“Allright…Obama’s mother’s maiden name?…Here you go…School he went to?… Here you go…Pet name?…Here you go!…Aaaaaaaand access granted! Gee, Wikipedia, you’re a treasure!”
Image source: authormedia
According to a recent news story, Russian hackers broke into the White House e-mail server and accessed and read thousands of unclassified E-mails, including those in the president Barack Obama’s account. The FBI and the US Secret Service have reported that hackers did not access any classified correspondence – although, of course, if hackers did get to the classified stuff, that fact would probably get immediately classified, too. In any case, the breach is a huge embarrassment to the White House. Here are 10 of the e-mails in Barack Obama’s account that Russian hackers were able to read.
1) From: Barack Obama
To: Hillary Clinton
“Hillary, why do you insist on using your private e-mail server and not our White House servers? Don’t you realize your E-mails could get hacked?”
2) From: Amazon.Com Fulfillment Center
To: Barry O.
“Thank you for using Amazon Prime. Your order has been shipped and will be delivered via our Amazon Drone program to the designated recipient in Pakistan within 2 to 3 business days.
Please don’t hesitate to use Amazon.com for all your future online orders.”
3) From: George W. Bush
To: Barack Obama or Current resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave, Washington
“Hiya, its me George, I movd out of this place few years back. Just checking if you got any e-mails for me at this address. I’m just checking cause sinse after I movd out of their I stopd getting most of my mails and so was wundering if you had em. Thanx alot.”
4) From: Mitch McConnell (Republican senate majority leader)
To: Barack Obama
“Mister president. The Republican party considers your presidency the worst of the American history by far, and we will not rest until you are impeached, imprisoned, and deported.
P.S. By the way, happy birthday.”
5) From: Vladimir Putin
To: E-mail sender
“Thank you for your E-mail. Unfortunately, I am currently out of the office wrestling bears and opposition leaders, and will not have any access to E-mail during that time. If your country needs to contact me urgently, please declare independence and I will be with you very shortly.”
6) From: National Security Agency
To: Barack Obama
“Mr. President. We would like to express our concern that the NSA surveillance program overhaul proposal we found in your e-mail draft folder is extremely overreaching, and could damage our unfailing ability to protect the country from foreign threats.”
7) From: Bank of America
To: Loan applicant
“Dear customer, we regret to inform you that your mortgage loan application for $1,000,000,000,000.00 (one trillion dollars) to refinance your house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington, DC has been denied.
Reasons for the denial are:
[x] There is an existing $18.2 trillion mortgage on the house;
[x] Insufficient job security because you have indicated that your position is only temporary;
[x] Too many dependents listed on the application (318 million).”
8) From: Kim Jong-Un
To: All Filthy Americans
“We laugh at your puny threats! We will crush you and your putrid rotten American imperialism! America is a scourge of the world and everything American must be mercilessly destroyed in the blazing bonfire of the revolution!!
Sent from my iPhone”
9) From: Secret Service
To: The president
“Hello. We just want to let you know know that we just had another guy jump the fence around the White House. If you see a guy running through the Oval Office, would you mind giving us a call?”
10) From: Joseph Biden, Vice President
To: Barack Obama
“Barack! Did you know you can send letters from one computer to another? This electric mail thing is a gas!”
List of X 
Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™ and commented:
Number 1 is a muthafuckin HOOT!!!!
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Thank you for the reblog, JB!
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This is funny as shit…as always your post are. Thank you for posting. Namaste.
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He can add the incident to his “Bucket” list.
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Except that Russian hackers can read his “Bucket” list too, apparently.
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as we probably can read theirs —
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This is hilarious X. #8 is my favorite -“Sent from my iPhone”
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Thank you.
Come to think of it, an iPhone could actually be more acceptable to Kim than a South Korean made Samsung.
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State dep’t ‘s emails, too were hacked . #1 is the funniest. Darn it, Hillary !
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I wonder if that makes Clinton the only person in the administration whose e-mails didn’t get hacked.
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They discovered it in October 2014. Kerry was already the Secretary.
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They may have discovered it in 2014, but it may have been going on for a while before that.
