This is how the stage of the Republican debate would look like if all candidates were allowed to participate.
The 2016 presidential campaign is now in full swing, and there already seem to be at least several hundred Republicans who have declared that they are running for president – Jeb Bush, Ben Carson, Chris Christie, Ted Cruz, Carly Fiorina, Lindsey Graham, Bobby Jindal, Mike Huckabee, John Kasich, George Pataki, Rand Paul, Rick Perry, Marco Rubio, Rick Santorum, Donald Trump, Scott Walker, just to name a few. To manage the onslaught of the candidates, Fox News, which is hosting the first Republican primary debate on August 6, has already limited the debate to top 10 candidates. (I guess Fox is working on its own list of 10…) However, even with just 10 candidates Fox will face a challenge in how to give every one of them an opportunity to give an extended answer to all the debate questions. It seems that the only reasonable way to do so would be to conduct the debate by asking every question in multiple choice form. So here are 10 proposed multiple-choice questions for the debate.
1) On the scale from 1 to 10, how much do you hate Barack Obama?
a) 9;
b) 10;
c) All of the above, i.e., 19;
d) I hate the fact that you even bring up Barack Obama.
2) What is your position on climate change?
a) Climate change is a hoax;
b) Climate change is a natural phenomenon, it’s not man-made;
c) Don’t ask me, I’m not a scientist… and don’t you ask the scientists, either;
d) So what if the ice is melting? These polar bears should just get their act together and find real jobs.
3) How would you reduce the budget deficit?
a) Cut taxes;
b) Cut taxes;
c) Cut taxes;
d) Cut taxes, if it doesn’t work, cut taxes again.
4) What is your position on immigration?
a) Deport all illegal immigrants;
b) Deport all immigrants;
c) Deport all non-white people, gays, minorities, single women, liberals, college students, and so on;
d) Cut taxes.
5) Do you agree with Donald Trump calling Mexicans murderers, drug dealers, and rapists?
a) I agree with Donald Trump;
b) I disagree with Donald Trump saying this out loud;
c) The Republican party must reach out to Hispanics and explain to them that Donald Trump is right;
d) I am Donald Trump.
6) How would you deal with Iranian nuclear threat?
a) Bomb them;
b) Bomb them to the ground;
c) I will consider all options, then bomb them to the ground;
d) Bomb them to the ground, then rebuild Iran as a strong democracy, then once again bomb them to the ground.
7) With so many candidates running, what make you different from the other candidates?
a) I am not a politician;
b) I am a Senator, but since I don’t do anything useful in the Senate, I’m essentially not a politician;
c) I have a birthmark under my left knee;
d) I am Donald Trump.
8) How can you put a stop to Russian aggression in Ukraine?
a) By showing strength;
b) By showing toughness;
c) By showing fortitude;
d) By showing the entire thesaurus page with the full list of synonyms for the word “strength”.
9) What is your position on abortion?
a) No abortions for anyone, ever;
b) Allow abortions only in the cases of rape, and only with a notarized affidavit from the rapist stating that the rape was legitimate;
c) Allow abortions only in the cases where a fetus is an illegitimate child of a Republican politician;
d) Require transvaginal ultrasounds to all women even thinking about abortion, whether they’re pregnant or not.
10) Why did you decide to run for president?
a) God told me to run;
b) My family told me to run;
c) My personal trainer told me to run;
d) My hair told me to run.
List of X 
LOL That’s hilarious ! Thanks !
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Thank you!
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This whole race is illegitimate until Michelle Bachmann tosses her (whatever garb she wears) into the ring.
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Her husband?
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Haha! Booyah!
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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Love your stuff.
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Ha! Hilarious X – I laughed out loud (quietly as it is 3 am here). bwahahaha Those polar bears always were a lazy lot. Ha!
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I do most of my blog reading (and writing) at 3 am as well!)
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And they’re against guns and pollution too, the bums!
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So right, bwahaha! That said we have produced Grolars that are a cross between a grizzly and a Polar bear – and they are mean, mean, mean and can live and operate comfortably in the warmer climates inhabited by Republicans. We are assembling a Grolar sleuth and intend to deliver it to the Republican congress. (p.s. a group of bears in called “sleuth” – some funny ones at http://twistedsifter.com/2010/06/10-bizarre-names-for-a-group-of-animals/ ) 😀
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Thanks for the link. So can a sleuth of bear, working with the zeal of zebras and shrewdness of apes, solve a murder of crows? 🙂
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A sleuth of Grolars can solve anything- they just kill it and eat it. That’s why they would be so good at the Republican convention – reduces the list of candidates and separates out the quick from the slow. 😀
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Those quickest ones will probably be quick to invade other countries, or just the younger and less experienced ones. So I’m not sure I trust the Grolars to pick out the worst candidates.
