Fox News might have done the celebratory rainbow Facebook filter as well, given a huge bump in the ratings the channel received immediately following the decision.
This Friday, in a surprise 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court legalized gay marriage nationwide. This decision has been widely celebrated nationwide, on the streets and on social media, by LGBT activists and by divorce lawyers, and with White House, Disneyland, and many landmarks lit up in the rainbow colors for the occasion. On the right, the decision was met with assurances that this will lead to mandatory same-sex marriages for everyone, calls for secession and civil disobedience, and threats to move to Canada. Here are 10 of the reactions to the Court’s ruling.
1) Fox News: (Silence, then a series loud popping noises as if somebody’s head just exploded.)
2) Luc Portelance, Director of Canada Border Services Agency: “We expect millions of Americans will now try to move to Canada, and therefore we must immediately erect a wall all along our border to defend our nation from the hordes of uneducated illegal immigrants from the south of the border, who will steal our jobs, and won’t respect our Canadian traditions like metric systems and legalized gay marriage.”
3) Republican presidential candidates Rick Santorum and Mike Huckabee: “We are outraged by this decision and we shall fight it! And to prove our determination, Mike and I have already signed a pledge in solidarity to defend the marriage from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part…. Ummm… Mike? Are you absolutely sure this is the right pledge?”
4) Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia: “As I’ve written in my dissent on yesterday’s decision on Obamacare, words no longer have meaning, and therefore argle bargle argle bargle gargle margle bargle gay agenda argle bargle shmargle!”
5) Todd Robertson, Mobile, Alabama: “My preacher said last week that gay marriage will lead to the total destruction of the country. Look, I didn’t believe it at first, but yesterday, my favorite mug fell and broke, then a lightbulb went out, and today I got a flat tire, so I reckon he’s right and the destructin’ has begun…”
6) Richard Dawkins, atheist philosopher: “So same-sex marriage is legal, and Christian leaders declare that this will lead to to complete collapse of Christianity… So what’s the catch?”
7) Adam Love, LBGT activist: “Honestly, this decision has put me in a very awkward position, because, I guess, thanks to this decision, I now have to look forward to my partner Steve with his inevitable let’s-chat-about-the-future talk any day now…”
8) Chief Justice John Roberts: The court should not be even making any decisions on marriage, because marriage is not mentioned anywhere in the Constitution. So, upon further reflection, it became clear to me that every existing marriage is therefore unconstitutional and must immediately be dissolved.
9) Rush Limbaugh, conservative radio host: No matter what the court thinks, the only true marriage is the marriage between a man and a woman, what you call a traditional marriage. It is the only valid marriage in God’s eyes. And I know that I have not merely followed the will of God, but I have far exceeded God’s expectation by already having had four traditional marriages!
10) God: Hello? And who do you imagine allowed this decision to happen?… Now please excuse me, as there are dozens of Republican candidates waiting for me to call and tell them to run for president. Oh, and once I’m done, I just might put up some celebratory rainbow colors in the sky, too.
So, what was your reaction? Have Obama’s jack-booted thugs stopped by your house to assign you a mandatory same-sex spouse yet?
List of X 
Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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As far as #2 is concerned – we prefer not to take the Republicans – they are on our “No Drive” list.. If you want though, you can send the Democrats and keep the Republicans there. And please don’t send Scalia,even though we are very polite, there is a limit – remember Vimy Ridge? we were upset that day too.
Fun post X. Thank You.
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I don’t think you need to worry about Republican immigrants to Canada, Paul. They probably won’t find the way there, because many of them are still having trouble finding their way out of nineteenth century.
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Ha! Too funny X.
As an aside , I have a guest post over at Cordelia’s Mom http://cordeliasmomstill.com/2015/06/29/what-do-you-mean-thats-not-legal-guest-post-by-paul-curran/comment-page-1/#comment-11796 I would be honored if you had the time to drop by for a read. Thanks!
