According to Rush Limbaugh, only one of these people looks anything like James Bond.
There are few time-honored traditions that aren’t meant to be broken, such as the sun coming up every morning, or Santa Claus having a beard, or an American president being white (well, until recently). And a white actor playing Agent 007 has been one of these proud traditions. So when one of the leaked Sony Pictures’ executive’s e-mails contained a suggestion to make British actor Idris Elba the next Agent 007 James Bond, quite a few people became upset with this idea, because in Ian Fleming’s book James Bond is Scottish, and Idris Elba is, let’s face it, British. Oh, and black. This was the objection of the conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh, who insisted that a black Briton Idris Elba shouldn’t be playing Bond, because that would wouldn’t be true to Fleming’s story. So here are 10 reasons why James Bond shouldn’t be played by Idris Elba, or any other black actor for that matter.
001) James Bond is a fictional character and Idris Elba is real.
002) A drastic change from a white to black hero would leave the audiences shaken, not stirred.
003) Like some other famous black people, black Agent 007 would always have to have his birth certificate ready to prove that he really is Bond, James Bond.
004) Because every secret agent in every spy movie is white, no one can possibly expect a black man to be a secret agent – which is why everyone should and would suspect him of being a secret agent.
005) While riding in his shiny BMW supercar, black Agent 007 would constantly get pulled over by the police eager to know what a man like him is doing in such an expensive car in such a nice neighborhood. As you can imagine, this would make car chase scenes nearly impossible.
006) According to FBI statistics, black secret agents are 31 times more likely to get killed by villains that the white ones.
007) If James Bond suddenly becomes black instead of white, Bond’s moral character would instantly become an huge issue considering that as James Bond he had likely sired and left fatherless dozens of children with various Bond Girls.
008) Police are much more tolerant of white people carrying guns than black ones, and a black 007 better hope they don’t find his license to kill during a routine stop-and-frisk.
009) Since most Bond villains are white and probably racist, they would not trust black Agent 007 enough to tell him all the details of their evil plans just before Bond’s escape.
010) When black James Bond saves the world, everyone is going to assume that he succeeded only because of the affirmative action.
List of X 
And if Bond was Mexican, he’d have a Tequila and scare people off with his moustache alone. What if he was Asian? He wouldn’t need a gun as he could kill people with his bare hands 😀
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And can you imagine if James Bond were… oh, I can’t even say it… a woman??
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The name’s Bond, Jamie Bond …
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She be agent Carter(Marvel)
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Or gay! Gay James Bond! License to Kill and Redecorate.
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Or lesbian – that way Bond could still keep the tradition of seducing Bond Girls.
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How very meta. What is meta, anyway?
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That would be James Bond the agent in the movie making jokes about James Bond as a movie character.
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That is an EXCELLENT example of ‘meta.’ I’m impressed. Seriously.
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Wow, there are still Marvel action heroes they haven’t made movies about?
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How could he do that and help run a drug dealing business in Baltimore?
Oh, wait…that’s a fictional character. Never mind.
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I think that being a fictional drug lord in Baltimore will be a perfect cover for a secret agent.
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This is a test, right?
Sorry. Sorry.
I came in late. Just need to sharpen my pencil…..
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Even better, these are the answers for the test.
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Brilliant. Plus no self-respecting Black man would be packing a .25 caliber Walther PPK. People would think he was compensating for having a body part that is too large … oh, wait.
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Spot on. Black 007 would be too unrealistic. All other James Bond movies are so believable.
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Excellent point! Super villains who are able to take over the world but can’t stop one single man – that’s what happens in real life every day.
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0011 – If black James Bond showed up in a tux at the baccarat table drinking a martini, people would mistake him for P Diddy, because all black guys in tuxes drinking martinis in casinos look alike.
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Reblogged this on MrMilitantNegro™.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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You are so very funny in a hard hitting reporter way.
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One of your very best!!! XD….
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
This is a good one …. Idris Elba vs Rush! My money is on Idris ….
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Thank you. And I’d pay double to watch a Bond movie in which 007 Idris takes down Rush Limbaugh.
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I would pay for that one too!! Peace ….
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This post is ballsy and awesome. You are making me laugh while making me think while making me want to change the world while making me hate Rush Li… wait… I already hated him…
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Thatk you!
And you know what I’m thinking of? Those pictures of you as 007 that you did. You as 007 – that would make Rush happy, wouldn’t it?
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a liberal could never be Bond…
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But being a liberal could be a great cover for Bond.