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Snowden bragged he could get into the White House emails. The hackers were Russians. Snowden is in Russia. Ergo……
just speculating
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Bahahaha. #1 is the best but all are hilarious. Thank you!
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And thank you!
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After reading number three I had a hard time reading the rest because of the tears of laughter. Great post as usual X. 😀
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And maybe there was a hint of happiness in those tears too, now that George isn’t the current resident any longer. 🙂
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I like the “bandit” in the photo above. A stereotypical Russian gangster, if ever I saw one.
GWB typos = LOL. As did Biden’s use of “gas” to describe fascination. Very accurate portraits.
No penis enlargement pills? Well done, X. That’s low-hanging fruit and I’m glad you weren’t tempted.
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You’re giving me too much credit. Penis enlargement was one of the things I first thought of. Then I thought about those e-mails, but I just couldn’t come up with a half-decent joke about.
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Haha, these are great. Love the ones from Bush and Biden.
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Thank you!
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Too funny! Biden was hilarious. 😀
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Thank you. He always is.
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All of these. Numbers 1 and 10 my fave.
I wish all list posts were this clever. I hate most list posts.
“Ten Reasons I Hate List Posts” – go!
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I’ve actually been working on this post for a year (or, more accurately, it’s been collecting dust in my draft folder for about that long since you first suggested it.)
Will you be interesting in considering it for a guest post, if I finish it in a year or two?
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I would post anything you give me as a guest post!
Okay. You once gave me something and I didn’t post it. Because I suck, and am a bad blogging friend and I forget everything.
Finish it and send it on! My blog needs you.
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Having had “issues” in the past with a certain [unnamed] financial institution, #7 is my favorite.
And I no longer have any accounts with that institution, so I believe I’m relatively safe in posting this comment.
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I’m sorry to hear that you also got rejected for a $1 Trillion mortgage by the unnamed bank of unnamed country.
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Ha! Good catch.
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Best list yet. 😆
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Thank you, and I hope to prove this wrong someday. 🙂
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I can’t select a favourite. Each is a gem.
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Thank you!
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OMG! LOL! CNN! FBI! GMO! I honestly don’t know which one made me laugh the outloudest. It might be one of the first three… but maybe not.
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Probably it wasn’t the KGB, then.
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Best fried chicken chain in Russia
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I think KGB stands for Kommunist Grilled Borscht
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Kitchen Grilled Bird
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That’s even better. 200% varieties of birds and 500% varieties of seasoning than KFC!
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But the lines were so long
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And don’t forget your food ration card.
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word…
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Again, LOL funny! You are making a habit of this. (My favorite was #6.)
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Thank you! And I should try to keep it as a habit then, because it’s one of only a few good habits I have.
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Kim Jong Un, Putin, and Biden, are my favourites. Funny stuff. Again!
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Thank you! And I’m pretty sure that the first two are planning to stick around for many more years, so you can count on a steady trickle of further Put Jong In jokes.
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God I hope so.
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So you’re saying that Joe Biden is a bit of a Luddite?
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He’s a people person, not those newfangled electronic gadgets person.
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#3 Soo funny!
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Thanks. I actually had to fixed most of the errors there to make it readable.
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I would have understood either way. 🙂
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Every one of them was hilarious – thanks for the laugh 🙂
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And thank you for reading!
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Did you know that most of Congress do not know how to send an e-mail? So obviously the last one is my favorite.
As always, you slay me.
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I did not know that, but I’m not at all surprised that most of Congress doesn’t use E-mail. After all, many of them don’t really use modern conveniences like scientific method, facts, logic, or brains.
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Oh man.
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Gotta love it. PS my McConnell, priceless!
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Thank you! And the first part of the e-mail would be McConnell expressing his birthday wishes.
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Lol! Hillary-ous! Great post!
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OK, this is the best thing every, in the world. FunNY!
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I can think of at least a couple of things better than this post (world peace or Nutella with zero calories, for example), but thank you!!
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I just read an internet article about how Nutella is made with industrial sewage and the guts of baby seals or some such thing. Just what you want to know before you nom-nom down on half a jar, right?
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That’s disgusting! From now on, I will never nom down more than a quarter-jar at a time!
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These are hilarious! Thanks for the giggle.
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Thank you!
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