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Thanks, you can please check my site and give me proper suggestion about the content on site, by commenting on blogs
https://mlmarketings.wordpress.com/
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X, after reading this, I feel like proposing to you, on the assumption of course that you are indeed male (suspicions of robot origin aside – I am NOT anti-robot, by the way, I have watched Blade Runner like seventy times). Yup, Mr. Harper has already started erection of his wall to keep out the impending flood – I say let them come! Seriously, much ado about nothing, this is the way things are meant to be, I think, and one day we’ll look back and shake our heads or somepin. I hope everyone’s head at Fox news pops. Had occasion to watch that a bit ago, who are those three twits that do the morning piece (one girl, two guys)? They seem inordinately feckless. Like that Limbaugh guy, he seems rather rumpy (I think that’s a word).
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Heh-heh. You said “erection” closely followed by “come.” We’re too smart to let that one get by, Terence Trent Lewin.
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And here I thought I was being subtle…
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Maybe just a little too closely. 🙂 I think in my spam folder they sell some pills that could fix this. 🙂
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I’m flattered, Trent, but I think we still have laws banning marriage to Canadians.
I think i know which show you’re referring to, but I don’t know their names. But please don’t make me google the Fox News people, I don’t think I want to know who they are.
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X, for you, I’m willing to emigrate.
Fox be fools, yo!
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He could come to Canada to merry you. X what do you say?
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Merry me? What does this mean? Does the Supreme Court have to pass additional legislation now? I’m mean, I’m up for it and all, but I prefer my excesses to be legal.
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Yes!
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I don’t think it was s surprise ruling at all. I think they saw it coming down the road with lights blaring. “Largely” celebrated. Ha. Also derided in some backward-thinking quarters. Get behind history, idiots.
Scalia was my favorite. Why do I love it so when he gets good and angry? That’s not very Christian of me.
What really kind of pissed me off a bit was the day after, the New York Times featured an article about how gays were now lamenting the demise of their “outsider” status and bemoaning the fact that they’re becoming part of the mainstream. Really?! Behind every silver lining, there’s a dark cloud.
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Well, it is kind of cool to have an outsider status and not be a part of the mainstream – that was all what hipster movement was about, up until they got sucked into the mainstream – ha!
But I have a solution for these gays who want to feel special – they can move to any one of the states where they can still be legally fired for being gay. That should feel like being an outsider, won’t it?
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When you’re done evaluating his, can you also stop by mine and give me some suggestions about the content on site? Thank you.
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Nobody is going to ‘get’ this pun if you remove the spam comment. Can you put it back so I don’t look like a babbling idiot? (Like that’ll make a difference.)
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I’m sorry, I was deleting this spam comment just as you were commenting on it. I’ll try to restore it, because the guy definitely requires a serious evaluation.
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Never mind restoring the spam comment. Get busy evaluating my site. And provide some content, too, while you’re at it.
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Oh come on, I just went back and restored it, and I was forced to buy some realistic Michael Kors bags filled with effectable weight loss pills before it let me restore it.
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That’s what you get for being a people pleaser.
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I guess I’ll now have to go and evaluate the guy’s blog, too…
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I had a swarm of these gay canvassers pounding on my door all weekend trying to bring me over to their team. They were insistent, and even forceful, threatening me with all sorts of horrors. They said if I didn’t join them I’d suffer for an eternity. They demanded I become one of them and wouldn’t take no as an answer! It was horrible… Oh, wait… No…. they were evangelicals.
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Have you tried telling them that marriage between evangelicals is perfectly legal, and they don’t really need your help?
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Not yet, but I will next weekend.
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shucks, I guess my marriage of 24 years just has to end.
I read the decision and dissents. It’s been a while since I’ve seen such unprofessional whining and just bad arguments in dissents. Always a good sign when the dissents are nothing more than logical fallacies and personal attacks.
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I don’t think your marriage has to end. You’ll just get an additional same-sex spouse (or spouses because these liberals won’t just stop at two-spouse relationships). And you may have to marry your pets, as well.
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Secretly in the wings, bakers and wedding planners drool for the money to be made. Now how to accomplish that without actually baking or planning is the question.
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Easy: take the deposit then declare that your religious beliefs forbid you to bake the cake for the wedding or return the deposit.
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
This I have to share … If only!
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Thank you for the reblog!
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You’re welcome!
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Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh, oh my gosh! I have been waiting for this list and now … uh … ahhhhhhh. If only #1 were true (if there were a god, it would have been) and #10 could only be so if all the conservatives truly believed which we know they do not (they only believe what theu believe and so have themselves as a god).