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Hmm, good point. We may have to rethink this. 😀
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There’s way too many big words in those questions. The candidates won’t understand. (Neither will the people watching Fox News.)
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Since the purpose of the debate is too weed out the less competent candidates, a few two-syllable words were intentionally sprinkled around to do just that.
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I think #3 will just confuse them and they won’t know which one to pick. And with multiple choice questions they all – all 17 or 20 or whatever number – of them could participate. No need to get down to just 10. Brilliant idea.
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If the party keeps adding new candidates, even this multiple-choice solution won’t be much help.
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#11 How old is the Earth?
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You probably want the answers, so here they are:
a) 6000 years;
b) I’m not a scientist, I think 6000 years;
c) I’m not a theologian, I think 6000 years;
d) 6 years, because there was nothingness and void prior to inauguration of Barack Obama.
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LOL!
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Chris Christie complained that you gave too many cake questions for Trump. Oh wait, did someone say cake?!?
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I think that to Donald Trump, every question would be a piece of cake that he can answer without any thinking at all.
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I like the idea providing multiple choice … but I doubt they could limit themselves to either the letter or just the answer.
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Well, the candidates better limit themselves to just one letter, because by the time they get around to pronouncing the second letter, they will probably get interrupted by Donald Trump.
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.. even with one letter, I don’t think each of them could stick to just the letter … let alone giving no letter to go into some campaign talk.
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wonderful. I think this one is my favorite “d) By showing the entire thesaurus page with the full list of synonyms for the word “strength”.”
For all of the candidates claiming that God told them to run, this seems to indicate that God is fucking around with them or they are liars……. I think we need to have each candidate stand before an altar soaked with water and see who can get their god to make it catch on fire.
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I have a theory that God tells people like Sarah Palin, Ted Cruz, Michelle Bachmann to run, because he wants Democrats to win.
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Another home run, you s.o.b. How do you do it? I’m jealous.
How happy are you that Trump will make it into the top 10 and participate in the debate? I’m thrilled beyond belief. I thought it was going to be a dull affair–barely worth tuning in for–but it turns out it’ll be akin to a professional wrestling match. I hope Trump really looses it and shouts insults into the microphone while the other candidates are speaking.
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I have every Republican politicians phone bugged, so I just have to pick out the most ridiculous tidbits as long as they sound at least somewhat believable.
And yes, I am excited about Trump, so much that I might even attempt to watch the debate.
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Are you kidding me?! I can’t wait! I’m going to pop some popcorn. The Trump Show! The debate and next year’s GOP convention is going to put Cleveland—my hometown—on the map. I hear they’re going to have to bus in some prostitutes from Chicago.
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Reblogged this on Arlin Report and commented:
Better questions than we are currently hearing.
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Damn how I wish my hair talked to me. Having Trump around reminds me of good ol Ross Perot. Crazy rich bastard.
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Yes, I think Trump is considering becoming an independent candidate if he doesn’t win the primary, and then an independent president if he doesn’t win the general election.
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This was almost as entertaining as the shitshow being provided by the Republican party. It’s hard to make up jokes funnier than the real deal. I can’t believe Trump is the frontrunner…actually, now that I think about it, I can.
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I’m not even going to watch the debate because there is a risk that by the end of it I’ll just hang my head in shame and quit humor altogether.
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Wonderful idea. I’m sure the candidates would love it. Multiple choice questions require less brain power, and these guys need to conserve theirs…
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And if this new format still proves too difficult, Fox could always allow a call to a friend and 50/50.
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Haha, yes!
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With ten canditates the dabate is going to take about twelve hours.
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And eleven of them will be spent by moderators trying to shut Trump up.
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Hahahaha. Classic X. Love it.
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Reblogged this on Still Skeptical After All These Years.
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Outstanding! Reblogged on Still Skeptical After All These Years.
Minor edit suggestion:
7) With so many candidates running, what make you different from the other candidates?
d) I am Donald Trump, and I’m really, really RICH.
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Oh yes, Donald will definitely need a few opportunities to tell us that he’s very rich.
Thank you for the reblog!