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I think that is the whole idea of Austin Powers man of mystery… A hippy Bond.
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you’ve been on a great roll of posts. Hilariously venomous, just the way I like it.
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Absolutely brilliant! Thank you for the giggles.
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Are there black people in Scotland?
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37,000 according to Wikipedia ( http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Black_Scottish_people). But I’m afraid Rush Limbaugh still isn’t going to find one he’d be happy with.
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But no one can understand THEIR accent either.
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It could be the reason why Sean Connery was the last Scot playing 007.
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My BIL and I should have had a beer before going through this one. LOL
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Why, to risk spitting it on a keyboard? 🙂
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Reblogged this on Sylvia: Female Author.
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Reblogged this on Politically Activated.
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A list of 10 where’re I can’t find a favorite! Well played, X
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A list where you can’t find a favorite could be either a very good list, or a very bad list. I hope it’s the former. 🙂
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It is!
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This is fantastic. You’re edgy without using all the profanity I need to stoop to.
For what it’s worth, I’m not crazy about a black Annie. I’m sure that will invite a maelstrom of criticism. But she’s a REDHEAD. And there aren’t many, as main female characters. Can that just be left alone?
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Are you sure you’re not just upset just because you’re a redhead yourself? 🙂
However, I haven’t seen any versions of Annie, so I have no idea how important is that Annie is a redhead.
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Yes, of COURSE that’s why I’m upset, silly!
I haven’t seen any versions of Annie either. It looks painful to watch. But I do know she’s a redhead. Which is how she should stay.
Happy Holidays, my talented friend. You outdid yourself with this one.
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Can you imagine if black British 007 slept with a white CIA operative? Holy Jesus! Conservative America’s eyes would bleed. These are very funny, pal.
God, are you reading those Sony leaks? I’m trying not to. It makes me feel all dirty inside, but they’re so great. A bunch of wealthy morons full of their own egomania and self-importance devouring one another. It’s pretty great.
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I’m not reading the actual leaks, but I am reading the stories about the leaks and the stories about the stories about the leaks. I feel like it gives me some perspective without actually have to dig in the dirt, and could be just as entertaining.
Sort of like watching the reaction of a conservative watching a black 007 sleeping with a white CIA agent.
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Listen…if you’re reading the stories about the stories about the leaks, you might just as well read the damn leaks themselves. Seriously, go back and read some of them. They’re GREAT. But then you have to feel bad afterwards. It’s a requirement.
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I might read them. For now, I know I haven’t yet had a chance to read what you posted yesterday, so I’m feeling bad already.
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Oh, please. Never, never, EVER feel obligated to read a post, or guilty for not doing so. Not mine or anybody else’s. Especially not mine!
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Next you will say M will be male…Sure
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I haven’t seen the latest Bond movie after they killed off Judy Dench’ M, but by the lack of any outrage I have to assume that M once again stands for Male.
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The new film (SPECTRE) is still being produced. But maybe I am a bit behind because I watch my films at the cinema instead of hacking them.
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Had that director considered Tony Osoba, there could not have been as excuse that the Black actor is not Scottish. http://www.tonyosoba.com/
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I looked up Osoba, and he’d be almost 70 by the time they retire Daniel Craig. Personally, I’d rather see a 40-something Briton Elba play the part.
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How has no one mentioned the numbering yet? This is brilliant. All of it. Pure comedy Goldfinger.
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What does Mr Limbaugh say about the black Felix Leiter in “Casino Royale” and “Quantum of Solace”?
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#002 – bwahahaha!
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Well done on working with Rushbo material. My fav? Tough one … probably #9. Meanwhile, Happy New Year & best wishes for 2015.
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4 and 7 bloody killed me… thanks for the laughs, X, this was bloody hilarous.
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Rush-ty has been watching too much Megyn Kelly – she insists Santa Clause can’t be black because the real Santa was white. I think there’s a theme going on over at Fox News. They still insist that the American president must be white – because all of the other ones have been. They’ve been living in a Fox bubble the last 6 years.
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I’m sure that Rush had reached his conclusion independently of Megyn, because this bubble is bigger than Fox, and in that bubble Santa is white, Jesus is white, the president is white, and in a few more years, they’ll be sure that Martin Luther King was white, too.
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MLK – Who’s that?
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There’s a theory that “James Bond” isn’t a person, but rather a code name for a series of super agents. So this would fit with that theory.
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That makes a lot of sense. If you were a secret agent, it would be a pretty stupid idea to try to work under your real name anyway.
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