Australian media mogul Rupert Murdoch, known as the owner of conservative TV channel Fox News, has just bought a 73% controlling stake in National Geographic. Due to the change of ownership to Fox, there will probably be a few minors changes with the National Geographic products, starting with a few brand new TV shows on the National Geographic Channel. Here are 10 of these new shows.
1) African Wildlife: The program will talk about amazing and endangered African animals like lions, rhinos, elephants, giraffes, and will educate viewers about the habits and behavior of these majestic creatures, and the most exciting ways to hunt and kill them.
2) Mythcrushers: This 100% original series will bust… I mean, crush, popular myths like global warming, vaccinations, and theory of gravity.
3) The Birthplace Of A President: The viewers of these series will learn many fascinating facts about the birthplaces of American presidents and their early lives. The first episode will feature the current president Barack Hussein Obama and his birthplace of Kenya.
4) Home Of The Brave: This series will talk about the modern American explorers – the American soldiers stationed on many overseas military bases. This show will feature one military base per episode and has already been picked up for 20 seasons with 40 episodes in each. The channel is currently in negotiations with the Pentagon about adding a few extra seasons.
5) Land of The Free: America has long been the beacon of freedom for the entire world. This show will highlight the history of America bringing freedom to many backward countries all over the world over their pathetic and futile stubbornness.
6) Nature’s Wrath: This show will spotlight natural catastrophes like tsunamis, earthquakes, and tornadoes, and will discuss the latest research into the question of which category of sinners God is punishing by each of these terrifying events.
7) Doomsday Preppers: This show about the people getting ready to survive in the the post-apocalyptic world will remain in the channel line up, but will refocus on the most likely threats that promise to turn the world into a barren wasteland – real threats like Obamacare or higher taxes on capital gains.
8) The New Ice Age: This investigative weekly program will dispel the myth of global warming by highlighting the dramatic drop of temperatures in the Arctic, and resulting rapid accumulation of ice and snow. The program will run from September to early February.
9) Battleground U.S.: This historical series will fairly and balancely chronicle the U.S. Civil War and its battlefields, and highlight the courageous and valiant resistance of brave Southerners against the invasion of marauding hordes of Yankee aggressors.
10) Earth On The Move: The viewers will learn about the movement of tectonic plates that had shaped the continents and oceans throughout the Earth’s history, all 6,000 years of it.
Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
LikeLike
Thank you for the reblog!
LikeLike
Anytime, always my pleasure.
LikeLike
Bwahahaha! This is a classic post X – without a doubt the wry-est I’ve seen yet and hilarious. I like #5 – Land of the free. We Canadians are still chuckling over Palestine earning concessions from the US by running a democratic election – and electing Hamas, a terrorist group. Bwahahaha! Democracy at its best.
\
I honestly didn’t realize that Murdoch had bought controlling shares of National Geographic. Sheesh. Oh and number 9 (as an aside – don’t take this the wrong way but 9 comes between 8 and 10 -just a heads up) – we Canadians have noticed this distinct cooling in the North – in fact we have had a much better handle on it now that we can sail from the Atlantic to the Pacific through the North/.. A very nice side effect of cooling temperatures. Bwahaha! Make the cold so much easier to measure – you don’t have to get off your ship. to go from Greenland to Siberia.
Well done X – a classic – it shall shine back on this day of publication as a milestone.
LikeLike
Thank you, Paul – I fixed the numbers, by the way, so that 9 is between 8 and 10 in accordance with the metric system rather than in the English unit system where 9 comes before 8. 🙂
We should have known that democracy isn’t such a great way of electing best leaders at least since that time we democratically elected George W. Bush twice.
As for Northern passage, if temperature rises enough, you might be able to sail through it year-round. And if temperature rises even more and enough ice melts, you might be able to sail from the Hudson Bay all the way through the Gulf of Mexico 🙂
LikeLike
Imagine the temperature measuring we could do then and how much colder it would seem (as opposed to sitting in an warm office in Ottawa and reading a remote temperature display). It will feel much colder on the deck of a ship in the Northwest passage – proving Murdoch’s statement..
LikeLike
And imagine if the ship had a deep freezer on board?
LikeLike
Delightful prospect for longtime readers/viewers of NG. They can finally connect with the real world.
LikeLike
Yep. If they’re thinking that the U.S. should invade some country, they probably should find out where approximately this country is.
LikeLike
Is there any truth to the rumor that NG’s infamous pics of topless tribal beauties will now be done “paparazzi style”?
LikeLike
I haven’t heard the rumor, but I assume these pics will now be in the premium section of the magazine, available for just a few extra $$.
LikeLike
I am on my knees trying to wipe up the laughter that ensued from this one, of course I am weeping while doing this. Gawd, the worst is I don’t know how much of this is satire and how much is you stole the line up and are simply publishing it for your readers. Well another station gone to hell, another off my favorites list.
Damn
LikeLike
Sulposedly, this is satire. I didn’t even check if National Geographic Channel is a part of the deal. Of course, it doesn’t mean that this list won’t turn out to be 100% accurate in a few years.