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“and then an independent president if he doesn’t win the general election.”
X, your should do this ^^^^
I could live in a country where you were the president. You are one cool dude.
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That’s a really low bar, Samara, because you had already lived in a country where George W. Bush was president. 🙂
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I disagree with Donald Trump saying this out loud… brilliant stuff X, I about peed my pants and am pretty sure you’ve just converted me to a Republican – because they can’t possibly have all that wacky fun for themselves only. It’s just not fair. We don’t have a Republican party in Canada, so Trent P. Lewin is going to start one. This List of 10 items will form my basic package of principals.
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I have to warn you, Trent, it’s only funny when you’re looking at it from the outside. It’s like, watching monkeys flinging poo is only funny when there is glass between you and them, not so much when you’re among them. Although, with the right mindset, the latter could be even more fun.
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Well, good fortune to you and your poo-flinging days. We’ll be observing, and frankly don’t know what to make of it all. I also think we’re moving in the direction of your politics, so we may be looking on you guys for advice. Sigh.
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I can give an advice right now – don’t move in that direction.
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It’s not entirely up to me… we just had an election call up here, for October. We’ll see which way the wind blows. Maybe we need some 10 pieces of advice the various parties in the States can give to Canadaland for the upcoming election?
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So overjoyed to have seen the Republican Debate…IN ADVANCE! Now I won’t have to watch it since it would be a rehash (uh…I mean rerun) of what they always say anyway. However, how did you get your hands on this advance copy of it? Excellent laughs, as always X. :@)
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I think you still have to watch it. It’s like a reality show but with a budget in hundreds of millions and now with an actual celebrity.
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The Donald’s hair! You’ve convinced me.
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Have you been talking to The Donald’s hair too?
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Its alive, its alive, its ALIVE!
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I love this idea. All debates should be multiple-choice. Or better yet, true-false. True-false questions would stump the hell out of them, because they’re completely ignorant of the difference.
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Probably because the debate is hosted by Fox News, and the line between True and False is really blurred there.
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I disagree with Donald Trump saying it out loud. Sheer brilliance.
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Thank you. Trump does put a lot of these candidates in a difficult position, but I don’t feel bad for them in the least.
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This really does cut right to the heart of the matter doesn’t it… I don’t know whether to laugh or cry… so I guess I will do both… at the same time…
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So, all of the above, then. 🙂
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I always pick that one
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Awesome! How about a list for the other side too?
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I could try, but the Democratic candidates aren’t nearly as interesting.
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Brilliant as always. You had me laughing and smiling the whole way through. Now we should take this before a bunch of republicans and see how many of them realize it’s intended as humor. How many will get it? 5%? 2%?
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Maybe even as much as 20-30%, but I’m not taking that risk, since the majority will probably be offended, and a majority of those will probably be armed, too.
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Don’t miss this …. the circus will be in town next week!!
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Thank you for the reblog!
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You’re welcome. I enjoy your “format” of the 10 questions. Very well done. Peace ….
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You have a good imagination. It could work out that you are not far from the mark on this!
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Tomorrow, we shall see just how close I was. I don’t expect the questions to be multiple choice, but I’m still expecting to match their answers.
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Carl D’Agostino on August 1, 2015 at 9:06 am said:
Give big corporations more tax breaks( don’t call it corporate welfare). Then they will use money to reinvest to create jobs. It does not mean that trickle down never works and has not worked ever. This time the corporations will not buy gold and property instead of create jobs. Outsourcing jobs to other countries helps export ratio which creates jobs. Uh, ha. Yeah, right.
Reply ↓
Carl D’Agostino
on August 1, 2015 at 9:07 am said:
Also, requiring that every man woman and child own 15 guns will also create jobs and keep the streets safer. Thanks visit my blog.
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What I don’t understand in this “tax cuts to corporations create jobs” is how whenever a corporation cuts a few thousand jobs, its stock goes up. But I agree that making everyone buy 15 guns would create jobs, because guns seem to be one of the very few things that are still made in the US.
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You missed : 9 – D) I am an abortion that survived
Perfect as always X. I just got finished watching Ben Carson on Meet the Press, don’t know which was worse, Ben Carson or Chuck Todd.
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If you couldn’t distinguish between the two, Chuck Todd is worse. At least he is paid to pretend to be objective.
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You are seriously one of the most hilarious blogs out there. I’m kind of pissed at myself that I don’t check here daily for updates. I’m so bookmarking your ass now.
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