The latest offensive outfit, worn by one of the many offsprings of the Kardashian clan.
It’s hard to say what’s more offensive: whether it’s the fact that the outfit was called an “Eskimo”, or whether in Eskimo language this would even be called an “outfit”, or whether it’s the fact that a Kardashian is wearing it.
There are many well-known traditions associated with Halloween – carving pumpkins, decorating houses, trick-or-treating, and wearing costumes to Halloween parties. Most of those traditional activities take place on or before Halloween, but there is a relatively recent traditional Halloween activity that takes place immediately after Halloween, namely, looking at the photos of people wearing Halloween costumes and getting outraged about this or that disgraceful Halloween costume being offensive for this or that legitimate reason. Since there are so many different Halloween costumes that can be offensive, here is a list of 10 especially offensive costumes that you should never wear again, and must immediately burn in a fire (started with fair trade organic firewood, of course).
1) Princess costume: This pretentious costume perpetuates the sham of wealth inequality and absolutist trampling of human rights.
2) Any costume involving “blackface” (painting the face black to look like African American): This applies to “blackfacing” even a part of a face, such as applying mascara, dark eye shadow or black lipstick.
3) A costume of any superhero: Unquestionably, any superhero costume is demeaning to regular cowards.
4) Ghost or Zombie costume: These costumes promote objectification of dead people. Dead people are people, too, and should never be seen as objects.
5) Cowboy costume: This costume glorifies the murder of Native Americans and destruction of Native American culture, and therefore offensive to Native Americans – as opposed to the Native American costume which is offensive to Native Americans because it mocks the Native American culture. I realize this is confusing, but according to the modern standards of cultural tolerance it is inconceivable that anyone could possibly want to glorify the Native American culture.
6) Peanuts character costume: Offensive to any person with allergies.
7) Pirate costume: Since today’s piracy is a big problem off the coast of Africa, a pirate costume is obviously racist.
8) Luke Skywalker costume: This costume sets unrealistic expectation in boys and teaches them that all problems can be solved by using the force.
9) Elf, Hobbit, Dwarf, or any other Lord of The Rings-related costume: These reprehensible costumes celebrate the genocide against the Orcs and the near complete eradication of the Orc culture.
10) Red Riding Hood: This costume manages to be insensitive at once to color-blind people, wolf enthusiasts, vegetarians, and people with gluten intolerance.
Feel free to add more offensive costumes to the list, or, if you don’t know why a certain outfit is offensive, ask me and I will try to explain.
List of X 
Number nine breaks my heart. Just kidding! It’s made of Mithril.
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Mithril? That’s very practical, if you’re lucky to afford it.
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I have friends in high (very short) places.
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Hmm, dwarf friends… Your real name isn’t Snow Whit, is it? 🙂
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Actually, I got it from my Hobbit friend who got it from his Dwarf friends.
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Do you see any Orcs in the neighbourhood today? Or in any neighbourhood?
No.
I rest my case.
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I’m sure that there were a few people dressed as Orcs.
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I despise clowns so I think they should be added to #1 as demeaning the poor.
Awesome list X.
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demaning the poor? I’m just plain scared of them 🙂
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Don’t you mean “offended”? 🙂 Because coulrophobia (fear of clowns – and yes, it is a thing) is a serious condition and it is not a laughing matter. Well, to clowns, it is.
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I think that clown costume is offensive to people who are humor challenged. (Although, to be fair, most costumes could be offensive to these people).
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I dislike any costume that covers the face so the person can’t be identified – unless it is required for safety or religious reasons. On top of that I am not really frightened of clowns per se – they make me angry. Clowns were originally designed to mock ignorance and poverty. “The English word clown is first recorded c. 1560 (as clowne, cloyne) in the generic meaning “rustic, boor, peasant”.” – Wiki. It has only been recently that they became agents of humor – even so they specialize in making fools of themselves with slapstick- in essence mocking the ignorant.
Sorry, didn’t mean to rant there – great post X.
