The exhausted negotiators are finally saying their goodbyes, until they have to meet for the next round of talks beginning in about 30 minutes.
Image source: Al Jazeera
Last week, after weeks of non-stop negotiations in Switzerland, the United States, Iran, and several other countries had agreed to a deal that is supposed to prevent Iran from getting a nuclear bomb. Actually, to be more accurate, what the countries had agreed on was to agree to negotiate an agreement by June 30 to prevent Iran from getting a nuclear weapons within 15 years – which still a huge progress from the 2013 agreement which was a deal to negotiate a compromise on having an agreement on meeting with Iran to talk about stuff. The current deal is intended to stop most of Iranian enrichment activities for at least 15 years and allow the International Atomic Energy Agency inspectors to oversee the Iran’s nuclear facilities – but, of course, this isn’t the actual deal. Here are 10 reactions to… whatever this is.
1) Ayatollah Khamenei, Supreme Leader of Iran: Our plan is to keep annoying the United States with non-stop negotiations, talks, meetings, agreements, conferences, compromises, arrangements, discussions, summits, and deals, until the Americans give up and just give us the nuclear bombs just so they wouldn’t have to deal with us anymore.
2) 47 Republican Senators who wrote Iran a letter demanding that they stop negotiating: We are outraged that Iranians had ignored our letter. We’re already composing a nasty text message, if that doesn’t work, we’ll stalk Iran on Facebook and Pinterest!
3) President Barack Obama: Israel has expressed their concerns that the deal isn’t actually going to stop Iran from creating nuclear weapons. But I give my solemn promise that Israel has no reason to worry about Iran’s nuclear attack for as long as I am president!
4) Kim Jong Un, Supreme Leader of North Korea: We congratulate Iran on winning a 15-year extension in their deal, because when you’re building a nuclear bomb, it could be very dangerous to rush things.
5) Hassan Rouhani, President of Iran: This deal will lift the sanctions and will finally open the gates for the biggest Iranian exports, oil and terrorism. However, it’s too early to celebrate before the agreement is finalized – as we say in Iran, the Great Satan is in the details.
6) IAEA inspectors: We have not been given the access to every Iranian nuclear enrichment site, but the early signs are very encouraging: the Iranians have already allowed us to inspect a zoo, a movie theater and a beach, and we have found no suspicious activity there.
7) Republican Senator John McCain: I have always been calling for the United States to pull out of the negotiations and just bomb Iran. But you know, I’m actually glad we have a peace deal, because now Iranians will never expect us to bomb them.
8) Ben Ki-moon, UN Secretary General: While the United Nations is heartened by the news of the agreement, we are disappointed by the slow pace of negotiations. Since we want to complete the next round of talks on time, we will no longer hold these talks in a nice place like Switzerland, but will instead schedule the next round in a place like Somalia, Antarctica, or Detroit.
9) List of X: This list will stop at 9, because an unfinished deal doesn’t really deserve a finished list.
List of X 
If they are to be refining less uranium does that mean they can only make little bombs ? – Like the size that fits under a turban – no wait, I take that back … (In honor of Doob I placed a space before and after that ellipsis. 😀 )
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Actually, did you know that the amount of plutonium it took to build nuclear bombs that were dropped on Japan can easily fit under a turban? Except actually trying to do just that would cause immediate nuclear explosion, so I can’t recommend that. 🙂
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Oh yeah, it is potent shit – like you say X, my understanding too is that the majority of the size of the bomb is to keep the fissile material separate until it is time to create a hole a 1/2 mile across. you know what amazes me about that stuff? The powers that be, rant about nuclear contamination and that any detonation would make things uninhabitable for thousands of years (even with just uranium 235) Yet Hiroshima has a memorial at ground zero and there is little or no radiation after only 70 years. What gives? (was this a world sized clean-up? has the post radiation exposure been exaggerated? Not that the gov’t would ever do that Ha!).
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The government must have been lying to us to discourage the private citizens from bombing each other with nukes. My god, so many missed opportunities because of these lies.
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Have those 47 Republican senators actually figured out how Pinterest works? Because I haven’t.
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They probably haven’t – just as they haven’t figured out how diplomacy works.
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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Reblogged this on The international informant.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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You forgot to mention that a deadlock was broken by the promise of a DVD boxed set of the fist two seasons of Game of Thrones. We don’t export as much as we used to, but we know how to entertain ourselves. You play your strongest hand.
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True, but once the Iranians censor out all the nudity from GOT, they’ll bring left with only an hour or so, and they will be supremely disappointed.
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I used to rely on Jon Stewart and Steven Colbert for my news, now I strictly follow List of X.
