New logo of National Geographic
Australian media mogul Rupert Murdoch, known as the owner of conservative TV channel Fox News, has just bought a 73% controlling stake in National Geographic. Due to the change of ownership to Fox, there will probably be a few minors changes with the National Geographic products, starting with a few brand new TV shows on the National Geographic Channel. Here are 10 of these new shows.
1) African Wildlife: The program will talk about amazing and endangered African animals like lions, rhinos, elephants, giraffes, and will educate viewers about the habits and behavior of these majestic creatures, and the most exciting ways to hunt and kill them.
2) Mythcrushers: This 100% original series will bust… I mean, crush, popular myths like global warming, vaccinations, and theory of gravity.
3) The Birthplace Of A President: The viewers of these series will learn many fascinating facts about the birthplaces of American presidents and their early lives. The first episode will feature the current president Barack Hussein Obama and his birthplace of Kenya.
4) Home Of The Brave: This series will talk about the modern American explorers – the American soldiers stationed on many overseas military bases. This show will feature one military base per episode and has already been picked up for 20 seasons with 40 episodes in each. The channel is currently in negotiations with the Pentagon about adding a few extra seasons.
5) Land of The Free: America has long been the beacon of freedom for the entire world. This show will highlight the history of America bringing freedom to many backward countries all over the world over their pathetic and futile stubbornness.
6) Nature’s Wrath: This show will spotlight natural catastrophes like tsunamis, earthquakes, and tornadoes, and will discuss the latest research into the question of which category of sinners God is punishing by each of these terrifying events.
7) Doomsday Preppers: This show about the people getting ready to survive in the the post-apocalyptic world will remain in the channel line up, but will refocus on the most likely threats that promise to turn the world into a barren wasteland – real threats like Obamacare or higher taxes on capital gains.
8) The New Ice Age: This investigative weekly program will dispel the myth of global warming by highlighting the dramatic drop of temperatures in the Arctic, and resulting rapid accumulation of ice and snow. The program will run from September to early February.
9) Battleground U.S.: This historical series will fairly and balancely chronicle the U.S. Civil War and its battlefields, and highlight the courageous and valiant resistance of brave Southerners against the invasion of marauding hordes of Yankee aggressors.
10) Earth On The Move: The viewers will learn about the movement of tectonic plates that had shaped the continents and oceans throughout the Earth’s history, all 6,000 years of it.
List of X 
Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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Anytime, always my pleasure.
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Bwahahaha! This is a classic post X – without a doubt the wry-est I’ve seen yet and hilarious. I like #5 – Land of the free. We Canadians are still chuckling over Palestine earning concessions from the US by running a democratic election – and electing Hamas, a terrorist group. Bwahahaha! Democracy at its best.
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I honestly didn’t realize that Murdoch had bought controlling shares of National Geographic. Sheesh. Oh and number 9 (as an aside – don’t take this the wrong way but 9 comes between 8 and 10 -just a heads up) – we Canadians have noticed this distinct cooling in the North – in fact we have had a much better handle on it now that we can sail from the Atlantic to the Pacific through the North/.. A very nice side effect of cooling temperatures. Bwahaha! Make the cold so much easier to measure – you don’t have to get off your ship. to go from Greenland to Siberia.
Well done X – a classic – it shall shine back on this day of publication as a milestone.
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Thank you, Paul – I fixed the numbers, by the way, so that 9 is between 8 and 10 in accordance with the metric system rather than in the English unit system where 9 comes before 8. 🙂
We should have known that democracy isn’t such a great way of electing best leaders at least since that time we democratically elected George W. Bush twice.
As for Northern passage, if temperature rises enough, you might be able to sail through it year-round. And if temperature rises even more and enough ice melts, you might be able to sail from the Hudson Bay all the way through the Gulf of Mexico 🙂
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Imagine the temperature measuring we could do then and how much colder it would seem (as opposed to sitting in an warm office in Ottawa and reading a remote temperature display). It will feel much colder on the deck of a ship in the Northwest passage – proving Murdoch’s statement..
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And imagine if the ship had a deep freezer on board?
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Delightful prospect for longtime readers/viewers of NG. They can finally connect with the real world.
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Yep. If they’re thinking that the U.S. should invade some country, they probably should find out where approximately this country is.
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Is there any truth to the rumor that NG’s infamous pics of topless tribal beauties will now be done “paparazzi style”?
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I haven’t heard the rumor, but I assume these pics will now be in the premium section of the magazine, available for just a few extra $$.
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I am on my knees trying to wipe up the laughter that ensued from this one, of course I am weeping while doing this. Gawd, the worst is I don’t know how much of this is satire and how much is you stole the line up and are simply publishing it for your readers. Well another station gone to hell, another off my favorites list.