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I think that on Halloween, covering the face should be allowed even without religious or safety reasons. But you could wear a costume of a Muslim beekeeper, too, I guess. 🙂
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As always, a great list … and I will never again consider dressing as Mr. Peanut, which is also offensive to males with small one-eyed monks. Can you believe there’s also a Mr. Softie?
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I have never heard of this Mr. Softie, but I am pretty sure it’s yet another grossly offensive costume, almost as much as Mr. Peanut.
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It goes without saying that a Mr. Softie costume would be offensive to men with erectile dysfunction, particularly those who are pale complected or albino, since he is creamy white. Hold the sprinkles.
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After spending many, many years dealing with throngs of trick-or-treating princesses, I was so happy this year to not see a single one. No Frozen Elsa’s in sight. Best Halloween of my life.
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They must have all come to my house. Lots of fairies and princesses here.
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Maybe there is some sort of ongoing territorial battle between fairies/princesses, superheroes, witches, and vampires….
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Hmmm, neither did i… Did you also locked the doors, turned off the lights, and hid inside like I did?
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I was not a good costume planner as a child, and as such, I often resorted to the last minute choice of going out as a bum. In retrospect, I was being insensitive to the hobo community, riders of rails and Emmett Kelly.
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A bum costume is basically what I wear all year. And I never take trains. And I don’t know who Emmett Kelly is – so I must be offending the hobo community all year round.
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Emmett Kelly was a circus clown who popularized the Weary Willie character, based on the Depression era hobo. We often went out dressed as bums because all we had to do was smear some dirt on our faces and tie a hankerchief to the end of a stick.
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Yes, I can see how this would be an easy costume to make. Possibly just as easy as a ghost costume, which required only a clean white bed sheet. Of course, if you had a bed sheet that wasn’t clean or white, you could go as a hobo ghost.
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We did the hobo costume as well when I was a kid. I’m so ashamed.
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I think the hobo costume had died off when people started confusing kids wearing hobo costumes for hipsters.
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Randy Quaid was probably hurt by your shelter-challenged professional newcomer costume.
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As long as Dennis Quaid wasn’t upset too.
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The actor we really don’t want to get upset is Gary Busey.
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He’s probably just acting.
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Want to have a unique costume next year? How about dressing up as Ward Cleaver? 🙄
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I’d be Mrs Cleaver, but wouldn’t be able to walk very far in those high heels she always wore – even while vacuuming!
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I am afraid this isn’t a very identifiable costume, unless you also carry a beaver pelt. 🙂
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My daughter was a broken doll with a crack in her face. Please tell me who we may have offended.
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Oh, where do I start… it’s offensive to women because the doll sets unrealistic expectations of beauty, broken face may be understood as glorification of domestic violence, and there’s crack use epidemic ravaging our country. See how easy this is?
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I am ashamed of my insensitivity!
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I’m glad I could help open your eyes.
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dude… this is so awesome… it is the most tongue in cheek damning of our politically correct culture ever… and besides, that peanut allergy one actually made me lol… dang it…
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The peanut allergy is not a laughing matter. This is why I avoid the Peanuts comics.
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no sense taking any chances…
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Those poor kids who dress up as ghosts by throwing a sheet over their head and cutting out eye holes are offensive. They look too much like they’re throwing a KKK rally.
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I am sure that KKK finds these ghost costumes very offensive.
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Dressing up as the opposite sex I’m sure could be seen as offensive to many.
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To both sexes, to be sure. Besides, doesn’t calling another gender “opposite” sex promote distrust and enmity between the genders?
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Ha. I just may be almost confused..
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Then my work is almost done. 🙂
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You’re check is in the mail.
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Almost in the mail, you mean? 🙂
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Maybe
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Way to go, X. Bring up my most horrible Halloween experience, ever. Left me scarred for life. Or scared. One of the two.
I dressed up when I was 4 as the most beautiful princess ever. Then I promptly fell face first into a mud puddle. I have been beauty challenged ever since.
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Wow, that must have been a very traumatic experience – I don’t think I could recall anything in my life from that age. In fact, I only seem to have any kind of memories of maybe three or four Halloweens in my entire life. 🙂
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It ended up just fine, I was harassing you.
