“My health care reform will be so great it will make your head spin, and then it will heal your head right away because my plan is just so unbelievably great!”
This week, the leading Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump finally revealed his plan for health care reform, and it is fantastic. It would repeal Obamacare right away, and will replace it with health care that would be so great, it’s unbelievable just how great it would be. Here are just 10 of the great things Donald Trump’s health care reform would accomplish.
1) Foreign viruses, like Ebola, Zika, West Nile, Dengue, socialism – we’ll round them all up and send them back where they came from! And then we’ll build a big and beautiful mosquito net all around the country so that they can’t ever come back!
2) Donald Trump built so many unbelievable casinos that he knows how to manage risk better than anyone! And under Donald Trump’s health care plan, you would bet like a hundred dollars, and if you win, your procedure will be instantly covered! Because here in America, we only want the winners!
3) Americans will not have to worry about having to choose between sickness or bankruptcy. You won’t have to worry about bankruptcies anyway, because they’re terrific! Donald Trump has had at least four bankruptcies, and he’s now richer and healthier than anyone!
4) Donald Trump wants to make America strong, and he’ll give you more steroids than you could carry!
5) With Donald Trump’s health care plan, no one will ever die in the streets! If anyone’s dying in the street, we’ll come and move them to the sidewalk!
6) There’ll be Viagra for everyone! For everyone except Donald Trump, naturally, because Donald Trump is extremely virile and doesn’t ever need Viagra! He’ll only take Viagra because he wouldn’t want all the other pathetic losers feel bad. But definitely NOT because Donald Trump needs Viagra!
7) Donald Trump’s health care plan will even cover hair transplants and penis enlargements. It’ll be yuuuuge!
8) But Donald Trump’s health care would be terrific for women, too! Any medical procedure women might need would be covered – breast implants, botox, liposuction, plastic surgery, you name it – all covered!
9) Another fantastic thing is, you could buy insurance across state lines! In fact, you will be able to do anything health-related across state lines. You could go see a doctor across state lines, buy a bottle of Tylenol across state lines, and if you have to drive to get an abortion, that’ll definitely be across a few state lines!
10) Pre-existing conditions won’t be covered, because if you got them while Obama was president, they’re Obama’s fault anyway.
And because Donald Trump’s health care plan is so terrific, here’s the best part: when in about 40 years Donald Trump’s health care plan will get old and ugly, Donald Trump will repeal it and replace it with an even younger and more tremendous health care plan!
List of X 
Yep,sounds like a dandy Plan. What about Mitt Romney though? Will he still have to get down on his hands and knees as Trump said he will have to? And if so will he need any special vaccinations for putting his mouth there? Are those vaccinations covered by Trump’s health care plan? So many questions X. Because of this fine plan I’m going to suggest to Immigration Canada that they double up on the number of servers quickly. You know how it is people will be wanting to know if Canada’s health care system will be bolstered to match Trump’s. We could see a flood of Canadians applying for immigration to the US. It could be all over for us as a country as our citizens rush to enter the States so they can worship at his feet – leaving our cities empty.
THUNK!
Scramble, Scramble, Scramble!
Puff, puff, Sorry I couldn’t help myself. I may need Trump’s health care sooner than I thought – I just laughed so hard while writing this that I couldn’t catch my breath, I lost consciousness and fell out of my chair. Wait, wait, it’s happening again! You have to help!
THUNK!
BWAHAHAHA! SNORT! BWAHAHAHA! COUGH< COUGH! BWAHAHAHA! SNORT!
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I’m pretty sure vaccinations will not be covered. Donald Trump did an extensive study of vaccinations on Twitter and apparently vaccinations cause autism and socialism. So no.
Mitt Romney won’t be covered either. Everyone knows he’s the one who invented Obamacare, so when Donald Trump repeals Obamacare, he’ll repeal Mitt Romney, too.
If you’re laughing too hard and this is a concern for you, there is a foolproof method to stop the laughter. All you have to do is imagine Donald Trump as the president of both Canada and the U.S.
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Naw, we have the SOCIALIST virus and he’d be afraid to catch it Ha! Nasty virus – makes the sufferer kind and compassionate and desiring health care and minimum levels of food and shelter for all. Could be harmful – especially the rare strain Chompus Trumpus which attacks only those named Trump and eats away at them until they are screaming with kindness. Our gene labs developed that one.
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Well, there are actually multiple strains of the socialism virus. There are some benign ones like Canadian or Danish one, and there are some nasty ones like Russian or North Korean ones.
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As an aside X, Blog Woman!!! posted Part 1 of a two part series of mine this morning at http://blog-woman.com/2016/03/07/with-a-little-help-from-my-friends-guest-post-paul-curran-the-invisibles-part-1/#comment-9077 if you have the time and desire, I would be honored if you dropped by for a read. Thank you.
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Reblogged this on The Militant Negro™.
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Thank you for the reblog!
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My pleasure.
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This actually reads like a Trump press release 🙂
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What do you mean, “like a press release”? It is the press release, it just hasn’t been released yet.
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LOL
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You really nailed this one, X. You just forgot to mention that the giant mosquito net around our country will be paid for by the United Nations.
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Oh yes, I completely forgot about that. It wouldn’t be fair to make Mexico to pay for it, because the net would protect us from all the countries.
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I almost fell out of my chair laughing when reading number 5. All of it sounds just like him.
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Well, he did try to kick some disabled veterans from the sidewalk in front of his building.
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The future’s so bright with Trump, I gotta wear shades. Shades strong enough to block out the horrors.