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I used to too, but they have so many news stories I just couldn’t keep up. Here, you’ll get just one to three stories a month, tops.
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Tough to pick a spot-on quote …. but gotta go with McCain.
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That should make McCain feel a little better after we didn’t go with him in 2008.
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He does like military conflicts!
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At least, unlike the majority of congressional warmongers, he actually participated in one.
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Very true … and a grew-up in a military family.
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I see a conspiracy, I suspect the 47 working with outsiders to blow things up.
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I’m still waiting for them to lift the travel ban to Iran. Of course, I wouldn’t want to go until I could be sure that I wouldn’t get killed for being an American… but Iran is supposed to have some great sites.
Unless ISIS gets its hands on them…
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But Iran is one of the biggest players who are actually fighting against ISIS on the ground. Maybe we should let them have the bomb…
Considering that there are about 200 countries on the planet, there should be always be plenty of countries to go to while waiting for Iran travel ban to be lifted.
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If this was a deal to continue non-stop talking, I think my mother was in on it. Or maybe my wife.
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Is that her in the red suit on the photo?
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Could be. I don’t recognize the face, but I do see a mouth talking.
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An incomplete post deserves an incomplete commen
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I totally agr.
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well done as usual
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Thank you.
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Hi X – this is the first time I’ve commented on your blog (I’m sure you are aware of that, so I don’t know why I said that) but anyways, I appreciate your humor on this but still find it all somewhat confusing – they agreed on an agreement then agreed to negotiate a compromise on another agreement and ended up with a deal that really isn’t – correct? Is there anything I’m missing?!
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That’s absolutely correct – and you got it 100% right on your first visit! Very impressive!
🙂
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Yay! My confidence in understanding BS just soared! Thanks!
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Even if we do get inspection rights I am sure it will be no time at all before they are kicking the inspectors out. Haven’t I seen this play out somewhere else before? Was it with Iraq and the WMDs or was it North Korea and the nuke? I know I’ve seen it somewhere else before.
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I think it has happened in every place these inspectors have ever been to.
…you know, maybe it’s the inspectors who are the real problem…
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Could be —– but will we ever know for sure?
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I just found out from a reliable source (I read it on the internet!) what actually brought Iran to the negotiating table. It was a threat, inspired by Seinfeld’s Soup Nazi, that if they didn’t agree to talk about agreeing to talk about nukes, another sanction would be added. No iPhones for you!
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Or worse, that they’ll only be able to get the iPhones of two versions ago – that way, they’ll get hooked and won’t be able to resist the overwhelming urge to get the newest model.
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Cynical but funny.
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You pretty much just described me in these three words.
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47 Republican Senators: “We don’t want you to build nukes because we have better ones here that we can sell to you.”
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“Just tell us when you’ll be home so that we could drop them off at your door from our delivery plane”.
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I’m delighted that the parties have agreed to meet to hammer out a further agreement in June, when I foresee they will all agree to disagree.
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And then with great fanfare, they will sign the Agreement to Disagree and will pose for photos.
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My ocd is saying you can’t stop the list at 9! 😉
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You’re right! This is a list of 10, I actually had to hide one of the items to make it look like it has 9. 🙂
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Okay that makes me feel better. Don’t do that again. 😉
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I’m waiting for the completed list in June.
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Let’s hope Iran will want this list to continue.
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Hope I don’t have to hold my breath. ;O)
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well, once again you have managed to make me laugh about a subject that is distinctly not at all funny…
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It is officially funny now. 🙂
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wheeeeeeeeee
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You had to be pleased with #5.
Also, nice to see you again!
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No, it’s nice to see YOU again. I was starting to lose hope that you would ever come back. 🙂
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I’m like Han Solo at the end of that new Star Wars teaser trailer.
That’s not even remotely true, but since that’s the only thing my brain can focus on today, it’s the best comparison I can come up with.
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I think Iran has got to be pleased we’re so focused on the nuclear weapons they haven’t quite figured out how to make, and not paying so much attention to the terrorism they’re exporting, which they’re quite expert at making. 😦
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It’s probably just way too late to close all terrorism enrichment facilities, so our last hope is to prevent the really explosive mix of terrorism and nuclear weapons from forming.
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Hehe. “Terrorism Enrichment Facilities.” I don’t think I’ve ever heard the term, but it works. I like it. Yeah, terrorism and nuclear weapons would be the worst thing possible.
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Success (at what?) of these talks give immense hope to countries like Haiti, Chad and Mongolia who never had hopes or ambitions of a nuclear bomb. They can now negotiate from a position of strength.
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Yes, these talks seem like a free advertisement for the idea that if a country wants to be taken seriously, it needs to start its own nuclear program.
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