LikeLike
Thank God for Rupert Murdoch. Now I can stick my head in the sand and get all down to earth again.
LikeLike
Incidentally, that’s the proposal for the new Fox/NGC show about looking for oil and coal. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I was hoping you’d turn your Red Pen of Justice to this. Brilliant.
LikeLike
Unfortunately, Red Pen of Justice doesn’t worry Rupert Murdoch nearly as much as red ink of money loss. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
True, and as an Australian, I apologise for releasing him on the world.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I can’t really blame you for not wanting to keep him on the same continent.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a big continent, and we did have him contained down in Adelaide, housed inside a ring of churches. ASIO is not sure, but they suspect he burrowed his way through the earth and popped up in London
LikeLike
Funny, funny stuff! I wouldn’t be surprised if any of these ideas become reality, a la “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.”
LikeLike
They better not be stealing my ideas! 🙂
LikeLike
Very well done … and all are relevant and causing a chuckle. So good, tough to pick a fav.
LikeLike
Thank you! If you can’t pick, you could always get your TiVo to record all of them. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ah yes, I can see it now. And each show will be peppered by ads of an oompa-loompa-faced Trump proselytizing about his unlimited talents, with a few political ads by the other candidates thrown in at irregular and infrequent intervals to remind us they’re in the ring too.
LikeLike
Oh man, Donald Trump could easily fill his own channel – shows like The Wall, where Trump tries to get Mexico pay for the wall, Trump Your Hair, with latest hair care tips from the Donald, Insult Of The Day, where hosts judge and score Trump’s insults, The Golden Haired Bachelor – where Trump finds, marries, and divorces another wife in every episode, and so on.
LikeLike
“Trump Your Hair”—Ha, that’s a great title.
LikeLike
You is done outdid yoself… this is the best ever… worth waiting for… these should all be in a book.
LikeLike
And as usual, the book would have been better – and without the commercials.
LikeLike
maybe
LikeLike
I wouldn’t be surprised to see any of these shows – especially Doomsday Preppers – on Fox!
LikeLike
Then I got the good news for you, because you can already watch it on National Geographic channel, Mondays at 5am eastern time!
LikeLike
My god, I wish I could give you X likes for this one. There needs to be a “Love it” button. Every one of these is my favorite. I wonder if in #2 they’ll be showing us exactly why Earth is the center of the Universe, and why God made it that way.
LikeLike
Technically, if the Universe is infinite, Earth can be the center of it. 🙂 But it’s possible that one of the episodes will bust the myth that Earth is a sphere.
And thank you for your kind words…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh shit. I’ve been out of it for a while. He didn’t really, did he? You’re making this up. Please.
LikeLike
I am not making this up, unfortunately. (You can just click on the link in the post and confirm). I am not even making up some of these shows’ names.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh shit.
LikeLike
Just wait until he buys the Children’s Television Workshop. Bert and Ernie will be forced into a Godly marriage.
LikeLike
MarriageS — they won’t be able to get a license to marry each other!
LikeLike
I hope they do an episode on how the dinosaurs roamed the earth 6,000 years ago.
Accidentally read it as “…long been the bacon of freedom…” Yes, we are that, too. And damn proud of it.
LikeLike
And we’ve been pretty ham-handed with that freedom thing, too.
And I’m sure they’ll do shows about the dinosaurs, something like “When Dinosaurs Attack”.
LikeLike
Outstanding, X. The new face of NG, as The Donald might put it, is going to make a huuuuge impact on its readers and viewers, all 9,999 of them! (Jay Leno proved on “street walking” that this is about how many people know anything at all about geography.) 😦
LikeLike
Thank you! Maybe Murdoch will make Trump the new face of NG, because right now Trump seems to be the face of everything.
LikeLike
8 and 10 are surprisingly subtle for you. But I love them. If your 10 responses were children, they would be my favourite and the other 8 responses would be resentful and in therapy.
LikeLike
If I had 10 children, I would have probably ended up in therapy myself. But I’d still be happy that at least two are your favorites.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Pity. I was hoping he’d buy Food Network.
Hours devoted to the manliness of Rocky Mountain Oysters…
LikeLike
He already got the magazine, so he might buy the Food Network for lunch to eat while he reads.
LikeLike
lol these are awesome!! So brilliantly funny! I kind of want to watch show number two. But you know, ironically.. also I’d totally download it for free so as not to support them.
LikeLike
What no food channel?
LikeLike
I guess Murdoch wasn’t hungry.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Well I am..
LikeLike
Pingback: Facebook News with Alice: Selfies and Shark Attacks | aliceatwonderland
Finally, some programming I would like to watch!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’d probably watch these too, for about 10-15 minutes.
LikeLike
Now this was hilarious, or rather, it would be if I weren’t so worried that something very like these ideas might be on the drawing board.
LikeLike
Oh, but then if they really go forward with these ideas, I can actually stop them from happening by suing them for copyright infringement.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Great point! I wish someone had been able to do that when Fox News was still at the planning stage. Unfortunately, the underlying concept was already in the public domain. People have been lying through their teeth since the dawn of time.
LikeLike