Damn
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Sulposedly, this is satire. I didn’t even check if National Geographic Channel is a part of the deal. Of course, it doesn’t mean that this list won’t turn out to be 100% accurate in a few years.
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Thank God for Rupert Murdoch. Now I can stick my head in the sand and get all down to earth again.
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Incidentally, that’s the proposal for the new Fox/NGC show about looking for oil and coal. 🙂
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I was hoping you’d turn your Red Pen of Justice to this. Brilliant.
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Unfortunately, Red Pen of Justice doesn’t worry Rupert Murdoch nearly as much as red ink of money loss. 🙂
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True, and as an Australian, I apologise for releasing him on the world.
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I can’t really blame you for not wanting to keep him on the same continent.
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It’s a big continent, and we did have him contained down in Adelaide, housed inside a ring of churches. ASIO is not sure, but they suspect he burrowed his way through the earth and popped up in London
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Funny, funny stuff! I wouldn’t be surprised if any of these ideas become reality, a la “Sarah Palin’s Alaska.”
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They better not be stealing my ideas! 🙂
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Very well done … and all are relevant and causing a chuckle. So good, tough to pick a fav.
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Thank you! If you can’t pick, you could always get your TiVo to record all of them. 🙂
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Ah yes, I can see it now. And each show will be peppered by ads of an oompa-loompa-faced Trump proselytizing about his unlimited talents, with a few political ads by the other candidates thrown in at irregular and infrequent intervals to remind us they’re in the ring too.
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Oh man, Donald Trump could easily fill his own channel – shows like The Wall, where Trump tries to get Mexico pay for the wall, Trump Your Hair, with latest hair care tips from the Donald, Insult Of The Day, where hosts judge and score Trump’s insults, The Golden Haired Bachelor – where Trump finds, marries, and divorces another wife in every episode, and so on.
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“Trump Your Hair”—Ha, that’s a great title.
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You is done outdid yoself… this is the best ever… worth waiting for… these should all be in a book.
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And as usual, the book would have been better – and without the commercials.
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maybe
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I wouldn’t be surprised to see any of these shows – especially Doomsday Preppers – on Fox!
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Then I got the good news for you, because you can already watch it on National Geographic channel, Mondays at 5am eastern time!
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My god, I wish I could give you X likes for this one. There needs to be a “Love it” button. Every one of these is my favorite. I wonder if in #2 they’ll be showing us exactly why Earth is the center of the Universe, and why God made it that way.
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Technically, if the Universe is infinite, Earth can be the center of it. 🙂 But it’s possible that one of the episodes will bust the myth that Earth is a sphere.
And thank you for your kind words…
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Oh shit. I’ve been out of it for a while. He didn’t really, did he? You’re making this up. Please.
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I am not making this up, unfortunately. (You can just click on the link in the post and confirm). I am not even making up some of these shows’ names.
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Oh shit.
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Just wait until he buys the Children’s Television Workshop. Bert and Ernie will be forced into a Godly marriage.
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MarriageS — they won’t be able to get a license to marry each other!
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I hope they do an episode on how the dinosaurs roamed the earth 6,000 years ago.
Accidentally read it as “…long been the bacon of freedom…” Yes, we are that, too. And damn proud of it.
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And we’ve been pretty ham-handed with that freedom thing, too.
And I’m sure they’ll do shows about the dinosaurs, something like “When Dinosaurs Attack”.
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Outstanding, X. The new face of NG, as The Donald might put it, is going to make a huuuuge impact on its readers and viewers, all 9,999 of them! (Jay Leno proved on “street walking” that this is about how many people know anything at all about geography.) 😦
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Thank you! Maybe Murdoch will make Trump the new face of NG, because right now Trump seems to be the face of everything.
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8 and 10 are surprisingly subtle for you. But I love them. If your 10 responses were children, they would be my favourite and the other 8 responses would be resentful and in therapy.
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If I had 10 children, I would have probably ended up in therapy myself. But I’d still be happy that at least two are your favorites.
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Pity. I was hoping he’d buy Food Network.
Hours devoted to the manliness of Rocky Mountain Oysters…
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He already got the magazine, so he might buy the Food Network for lunch to eat while he reads.
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lol these are awesome!! So brilliantly funny! I kind of want to watch show number two. But you know, ironically.. also I’d totally download it for free so as not to support them.
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What no food channel?
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I guess Murdoch wasn’t hungry.
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Well I am..
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Finally, some programming I would like to watch!
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I’d probably watch these too, for about 10-15 minutes.
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Now this was hilarious, or rather, it would be if I weren’t so worried that something very like these ideas might be on the drawing board.
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Oh, but then if they really go forward with these ideas, I can actually stop them from happening by suing them for copyright infringement.
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Great point! I wish someone had been able to do that when Fox News was still at the planning stage. Unfortunately, the underlying concept was already in the public domain. People have been lying through their teeth since the dawn of time.
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