Jeb Bush using a magic wand to fix the Constitution and to make the U.S. Gross Domestic Product grow at 4% as he promised earlier.
A couple of days ago, Jeb Bush, one of the leading Republican non-Trump candidates and a devoted admirer of the Constitution, had said in an interview, and I quote, “there are like 10 things I would change in the Constitution with a magic wand“. Since Governor Bush has pretty much written the post title for me, I feel like I should return the favor and help him change these 10 things he wants fixed in the Constitution. (Unfortunately, magic wands are currently out of stock at Amazon.com, so I had to use a magic marker instead). Here are 10 things Jeb Bush would magically change in the Constitution… although he might have gotten a little carried away in the process.
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Although the signature section of the Constitution isn’t used to establish any laws, it would be fair to make some adjustments there, as well, so…
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Since we’re fixing the Constitution already, is there anything else you want changed once Jeb gets his magic wand?
List of X 
Brilliant. A perfect summary of what the current GOP actually represents…
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Thank you. I’m sure I’m only scratching the surface here, since there are 16 more candidates with more ideas about what they want to fix in their beloved Constitution.
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And according to Godsmanforever on a recent post on Arkenaten’s page on WP- all 16 candidates are chosen by God himself and he can’t wait until God reveals the enemy (the Democrat) lol.
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Give how God has chosen all 17 candidates, and only one of them at most would win, I would think that these candidates start suspecting that God is not being entirely honest with most of them.
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Lol yeah- all 17 have God on their side yep- guess that shows God wants republicans to win- 😄 reminds me of picking flower petals in kindergarten- “he loves me- he loves me not- (last petal) he loves me” lol
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Or it could be more like “he loves me not, he loves me not, he loves me not, he loves me not… and he loves me not… oops, sorry, that’s the wrong flower.”
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LOL- damnit- it was poison ivy the whole time- now he loves me not and I have this darn itch wtf 😜😂
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He’s not taking away women’s suffrage? I’m shocked.
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Now that you mention it, Jeb regrets this unfortunate omission and will rectify this the minute he gets his hand on a magic wand.
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I actually found Trump’s suggested changes:
Replace Article II, Section 1: “The chief executive of the United States will be the head of the Royal Family, also known as the House of Trump. His title shall be “President Trump.” He shall serve for life, unless he chooses to step down and pass leadership to the next in line. Succession goes to the first natural male child to the President or his designee, should he not have children. This is followed by other males born in the birth order. In case of there being no male children, the first female child should take on the role. If anyone takes the role not named Trump, he or she will change their name to assure there is only President Trump.
Replace Article II, Sections 2-4: The President will be commander in chief of the armed forces, have the power to sign treaties, make appointments and run the national bureaucracy. The President can veto any legislative act; this veto cannot be overridden. If Congress refuses to act on a Presidential request for legislation within three weeks, the President can implement emergency legislation to bypass Congress.
And add to Article III, Section 1: “In a case where the legal opinion of the Supreme Court and the President are in conflict, the President determines the meaning of the Constitution.
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I think there was also an amendment to the first paragraph that declared that the annual Miss America contest shall continue with the winner being selected as a suitable and fertile wife for President Trump for the period of up 1 year – should the winner be unable to perform her duties, she will be replaced with the 1st runner up, and so on.
And there was a lot of mentions of beheadings, too…
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This is brilliant! Let this go Viral!!
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I have no problem with that other than that I don’t know how.
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Me neither. I’ll pray for it. That must work, right?
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If it works, I shall accept you as my personal savior.
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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Ha, awesome. Love the names you added in with the signatures.
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It’s only fair because they are doing a lot of lawmaking via their legislative subsidiary doing business as the Republican Party.
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Amendment VI: In all criminal prosecutions, except in cases of suspected terrorism, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial . . .
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I think there must be something in there to specify that the term “terrorism” is only applied to crimes, regardless of how heinous, committeed by non-whites. Because.