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You mean, you’ll need a blindfold? 🙂 Just don’t wear it when you vote in November, then who knows, maybe you’re not going to need it.
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Yes, I’m still hanging on hope for that.
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Nah, she’ll need Gravol to keep from hurling on Election Day.
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This is the most super duper and awesomely terrific post ever in the history of mankind. I’m serious.
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Anything related to Donald Trump is by definition the most awesomely super duper in the history of the Universe.
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He is great, you know, really great. Cause he knows words, lots of words.
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And in case you forgot, he’s really, really rich.
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And it all started with a small loan of a million dollars.
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Wow … this may be your best one yet … and I’m speechless.
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It’s a good thing that Donald Trump’s health care reform can help you with any speech difficulties, too!
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I’m sold on the plan!
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Hey, I know people who going to vote for DT because they say “you gotta break it down before you can build it back up.” Honestly, I am getting the DTs just thinking about a Trump presidency.
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I wonder if those people say “you gotta break it down before you can build it back up” when they take their car for minor repairs.
Also, I am sure they don’t realize that this quote is a close paraphrase of a part of a USSR anthem… 🙂
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It looks like everyone’s going to be covered by Trumpcare. Covered with medical bills, that is. But no worry. Those bills will be great!
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Those bills will be the most beautiful medical bills in the history of health care!
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HILARIOUS! …but probably something he said. SCARY!
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“Hilarious” and “scary” probably apply to 90% of what Trump says.
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You make some good points. Sick people are obviously losers… or they would be able to win against the disease… so why are we spending good money to help losers stay alive? That is just crazy talk.
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Yeah, we should take all the sick people and send them back to Mek-sick-o.
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ba-dum-dum…
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wow… I channeled my inner Trump, and I threw up in my mouth a little… is that covered?
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Good manners dictate that your mouth should be covered.
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that holds true most of the time…
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Rarely for Donald Trump, though.
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right
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oh, and the most ironic part of Trump speaking about health care is that he makes most people sick… so…
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Which is yet another reason why we heed his unbelievably great health care reform so urgently!
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yes, we heed it so urgently! wait… are you a spam bot???
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My cousin brother has urgently recommend to look my attention to this fastidious comment. In my four days of browsing, I am overjoyed to read as well-stated comment as this. Will you be writing more on the subject?
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I can find no articel more compository than the perfunctory specimenifications of such matigulous good qualificusioning of spasmodic representationalizm expressingly regurgitating prophalcticly induced climate change senarios
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And the best thing about President Drumpf’s healthcare plan is that he will get Canada to pay for it!
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Exactly! The idea is that Americans would move to Canada and will be covered by the universal health insurance plan which is paid for by Canada.
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Totally makes sense to me!
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And totally realistic, too.
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Reblogged this on Still Skeptical After All These Years and commented:
My blogging friend, List of X, has outdone himself with this one:
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Great, amazing, terrific, wonderful plan …. from the donald!! Not …
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Thank you for the reblog!
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You are most welcome ..
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Isn’t there just a teeny, tiny little piece of your humor-loving heart that hopes he goes all the way? Imagine the press conferences and state dinners! People being thrown out left and right. It’s surreal to think about. Don’t you just WONDER what it would actually look like? It’d only last four years, or until he was impeached, whichever came first.
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Honestly, there is a tiny bit of curiosity of what President Trump would be like. But I imagine his presidency would be a mix of Vladimir Putin and some Saudi prince, with a helping of Jerry Springer. That would give a lot of material for jokes, obviously, but I think there’ll be plenty of it even during the campaign.
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We’re not supposed to want Trump in office but when you describe it in those terms, how could you NOT want to see what unfolds? You’re not making it easy.
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I DO want to see what unfolds. I just don’t want to be on the same planet (or, at the very least, continent) when that happens.
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Or until he tweets something nasty to North Korea and they drop their nukes on us. But until then, yes, I can’t wait. He will get a solid gold desk for the Oval Office. And a crown. He naturally will have the President wear a crown.
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Actually, if he wins, he will probably arrange to have his golden hair shaped like a crown.
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Ha, yeah. I can see gold plating all over the front of the White House with TRUMP in lights. Also he will make the executive decision to go monarchy, so he can be declared King instead of President.
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You hit the nail on the mark with this. Surely sounds like the Frump.
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I think we’re supposed to spell his last name as “Drumpf”. #makeDonaldDrumpfAgain
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Haha! This is awesome. I think #10 is my fave. But I think Trump could use his own hair transplant plan. He should take that tupee out back and shoot it.
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I don’t think he can do that. I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s really his hair that tell Donald Trump what to do.
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Aha! You may be on to something. Perhaps he’s being controlled by a hair alien from the planet Hair. It might also explain the wacky stuff he says all the time.
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And they said there was no politician who could address the issue. Well I guess they were right. Donald’s no politician…his plan is riddled with issues! Why it’s pure genius.
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Terrific. Unbelievably good. It was an honer to read it.
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Thank you!
I was sure that the word “honer” was a typo, but it’s actually a word: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=honer
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It’s actually a “word.”
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I like not having to chose between sickness and bankruptcy! And the best part is that Donald knows all about bankruptcy, so he can totally help us out with that. By telling us we’re losers, unlike him.
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He can probably also help you to get started on your bankruptcy. All you need to do is to pay tuition to Trump University, and hope someone is going to hire you.
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The Donald is the best.
Just go ahead and ask him… he’ll tell you.
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