Mitt Romney’s 2016 campaign logo.
The 2016 election campaign has unofficially began, and several prominent politicians have been strongly hinting that they are going to run for president in 2016. Surprisingly, one of the people who decisively kicked of the “I’m-thinking-about-considering-the-launch-of-the-exploratory-process-of-starting-the-research-committee-to-evaluate-the-possibility-of-potential-involvement-in-a-presidential-run” game was the 2012 presidential contender Mitt Romney, one-term governor of Massachusetts and a lifelong one-percenter. This would be Romney’s third attempt, and he is planning to make poverty the focus of his campaign. Here are 10 reasons why Mitt Romney is running for president again.
1) Retirement is boring, and there doesn’t seem to be anything good on Netflix.
2) Mitt’s wife Ann had already bought some really nice curtains for the Oval Office in 2012, and it would be a shame to waste them.
3) Romney’s chances are much better in 2016 because unlike the last time, practically no one will vote for Barack Obama in 2016.
4) According to Fox News, it’s only because Romney didn’t become president that ISIS even exists, and if Romney were to run the country, ISIS would instantly disappear. If you don’t believe me, consider this: today Mitt Romney owns five or six houses, and there’s no ISIS in any of them.
5) Romney’s campaign theme of poverty reflects the fact that his own wealth dipped and a $400,000 presidential salary could really come in handy when paying off five different mortgages.
6) Mitt Romney would do all he can to help oil and coal companies and other CO2 producers, and right now, in the middle winter, global warming is starting to sounds like a pretty good idea.
7) His frequent flyer miles will expire unless he flies 1,000,000 miles by November 2016.
8) Compared to other campaign favorites Hillary Clinton (wife of president Bill Clinton) and Jeb Bush (brother of president George W. Bush), Mitt Romney does seem like a fresh new face.
9) Having already run multiple presidential campaign gave Mitt useful campaigning experience which will be even more valuable in 2016 – and even more valuable in 2020, 2024, 2028, 2032, 2036, and any future elections.
10) During his campaign, Mitt Romney promised to bring unemployment rate to 6% by 2016. If he managed to bring it down to 5.6% today while not even being elected, imagine how much further he could lower the unemployment rate if he were elected?
List of X 
Very funny post X. I pity the poor if Mitt (and what kind of name is that? I picture a catcher’s glove every time I hear it) gets in. I fact, as a Canadian, I pity every one if he gets in. In fact I pity Mitt if he gets in – at least he’ll have nice curtains.
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Maybe he figures that since the country has been able to accept a president named “Barrack”, that they’re finally ready for one named “Mitt”. By this logic, it may be just a matter of time before there’s a candidate named “Kanye”.
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I don’t know, I feel like the country is a little tired of weird presidential names like Barack and Hussein, and just wants someone with a normal name like Dave.
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I keep hearing the President say ‘I know I won both of them’.
😉
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That was a great moment!
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Which is why reason #3 makes Mitt a shoo-in.
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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My pleasure. Love your blog site.
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Brilliant, but you missed the obvious: fulfilling the Mormon White Horse Prophecy.
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I was going to fix the “white horse” to “white house” as a typo, but then Mitt Romney does kind of look like a horse, and owns them, too. It could really be the Mormon White Horse prophecy for all I know. 🙂
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That does sound plausible, all things considered 🙂
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The decline of Netflix is killing this country.
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Almost as much as all those great shows on Netflix that just HAVE to be watched right now!
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#1 is probably the right answer although having retired and owning one house to work on keeps me busy. He has 4 (maybe 5) so he has no excuse.
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Number 8, for real. Funny stuff, X, as usual.
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I’m pretty sure it’s #7. He’s a very practical guy.
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Then maybe I could save the country by recommending JetBlue where rewards points never expire and even Mitt Romney could afford the seats with extra leg room.
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Sounds like a good campaign issue.
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Picking Door #8…because I already know what’s behind it…
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I think it’s a great idea for Romney to run. Just think of it as an exercise in the redistribution of wealth – money for all those printers and ad executives in the middle class.
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That is, assuming he won’t just outsource these jobs to China.
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I hadn’t thought of that. There’ll be “Made in China” logos on all the Romney-Palin bumper stickers!
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You mean something like this?: http://thinkprogress.org/election/2012/05/03/476261/mitt-romney-america-pins/
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Yep. This sounds par for the course. Yeah America – Pay China.
