“I will make America great again even if I first have to bankrupt it and make it awful!”
Image source: BusinessInsider
This week Democratic Party had its first primary debate, and a lot of attention has been given to the endless discussions whether Hillary Clinton won the debate, or whether Bernie Sanders did, or who exactly were those other three people on the debate stage. In fact, the mainstream media has been so distracted by the Democratic debate that it seems to have lost its focus and forgot what this election is really about – and what this election is really about is Donald Trump. At least, according to the opinion of Donald Trump, who is currently the only candidate in any party qualified to be president – again, according to the opinion of Donald Trump. So, here are 10 reasons why Donald Trump will be the best president ever.
1) Donald Trump’s experience in hosting a reality show for 14 years gives Donald Trump a strong grasp of reality.
2) Donald Trump has declared bankruptcy several times and emerged even richer each time. With 18 Trillion dollars in debt and barely any hope of ever paying all back, the country needs someone like Trump to wipe out the debt through bankruptcy, spin off a few under-performing states, and become even stronger.
3) Donald Trump’s experience with Miss America pageant proves that he is able to make tough decisions and select the most qualified candidates to represent America on the international stage.
4) Having married and divorced several foreign-born wives, Donald Trump had first-hand experienced the pain of hard-working Americans having to financially support immigrant moochers, which was only slightly mitigated by the prenuptial agreements.
5) Donald Trump is a top-rate negotiator, who can and will negotiate with anyone – Iranians, terrorists, mafia. He may even break long-standing congressional policy on never negotiating with the Democrats.
6) Donald Trump is very, very rich, and if the country ever ran into any financial trouble, he could easily spot the country a few hundred bucks.
7) Donald Trump knows how to market real estate better than anyone, and can finally make the White House profitable.
8) According to Donald Trump, Donald Trump “will be phenomenal to women”. Women to whom Donald Trump will be phenomenal will be rigorously selected for their looks and willingness to sign a nondisclosure agreement.
9) Donald Trump will tell it like it is, which will save government agencies the trouble of maintaining and safeguarding any classified documents.
10) Donald Trump is the best possible job creator and will create tens of millions on just his Inauguration day. Because who can possibly be better at creating jobs than a guy whose catchphrase is “You’re fired!”?
List of X 
Just can’t Trump this post…
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Only real Donald Trump can trump this post.
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You know, this idea has trumped all others: “wipe out the debt through bankruptcy, spin off a few under-performing states” — can I please help choose the ones we weed out?
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We can weed out all those states that get more back in federal benefits than they pay in taxes. Most of them don’t like federal benefits anyway.
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Yes! It’s hard to choose which goes first. Alabama? Mississippi? Texas? Oh don’t make me choose!
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Hey…stop with Texas. Really just stop. I know we have issues but come on, you would lose me in the process and I know you love me.
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I DO love you. But Texas? It is a quandary. My niece and her husband and their daughter live there as does one of my best friends. So including you, it would be a difficult sacrifice.
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I bet just like me they are working to change Texas. Did you know Dallas, San Antonio and Austin are all Blue? Yes, it is true. The cities are turning, it is those country towns, tornado magnets and other strange places that keep us from fixing what is broken.
I promise you though, we aren’t all crazy here in Tejas.
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I didn’t know Dallas was blue. That is hopeful!
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They should read List of X. That would cheer em up……
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To be fair, they only don’t like the federal benefits that other states are getting.
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No you can’t, because you’re not Donald Trump. 🙂
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Shit. Thanks a lot. V
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You have the gift
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But not both the gift and the hair, like Donald Trump.
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Donald Trump promises that his ideas will, uh, trump those of anyone else’s. So, I just can’t wait to see what he proposes that will be bigger than Newt Gingrich’s plan to colonize the moon. Only in America.
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Well, since Donald Trump can’t be trumped by Gingrich, Trump could promise that he’ll make the moon pay for its colonization.
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And, of course, because of his hair. That hair has congressional powers all on its own.
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I’m sure his hair also has Avatar-like power to connect to the brains of all living creatures and bend them to his will.
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Yikes, that’s a terrifying thought.
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He’s also very, very good at real estate. So instead of building a wall on our southern border, he may just buy Mexico, and of course, make the Mexicans pay for it.
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If Donald Trump is elected president, Mexico just might build the wall at their expense just to isolate themselves from us.
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And all the children will be asking their parents if they can be Trump for Halloween!! You will see trick or treaters coming to your door with dead animals on their heads and butthole lips!! They won’t say trick or treat but instead they will say… “You’re ugly… and stupid…. and since God gave me a good brain… you need to give me ALL that candy right now because I’m smart!!” I bet Trump will be passing out tampons to all the trick or treaters that come to his door… Too Far??… 😉
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I bet Trump will just be yelling at trick-or-treaters that they should just get a job.