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I expect this should be clarified, too. And “terrorist” committed by whites will be defined as “fighting against tyranny”.
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Yes, and we’ll need a similar correction to the searches and seizures amendment to be consistent.
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This is my favorite of all your posts to date! Like Jon Stewart, turnin’ my frown upside down. 🙂
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Awww, thank you! But now that you mention Jon Stewart who left the Daily Show, I feel my own frown coming back… 🙂
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excellent!
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Thank you!
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oooOOOOooo!!!, Jeb Bush’s wand makes cool sparkles! I know who I’m voting for!
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If you’re voting for candidates based on their sparkles, you risk electing a vampire as president (if the movie Twighlight taught us anything).
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Happy to say I’ve never seen a single one of those movies. I did however go see the new Fantastic Four movie…(in the theater) sooo honestly I probably shouldn’t even be allowed to vote anymore.
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Based on what you told me, you should still be able to vote, but from now on they’ll only give you one vote in each election.
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Damn! You mean I can’t use all ten anymore? 😦
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Sorry… I don’t make these rules.
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YUP. You nailed it. Again.
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Jeb is making it way too easy for me. He’s like an amalgam of the funniest parts of George W. Bush and Mitt Romney.
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OMG, this was hilarious. I laugh, then I cry a little, then I hide under my bed. So ironic that someone from the party that worships the Constitution (in their own image) as much as the Bible, wants to change it to suit his needs. I wonder if he’d back the Bushian Bible too. Mark out all that crap about the poor and stuff.
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Yes, once they’re done with the Constitution, they should really fix the Bible, because what it says and what they practice are like two completely different religions.
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Yikes! I hope our southern Neighbor doesn’t elect one of them there constitution changers. Very funny X.
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I wouldn’t worry about your southern neighbor. At the moment we are so divided, that we couldn’t pass the salt, much less a constitutional amendment.
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The only Bush with a magic wand is George H.W. Bush. It magically produced an idiot son who actually became President.
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Yeah, that was some very powerful dark magic. There was even enough of it left over to produce Dick Cheney and Karl Rove.
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Well, that was sobering and true. Christ, is this what I need at 6:36 a.m.? The truth? That’s not why I come to the internet.
I say bring back the crown. We are a sorry-ass country because we don’t have a king or queen. I follow the British monarchy news and it’s tremendous fun. A great distraction from the truth of my day. We need a king or queen. Can you red line that into the Constitution?
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A king or queen? That would mean I would have to rewrite the whole Constitution, although I already have the first draft: “What the king or queen says, goes”.
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Oh my … this is classic. Love the way you did the changes with a pen. What a hoot! Meanwhile, interesting how Republicans (on one hand) call for returning to the roots & intent of the Constitution, then (on the other hand) call for amendments/changes.
Off topic – No only thanks for your dialogue in my recent post … especially with Erik – but more importantly, for keeping it civil & on topic.
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Yeah, I find this approach to the Constitution at least somewhat hypocritical, but isn’t different from the Republican politicians’ approach to the Bible, or to family values, or to their reaction to the actions of Republican vs. Democratic officials. At least they’re consistent in their hypocrisy, I have to give them that much.
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Yep – and I’ve got the feeling hypocrisy is across the board.
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I’m fond of adding “or something” at the end of constitutional amendments, too.
Also, “We the corporations” made me very, very sad.
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I added “or something” because you don’t want to to make the Constitution too straightforward and restrict the Supreme Court too much from making up the rules as they go.
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It’s pretty sad when Bush’s mother said a couple of years ago when Jeb was talking about running: “I think there’s been enough Bush’s in the Whitehouse.” Even she’s tired of these guys.
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She was probably already saying the same thing back in 1999, and we didn’t listen.
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How about adding something like, “No President shall be removed from office till another suitable child/sibling or other heir is available to take over office”!
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Hillary Clinton wants to know if you are okay with changing “child/sibling” to “child/sibling/spouse”?