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Yeah, #8 made me smile hard.
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I have to assume it was the smile of the kind, oh you silly Americans with silly American antics.
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No, more like, “Clever X. Good one, X.”
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HA! Make fun all you want… this election is going to be awesome… watching them try to pick the least insane candidate… with the fewest skeletons in their closet… while they try not to be videoed doing or saying anything stupid.
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I don’t think they’re intentionally trying to pick the less insane candidate. They just end up with the less crazy ones because they can’t agree what kind of crazy should win.
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don’t you dare try to out-cynical me!!!
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#11 — Mitt has not yet been able to outsource the workers in the federal government …
Oh, please, Mitt. Please. Ditch Ann first though. I don’t think I can handle 1-1/2 years of Ann.
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Ditch Ann? Mitt would never do that to her! The man has principles. He may transfer Ann into an offshore blind trust, but ditch her? Never!
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He wants to have the phrase “I’m Smitten with Mitten!” go viral, even if that isn’t his damn name.
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It’s probably because “Willard the Stone-Cold Job Killar!” just didn’t poll that well with the focus groups.
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Poor Mitt. The guy just wants to be president so stinking much. It almost breaks your heart.
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I know, but there’s like 180 countries out there to be president of. Why does he keep picking us?
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I have to share that a frisson of pleasure ran through me when I say the email note of this post. I laughed out loud at #1 and it built from there. Unlike butter and like fine wine, you are getting better with time!
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Thank you! Coincidentally, Mitt Romney also seems to think that he is getting better with time. 🙂
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The Romney White House aspirations all emanate from his wife. I’m serious. She’s got delusions of grandeur about being First Lady. Mitt couldn’t care less.
Can you believe we’re faced with another Clinton and Bush? And people say the U.S. isn’t a monarchy.
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I think Mitt wouldn’t run if he didn’t want to be the first Mormon president, but it is possible that Ann wants it more.
It’s depressing that we may have to choose between two dynasties – but at least we have some kind of a choice. So we’re a little better than North Korea so far.
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That’s our benchmark?! North Korea?! You’re right. It’s depressing.
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Tough to decide between #4 and #10. Meanwhile, oh yes … the one who elegantly spoke about the 47% of freeloaders is the perfect spokesperson to attack poverty.
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After the 47% comments, it is possible that Mitt Romney might be confusing the war on poverty with the war on the poor…
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Poor Mitt.
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Excellent, just excellent, all ten of them.
After the GOP debacle-circus of 2012 I was fearing that Reince Priebus (no, not the disease, the guy) and his minions would so diminish the primaries that the electorate would be forced to choose based mainly on who had the best slogans and posters, but it turns out I need’n’t have worried. They are coming out of the woodwork in fine fashion. I would like to see Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain back too, but hey, you can’t have it all. I was delighted to see that even Sarah Palin is considering publicly whether to throw her bear-skin cap in the ring now. C’mon X, can you come up with an equally-spicy list for her?
Who needs late-night TV? This next two years is going to be delicious!
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The next elections will probably have Rand Paul, Chris Christie, Rick Perry, Ted Cruz, so it should be at least as entertaining as 2012. But I am really hoping that Sarah Palin gathers the courage to run for president, because it’s just isn’t the same without her.
And speaking of coming up with a list about her, I have two already:
And if she does chose to run, there’ll be more – you betcha!
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Oh my gosh… not this guy again. Don’t you guys have any interesting politicians out there? I know that fool Obama can’t do anything write, and everyone kind of hates him, but my granny’s puss-filled gout is more interesting than that Romney guy. Or is he some kind of horror movie villain, keeps coming back even after everyone’s stuck him through with sharp objects and pretty much castrated him. Romney. He has no balls.
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We do have interesting politicians, Trent. You just wait till the campaigning starts later this year, and all kinds of crazies will come out of the woodwork. And Romney isn’t that bad – in “interesting politician” sense, mainly: he’s like this most presidential looking candidate and model businessman in decades, but as you peel off the layers, there’s all kinds of fun stuff – the 47%, dressage horses, offshore trusts, outsourcing (which Romney kept referring to as “job creation”), self-made businessman (where “self-made” meant “selling some stocks his dad gave him to support himself”). And then there’s the small stuff like “binders full of women” and a dog on the roof.
Of course, if we’re comparing Romney to someone like Rob Ford, that would make Romney seem thoroughly bland in comparison.
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Wanna trade?
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