It happened I front of a convent down the street. My siblings left me there in front of a lovely roaring fireplace with a bunch of nice nuns. My mom made them share their candy.
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Maybe this was the event that made your brother realize that he really doesn’t feel like sharing the candy that he earned with those less fortunate and turned him into Republican?…
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No. That brother wasn’t involved in this incident.
This one involved my truly wonderful brother. He had lapses in wonderful mess though. Because two years later when our family moved on Halloween into an old run down house, my entire bag of candy from a huge haul disappeared. Fred blamed the ghost and generously shared his. Of course Fred was the ghost. He is however a staunch democrat and I forgive him anything!
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Well, I suppose in this vein, no one should wear a Donald Trump mask. It’s offensive to Oompa Loompas and the hair-follicle-challenged.
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There’s also a good chance this person would get sued by Donald Trump for infringing on his face.
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This might be your best list ever.
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You’re not just saying it because I gave you a way to avoid buying or making any new Halloween costumes for all your kids, are you? 🙂 but thank you anyway.
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Well, now that you mention it…
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11) Office Drone: Insulting me and just about everyone I know, have ever known or ever will know. A painful reminder of life’s unfulfilled dreams and diminished hopes.
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As insulting as the Office Drone costume is, I’m still going to wear it, because it’s the only costume trick-or-treating in which results in cold hard cash all year round.
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Pirate costumes are racist? Mascara counts as blacking up? Oh man, we need to reset the moral compass in our house!!
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I don’t think you need to reset the compass, you can just change all marking on the round scale to “Offensive”.
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Over the past few years I have noticed the alarming Hallowe’en trend of more and more children dressing up as children who are dressing up as someone/something else. Aren’t parents instilling a sense of pride in oneself in their children anymore? Instead of candies this year I handed out vouchers so the kids can get “Be unique! Be yourself!” applied using a new tattoo stenciling technique… just trying to get the message out there.
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Yeah, what better way to express your individuality than with a same exact tattoo as millions other kids have. Although, if that were, say, a four year old with this tattoo, that would be pretty unique.
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You have effectively eliminated and made bankrupt any and all businesses producing or selling any kind of Halloween costume!
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I hope your corporate life isn’t in one of those businesses, then. 🙂
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What’s the deal with all the offensive costumes nowadays? When I was a kid everybody wore a printed, nylons smock that tied in the back, and a plastic face mask that was held smack against your face with a too-tight elastic band. The tiny eye and nose holes and tight mask meant you were light-headed from lack of oxygen, blinded by sweat and couldn’t see to walk, let alone figure out what anybody else was wearing, so nobody got offended.
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Exactly – we were too busy trying to survive to get offended. And even if we did, lack of internet usually prevented our outrage from reaching anyone else.
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ahahaha!!! your lists are so awesome!! Imagine the bloodshed if someone dressed as Charlie Brown walked into an allergy convention…
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I assume that anyone dumb enough to do that would be immediately stabbed with EpiPens.
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This was funnier than ever. Politics aside, I insulted everyone at a party a few years ago half the couples came as Jessica Simpson and her then date mate some Dallas Cowboy. I just laughed and laughed (they lived in the neighborhood). I said they wouldn’t last and she would move on. She did.
I want someone sometime to go as a brick (her) and a bricklayer (him). No one has taken me up on it yet.
Me? I always go as myself, but nicer.
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Wow, that is a lot of offensive stuff there! I wonder if I can now write my post about wanting to change my species to cat without offending transgender people or cats. I just want to be a cat is all. They get to sleep all the time and the rich ones inherit lots of wealth. I’d just want a few accommodations at the workplace like litterboxes in the restroom, no people food in the fridge, and plenty of nap time. Is that so wrong? By the way my costume this year was librarian. I think I offended a lot of non-readers.
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I don’t you have insulted non-readers, most of them don’t even know what a librarian is. But as a cat, why would you even need to work? You just need to find a rich owner who is about to die, and pretend to be nice to him.
Maybe you can convince the doctors doing your surgery to make a few extra modifications…
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