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Maybe, we can sponsor another Amendment to this effect?!
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It’s probably just a question of price, I think.
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I like that you came right out and said the ‘white’ people… it needed to be said… they can’t pretend they don’t feel that way, but they do… it explains their animosity towards the sitting president.
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I bet the Founding Fathers even in their wildest dreams didn’t envision a black man being president, so obviously their intended meaning has to be clarified.
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Pays to be clear about things
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And they weren’t exceptionally good about it, unfortunately. Like this whole Second Amendment thing – do people have to be in the militia to be armed? What’s the meaning of “well-regulated”? Why do people need the arms of a bear?
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I have bare arms right now… I always blog naked… ha
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Even without the sunglasses?
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no… never that
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I can’t believe you didn’t go on and on about your own magic wand.
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I don’t like to brag about my magic wand
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So you say, so you say…
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I mean, not here…
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Is it a wee little thin, crooked wand like in Harry Potter? Sooooo cute!
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Think more like Gandalf’s staff…
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Before or after the Balrog bit it?
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I think after Balrog bit it, Gandalf’s wand got some extra magical powers. I think that Balrog may have been radioactive – that would explain the constant heat and light coming from him.
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The Balrog bit the big one… ha
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Balrogs rock! So, did he bite the big one on account of you sticking your Gandalf-sized wand in him? Oh wait, was that indelicate and unsubtle… shit.
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I waved it at him and he got scared
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You should really clean your wand sometimes.
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I polish it daily
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just got back… will look at email tomorrow… you already have two more chapters, right?
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I just sent you chapters 5 and 6 edited, ready for the next ones.
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holy moley… okay… I am on it…
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I sent you edited 5 and 6, you just sent me 7,8,9,10, which is totally okay.
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that’s what I thought
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Oh come on, what’s with this wand-measuring contest here?
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Jeb Bush brags about his.
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that is just weird and creepy
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I think you should be the next president!
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I’m currently ineligible to become one, but you know what? with this magic wand, I can fix that!
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Well then you’re all set and the US is about to
1. Be shocked
2.Get much better
3. Be confused
4. No longer have Obamacare
5. Have the poor get rich and the rich think they’re poor
6. Have cheaper booze
7. Have no more war
8. No more lying politicians
9. Kiss you
10. Ask for your autograph
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Oh wow, a personal list of 10. 🙂 But I’m afraid i can’t possibly deliver all of that – for example, how can you have no lying politicians when i haven’t been entirely truthful and not tell you that List of X isn’t even my real name?
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lol! Well I kind of knew that “List of X” isn’t your real name.
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Look X, I’m getting kind of worried. I generally lean on you for accurate representations of the madness inherent in your politics, but I’m a bit concerned that I’ve suddenly started to develop feelings for Mr. Bush. They’re not nice feelings – but what if he is a nice guy? What if he likes ice cream and fireworks? He can’t be a total revisionist tool, can he? Can he?
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It’s okay to have feelings, Trent. I think, according to research, people vote more with their emotions than with their brains anyway. I don’t know know about Jeb, but his brother seemed like a nice guy, and maybe really was, and that’s probably how he was elected, but he was probably utterly unqualified to run a country. And Jeb sounds like a slightly more polished version of George W.
So in that context, maybe it’s better to think of Jeb as not a nice guy, that way we wouldn’t be disappointed.
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I am laughing down the inside of my thigh….thank you
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Ohhh, the liquid laughter…. 🙂
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Magic wand, magic marker – you work magic with either one.
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It’s actually magic MS Paint, but thank you.
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Totally brilliant post! Also I’m with Gibber- you should run for president! You’d have my vote (also my corporate sponsorship which would involve lots of chocolate brownies and dry ramen).
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Thanks you! I will certainly considering the idea (by which I mean I will hide the skeletons deeper in my closet). And could I count on you creating the graphic ads for the campaign?
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