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hahahaha Very true!!
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Well, you knew I was going to love this one… wait… can we really sell off a few underachieving states??? Because that might not be a bad thing…
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No, unfortunately, we can’t – no one is going to be interested in buying a state like Alabama.
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Putin might
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I don’t think he can, though. We have sanctions against Russia, which probably make it illegal to sell any of the US states to them.
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And shipping it over there would be a problem…
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Yeah, it will probably get stuck in the bottleneck between Cuba and Florida, or, at the very least, will get scratched by Key West. Which will really hurt Alabama’s re-sale value.
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And one good storm could flood all the swamps…
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Then this may be a good investment for California to buy. I am sure you could use all of that extra water.
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now you are talking… but can we order it without the people? Hold the people… please…
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Don’t worry, as soon as they hear that they have been taken over by liberal California, they will clear out themselves – at least the type of people you don’t want.
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good enough
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never thought I’d say this, but there are at least 3 GOP candidates that I would vote Trump over….ewwww, that makes my skin crawl…but Cruz, Huck, and Carson are even worse …
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Then the good news is that in the general election, there will be at least one Democrat, and you won’t have to pick any GOP candidates. 🙂
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If Mr. Trump would have liquidated his wealth in the late 1970’s and had invested in index funds and just let it ride, he would have four times the wealth he has now. So, this level of ineptitude demands a government position and why not start at President? It isn’t as if there is a political Mail Room to start from.
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But this just means that Donald Trump spent 40 years redistributing his potential wealth to those less fortunate (or, possibly, those more fortunate).
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I’m sold. How do I order one?
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You don’t need to do anything. You can just wait until he gets elected and then engineers a hostile takeover of Canada.
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Well, I was going to vote for Hills, but you just convinced me to vote for The Donald. It’s refreshing not having to care about real issues anymore. I just want to talk about hair.
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Why do we have care about the issues, anyone? Isn’t it what we elect presidents for?
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lol this is brilliant!
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Thank you! I assume The Donald can count on your vote now? 🙂
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Oh of course! The Donald is just so… inspiring! 🌋
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I can’t wait for the next debate. Don’t you love having him in the race? Seriously. I sure do! He keeps things light. I’ll be sad when he finally implodes. Then it’s back to boring issues and policies. Yuck. I think they should hold a separate debate: Trump v. Sanders. I smell ratings.
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Oh, I love having him in the election. He’s entertaining, and he hurts the Republicans probably more than he helps. But I wouldn’t worry about being overwhelmed by the issues should he drop out, because the rest of the field isn’t really burdening themselves with the issues other than “More guns, God, and tax cuts; less gays, immigrants, and regulations”.
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What a relief. Thanks for your comforting words. As always.
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LOL #2 offers truth. Number six is great, but I worry about the interest. And number ten is one of your very best, X. 😀
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Thank you. Yes, number 10 definitely makes this top 10 list.
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LOL
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Do you think he will have to show both his education records and the birth certificates of his children? Want to make certain you know, can’t have any ‘anchor’ babies running about in the White House.
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No, only Democrats have to meet strict constitutional requirements yo become president. For Republicans, the Constitution is more like a recommendation.
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Makes perfect sense to me – you nailed it! Thanks for clearing that up in my mind 🙂
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You’re welcome! America deserves to know how much it would be missing when it doesn’t elect Trump in 2016.
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I came back to see why you hadn’t replied to my fantastically pithy comment about wanting more jokes about Hilary’s pantsuits, and I don’t see it anywhere. Was it removed for editorial purposes? Yet another victim of my cursed “smart” phone?
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I am pretty sure I did not remove any of your comments (and I never remove any non-spam comments in general). I went into my spam folder, and unless you were trying to sell me magnificently authentical Michael Kors bags to go with Hillary’s pantsuit, your comment wasn’t there, either. I don’t know if the fault lies with my blog, or WordPress, or your smartphone, or some secret hacker organization working for Hillary Clinton. All I know is that if you elect Donald Trump as president, your blog comments will never disappear again.
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I’ve had that happen so often recently pegoleg, that I have taken to copying my pithy comments and then rereading them after submission to make sure they registered. If not, then I resubmit and keep doing that until one sticks. 😀
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I’m almost positive it’s my stupid phone. Or my gigantic fingers trying to type something worthwhile on its tiny screen. That’s the only internet I have at home and I’m lost without my big computer keyboard.
Although the secret Hilary Clinton hacker organization is a theory with definite merit.
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Alright. I’m sold. Trump has my vote. On to the next quandary!
Thank you so very much X!!! You are ever-so-helpful!! 🙂
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Always happy to help.
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Love love love this post – hahaha!
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Thank you! Donald Trump just wouldn’t understand if you felt any differently. 🙂
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