringing terrible diseases into our country.
Immigrants are taking away jobs Americans need and want.
Everyone in the military is automatically a hero.
The mortality rate for cops is as great as that for soldiers.
Background checks endanger Americans’ gun rights.
The federal government is inherently untrustworthy.
It’s OK to pay a CEO 350 times as much as an average worker because he earned it.
There must be something wrong with anyone who works for minimum wage.
A fertilized human egg is a person. (Is an acorn a tree?)
Humans are not responsible for climate change.
I’m sorry to come to this conclusion, but I have: nothing will reverse this trend until the Republicans get completely in charge of all three branches and FUBAR our lives so badly that it will be obvious to everyone. I just hope the nation and the world survive it.
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Sometimes I agree with your conclusion, but unfortunately people’s brains are so messed up that any FUBAR-effect could wear off in just a couple of years. Remember the 2008 recession? That was probably as bad as the US ever had in decades, but by 2010 the majority of voters wanted the same exact people back in charge. Or in another, more local FUBAR example, in a poll a couple of years ago 30% of Louisiana Republicans said Obama was more to blame for 2005 Katrina response than Bush, and another 44% weren’t sure whether Bush or Obama was more at fault: http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3790612
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@ List,
I followed your link to the poll in Louisiana and, well, that is depressing. Hmm. Isn’t that where they film Duck Dynasty?
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Possibly, but I care so little about Duck Dynasty that I won’t even bother googling it. 🙂
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Ah, List, I do urge you to google Duck Dynasty, repugnant though it is. I submit that it provided great insight into the conservative mind, a place where scientific truth goes to be smothered in the comforting fabric of superstition and wishful thinking. We are all going to need such insight, at least for the next two years and possibly for four more after that.
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Oh, but I know what Duck Dynasty is. And this is why I don’t want to Google it.
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It seems to me that America is about evenly divided between liberal, academic, secular, open-minded, internationalists on the one hand and religious, xenophobic, anti-elitist, conspiracy-theory-believing traditionalists.
I see no way to reconcile the two. Luckily, the country is large enough to split it up. I could imagine that everyone would be happier in their own half.
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Ah, if only that were true, sir, but alas, I think it is not. If there were only two people left on the planet, they would probably disagree. Southerners and Yankees, Shiites and Sunnis, Jews and Gentiles, Catholics and Protestants, Tea Partiers and bleeding-heart liberals, rural and urban, young versus old, there is no end to differences. What we must seek, I submit, is tolerance for diversity. But you are surely right that it’s an uphill slog. Maybe what we need to get us united is a war with non-human aliens. 🙄
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Unfortunately, it’s way more complicated than that. I know both secular conservatives and conspiracy-theory-believing liberals, so it’s not possible to divide us into two neat groups.
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Brilliant as always. You gave me a laugh. 🙂
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And thank you for reading once again (or twice, if you had to read both copies of the post 🙂
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Ted Cruz the sanest of them all? Waaaaaa:(
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Maybe not in 2016, but by 2036 I’m pretty sure people will long for Cruz’s sane and practical approach to policy.
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Lowest turnout since 1942:
http://news.yahoo.com/voter-turnout-2014-midterms-worst-in-72-years-143406756.html?bcmt=1415830462727-58d9598c-51e0-487e-a62c-b07e7071bac7
So… everything must be just fine. No need to vote.
Or maybe, just a few votes got lost in those newfangled voting machines.
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In 1942 there was at least something going in on in the world that legitimately kept a number of people from voting. What’s the deal now? Were people afraid that Ebola patients sneezed on every ballot?
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Absolute “Premium” stuff as always!
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Thank you!
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Many good ones in the list … but Joe used the hammer.
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Wait, wait… hold on… there was an ELECTION???????????????????
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Not according to about 64% of registered voters who didn’t bother to show up.
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That bad, eh? That sucks.
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