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I just don’t understand, when something like this happens, how do you even argue that this isn’t a part of God’s plan? He works in mysterious way, does he not? If a tragedy occurs, it’s God’s plan, but if gay marriage is legalized, it’s not?
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It means, as you pointed out yesterday, that I have to marry my dog, Duncan.
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You know, the great thing about having a canine spouse is that they are much less likely to leave a spouse than humans. Unfortunately, they also have very (and I mean, VERY) liberal approach to fidelity, and usually aren’t great conversationalists.
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Twitter blew up two minutes after the decision. I happy danced in my kitchen and made a few calls. I didn’t think to turn on Fox News. That would’ve been interesting…
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It was probably just as fun to watch them as in the hour after the 2012 election got called for Obama.
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Someone on Facebook posted a message from God telling everyone to lighten up and accept gay marriage. I commented that I thought that much anti-homosexuality had originally come from one or two of His handbooks. I’ve only heard crickets since.
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It’s possible those were same-sex crickets celebrating the court’s decision…
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I know now why the caged cricket chirps.
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Thanks to SCOTUS last week, I imagine there isn’t anyone at Fox whose head hasn’t exploded. But I’m sure they’ll still find a way to get their ‘fair and balanced’ words out…
Funny as always!
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I suspect they don’t really need heads to get their ‘fair and balanced’ message out somehow… 🙂
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Funny stuff, X. Nicely done.
But on a serious note, how many of us have actually thought about the concept of marriage, or at least the concept of having government’s imprimatur on it as a legal contract? Back in the day when the world was an agrarian economy, it made more sense. Families were units that produced needed farm hands while maintaining social and economic stability. But love? Nah. That exists regardless of any written document and a case can be made that too many unions are continued well past the point of common sense. And here in the 21st century, what sense does it really make to give a couple a tax break just because they signed a contract? What about family groups of siblings or other relatives, or just co-habitors? Seems to me the only rationale now is religious, and that’s something government should steer clear of. IMO.
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As I see it, this decision has nothing to do with love. No one was declaring being gay to be illegal (at least, not in the US), no one was stopping a gay couple from saying any commitment vows to each other, no one was forbidding same sex couples from living together. Anything actually related to love was already legal, as some dissenting Justices have pointed out in their opinions.
But as you say, marriage is a contract between two people and a government, which provides certain benefits and protections to the couple in exchange for the couple promising to provide emotional and economic stability to each other and bring up children into new citizens. The list of these benefits and protections is long – social security, pensions, insurance, inheritance, medical decisions, taxes, and so on, and only a relationship recognized by the government as “marriage” gets all of that by default. (Although, in reality, some of these benefits can sometimes turn out to be disadvantages, like Social Security benefits, or means-tested government benefits, or “marriage tax penalty”.) In fact, since in the agrarian times few of these things even existed and those that did weren’t as regulated, there are probably more reasons for a relationship to be recognized as “marriage” now than it was back then. After all, a group of siblings or other extended family members can do farming just as effectively.
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Exactly, X. I agree. I wish more people understood.
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Well, it doesn’t matter now – assuming that the Supreme Court doesn’t change their mind, there is no longer a wall that used to separate love and marriage.
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The reaction to the decision is not surprising but the level of hypocrisy in the negative comments by the far right especially the religious right is astounding. The amazing thing to me is the person who has been married multiple times saying that same sex marriage goes against the teachings of the bible……………..wow.
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Yeah, and so does eating shrimp and mowing the lawn on a Sunday.
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Also true
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I got ten laughs out of this one. Thanks.
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Thank you! Although most of the credit should go to the conservatives.
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I have nothing to add.
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But that’s just you. Our Republicans will keep complaining about it for years to come.
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This is so good!! I wish I had something witty or smart to say here, but I don’t. You basically got it all correct!! But I will say that finally now that Gay marriage is legal, weddings might actually be fun to attend. Those gays know how to put on a party! WOOP!!!
