Recently, about 100 children became infected with measles in an outbreak, and everyone has been quick to blame the parents who refuse to vaccinate their children. However, I think that the vaccine skeptics’ arguments make perfect sense. I just don’t think that we should be limiting these arguments only to vaccines, and if we’re really serious about keeping our children safe, we should treat even the seemingly innocent things like food with the same amount of healthy skepticism. Here are 10 reasons why you as a parent should never give your children any food.
1) Food has some scary side effects, and hundreds of people die of food poisoning every year.
2) There is an established link between food and autism, because 99.95% of children who were diagnosed with autism had eaten food shortly before they were diagnosed.
3) Food is proven to be less than 100% effective. Oftentimes, you eat the food and you STILL feel hungry later.
4) You can’t possibly trust the food industry to produce quality food for your child, because they are in it only to make money.
5) Parents always know better than the doctors what is wrong with their child and how to treat them. I don’t understand how that doesn’t automatically make parents qualified to perform brain surgery on their children.
6) Your child is naturally perfect and doesn’t need any artificial additives like food to develop. Also, your child’s body has innate reserves helping him or her fight hunger. It’s called “baby fat” – look it up!
7) There is also this thing called “herd immunity”: if everyone else around you is feeding their children, your child wouldn’t get hungry by eating everyone else’s food scraps.
9) The medically accepted schedule of feeding a child 4 to 6 times a day is too onerous for a child’s organism to handle. At the very least, meals should be staggered: maybe a breakfast at 6 months, lunch at 1 year, dinner at age 2, supper at age 4, and another booster breakfast at age 5.
10) Finally, unlike an unvaccinated child with measles, you child can’t possibly infect someone else with hunger simply by touching them.
And remember, since you read this on the Internet, this must be 100% true.