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Well, as long as the gay couple doesn’t try to save money by hiring a straight wedding planner… 🙂
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Number one; Maybe they were celebrating the decision… nah. Number two; Let’s see Ted Cruz try to get back to Canada through a wall of his own making. Number three; Has to be the Right pledge, after all…it came from the right! Number four; Especially if Mr. Scalia decides to speak like Dr. Seuss, and use real nonsense words. Number five; I vaguely recall reading about all those signs in the book of Revelation. Number six: And he concluded…”Where do I sign up to help the process along.” Number seven; That’s what happens when you get married. Number eight; He’s right… just like the separation of church and state, and may god bless America, as long as America does what we want them too. Number nine; But, only because of his hardheartedness… I think that’s in the Bible so it must be true. Number ten; Amen. X hit the spot! 😀
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Oh wow, you did a list of 10 comment on my post 🙂
I don’t even know where to start responding here 🙂 But I sure don’t foresee Ted Cruz wanting to go back to Canada – after all, he’s had enough trouble already trying to get rid of his Canadian citizenship and a stigma of being born in the socialist hellhole named Canada in general.
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I’ll have you know that because we allow gay marriages, we are now officially fascists, not socialists – we contaminated the US, according to some good American “Christians” I’ve met on-line lately. 😀
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I hate to break it to you, but you’re both fascists and socialists. 🙂 Those American “Christians” just didn’t want to hurt your feelings too much 🙂
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**SOB**
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Perhaps your right X. Well, at least we tried. 😀
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Priceless, or, in Scalia-speak, jiggery-blubber gdonsk.
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Exactily-diddily-doodily.
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Bawahaha # 2 and not of the washroom variety. Canada defend anything Canadian?? What’s that mean?!
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What, don’t you have anything to defend? What about… well… ummm…. beavers and mooses?
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Nope Canada doesn’t seem to defend any of our culture or traditions sadly.
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Which brings me to ask a question for your blog – what ARE the Canadian traditions people actually know (or think they know)?
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Well one is the hat the RCMP wears. Now turbans are allowed in place of. Oh man this stuff ticks me off.
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God called Sarah, she wouldn’t take his call though.
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I think she did take God’s call, but he was forced to hang up when she started talking how his idea of Christianity is all wrong.
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Gotta love the collection. Tough to pic a fav, especially after your point with the Fox rainbow logo. I’ll add one … “The Supreme Court’s ruling is unconstitutional.” (Sarah Palin)
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At this point, I’m not sure whether your Sarah’s reaction is satire or is it a quote from her verbatim 🙂
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Love your lists – they always make me laugh. Want to see how stats compare now on divorce rates between same sex and opposite sex couples – curious.
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My prediction is that the same sex divorce rates will be about the same, if not higher – imagine not being allowed to eat apples under any circumstances – you are allowed to touch, smell, but not eat; imagine fighting for years to be allowed to eat apples, then imagine finally being allowed to eat apples – your expectations for what apples are like are probably going to be pretty high at this point, so you’re more likely to be disappointed in them than someone for whom apples were never such a big deal. 🙂
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Great analogy. However the fruit has been eaten for quite some time now – just not “forbidden” in certain respects any longer, I guess you could say! Might see a surge in marriages and then see it fall off after a while as well. With the “me ethic” and growing ambivalence toward marriage in general, it will be interesting to see how marriage fares for everyone in the future.
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Canada really should build a wall… if the republitards start moving North…
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Or just hire more flaming beavers to patrol the border.
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Wasn’t “The Flaming Beavers” a grunge band?
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If it’s not, there should be.
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haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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Hah! “What’s the catch?” If only!
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Yeah, it will just end up to be yet another failed prediction by the Christian leaders.
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No, but that’s just because Obama’s jack-booted thugs are busy signing me up for extremely expensive health insurance that has a $6000 deductible. I’m sure my mail-order bride will be coming next.
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But the good news is that your same-sex wedding would be covered under Obamacare.
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Does any of this apply to West Virginia?
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Not if you ask West Virginia.
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Pingback: Friday Nite Lite Up Your Ass: Because Religious Freedom | Sky Dancing
I was really excited when the Texas Attorney General told everyone they didn’t have to follow Federal law if it violated their conscience. I’m sure the Federal Government will feel the same way and let their conscience not put these people in jail faster than you can say “you moron”.
I’m still waiting on my same-sex spouse. I’m hoping she’ll be better at the housework than I am.
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I also want to know if Texas AG thinks that people don’t have to follow the laws of Texas if it violates their conscience.
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It goes against my conscience to let people see books. Never mind that I’m a librarian. Oh, wait, no that would fit right in with what they want . . .
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