“So, Francois, I know we’re talking terrorism and this is a little off-topic, but check out how big my hands are compared to Donald Trump’s!”
Image source: USAToday
While everyone is so busy watching Donald Trump’s antics, you might have missed a new White House scandal that’s brewing! During a meeting with Barack Obama at the White House, French president Francois Hollande used the words “Islamist terrorism”, which mysteriously disappeared from the video and audio recordings of the speech posted by the White House, although the words appeared in the posted text transcript and the corrected video posted by the White House hours later. Both Hollande and Obama claim that this was due to a technical issue, while the conservatives are outraged because this obviously has to be another example of political correctness run amok. But you know you can count on me to dig deeper and provide 10 real reasons why the words “Islamist terrorism” disappeared from Hollande’s speech, so here they are:
1) Obama’s family dog Bo ate the correct video file.
2) FBI hack of the San Bernardino shooter’s iPhone caused a system-wide malfunction across many i-products, including iSlamist Terrorism.
3) It was a deliberate decision by the top White House staff to remove the words from the French President’s speech because America cares about our relationship with Islamic-majority allies much more than we care about our French allies. (No offence, France, but how much oil do YOU have?)
4) It was a deliberate decision made by low-level staffers: the Obama administration is so laid-back and relaxed that White House’s audio engineers are allowed to set their own foreign policy.
5) According to credible CIA and NSA sources, saying “Islamic terrorism” out loud may conjure the spirit of Osama bin Laden.
6) The White House audio engineers are paid by the word, and the government just could not justify paying taxpayers dollars for “Islamist Terrorism”.
7) Hollande was talking way too fast for the White House interpreter to type every word into Google Translate.
8) Because Republicans argue that the White House should leave the job of nominating the next Supreme Court justice to the next president, it’s only logical that the White House decided to leave talking about Islamist terrorism to the next president as well.
9) It really was a technical issue: technically, Hollande said it, and Obama had an issue with that.
10) After months of media focusing solely on Donald Trump, the White house staff felt undeservedly left out and ignored.
List of X 
Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Hey …. totally plausible!
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At least one of the 10 has got to be true.
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You got it!!
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#2? Brilliant.
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It’s funny how on your blog, we’re also having a discussion of #2. 🙂
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It’s my life. That seems funny until it’s not.
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Brilliant. John Oliver should hire you to write a weekly Top Ten list.
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While it would be an honor, I have to admit that he’s doing pretty well even without my help.
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I knew it! I knew Apple had a hand in all this iSlamic Terrorism. I suspect that the recording techs were detailed to leave out any American influenced systems or organizations that could generate questions about America’s foreign policy. In being scrupulously honest, they deleted all references to ISIS and spin offs, as this is a Sunni organization that formed specifically in response to the fact that America supported a Shiite president in Iraq who then instituted a pogrom against all Sunnis. The US choice randomly killed and imprisoned Sunnis, drove them from their homes and burnt / blew up all Sunni places of worship as well as neighborhoods. The officials indiscriminately slaughtered Sunni women and children as well as men. These were American supported officials. Once the Sunnis had been starved and driven into the desert, they organized into ISIS and, in revenge, began to slaughter all Shiites and Americans they could lay their hands on. I wonder why?
Anyway, hilarious post X – I suspect Obama has the bigger hands. Bwahaha!
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I think you’re on to something, Paul. Actually, the deletion of “Islamist Terrorism” might have been part of a backroom deal to prevent further inflammation of religious sensitivities in multi-religious France by also using the term, “Christian Crusading”, a.k.a., making sand glow and carpet bombing. In the end, though, it probably didn’t matter because who’s going to listen to Francois when Donald Trump had already sucked all the oxygen out of the political sphere?
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The good Catholic French were seriously involved in the Crusades trying to wipe out Muslims for around 200 years starting circa 1100. When a good Catholic Frenchman smiles at a Muslim now, the Muslim flinches and casts around to make sure death isn’t impending. There may be some history there. 🙂 Besides France has about 300 nuclear weapons and missile delivery systems that will reach the Middle East.You know I wrote a post apocalyptic story about life in the Middle East after Israel and the Muslims had flung nukes at each other to their mutual destruction – no one will publish it. I wonder why? ha!
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Although the history did not start in 1100 – in the 8th century, Muslims invaded France, too, and there were multiple attempts by the Ottoman Empire to invade Western Europe in 16th and 17th century – although since about 19th century, it’s mostly Europe and the US messing in the Middle East, and not the other way around.
I don’t really think that Muslims look at Catholic Frenchmen and see killers – if that were true, Muslim refugees would be trying to avoid France as much as they can.
As for the story, I know a place that could publish it: julienoblog.wordpress.com 🙂
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Ha! True dat – Julienoblog it is there are a number of chapters already. I hadn’t thought of that. Thanks X ! i was vaguely aware that the Muslims and the French had “history” but I wasn’t aware of the details Thanks again X. .
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No one would have cared what Hollande said if there wasn’t Obama in the picture. And yes, there are still Republicans watching anything Obama does – because the White House has gone without a scandal for way too long so that it might start to hurt Republican election prospects if they continue to let Obama get away with outrageous stuff like that.
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Well, it’s obvious Apple is supporting ISIS. Why else they wouldn’t let the FBI to access the ISIS smartphone?
Sent from my Samsung smartphone
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Obama’s secretary, the daughter of Rose Mary Woods, was recording the video while playing a game of Twister, and accidentally hit the wrong button with her knee, which deleted the words, leaving an 18-second gap.
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Which was still very lucky, because for a few seconds during the game, her elbow was inches away from the nuclear launch button.
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Hey, for once it wasn’t something Joe Biden said. That’s a plus! I’m going with number one. That Bo gets into everything.
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Biden is #1 suspect when something inappropriate gets said (or possibly #2 after Trump now), so when something doesn’t get said, he’s probably the last guy who might be responsible.
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Ha, yes, Trump makes Biden look like an eloquent, sophisticated wordsmith.
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So Bin Laden is basically Beetlejuice.
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Except apparently you only have to say the code words once.
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Uh… obviously, the ghost of ‘Tricky Dick’ Nixon erased part of the tapes…
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Dude, there’s no such thing as ghosts. Or Republicans.
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Maybe not in Canada, but I’m pretty sure we got them down here
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Up here, we call those things “werewolves”. They get a certain way after a few beers.
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What about werebeavers and weremoose?
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Stop making up animals, X. Werewolves are like a thing. Beavers and moose are just beavers and moose.
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They’re not a thing? That’s disappointing. But I’m sure that Canadian geneticists are close to making that a thing by splicing beaver and moose DNA with werewolf genes.
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we will all be ghosts if they end up in charge… ha
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Or, if ghosts end up in charge, we might all turn into Republicans.
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not me
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Well, what’s your plan for the ghost takeover then?
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proton packs… lots of proton packs
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Crap, I was stockpiling “protein packs”. Are you saying they’re not going to help me?
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well, they might come in handy too
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You and X should just take over your country, then come over here and we’ll have a big old jamboree. Naked.
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Sorry, am I supposed to do all of these things naked or just the jamboree? Because if Art and I were to take over the world, we should at least wear capes, otherwise we wouldn’t be taken seriously.
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It’s kind of up to you, really. Capes and all. I’ll be the rather grungy naked guy sitting on the pyramid of beer cases while texting for someone to bring me up my caped buds X and Art. I like to call them Art-X. Sounds like a band. Wait, you guys aren’t a band are you???
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No, we’re not in a band. We might be in two different bands, though.
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right after we invade you and take charge, you have a deal…
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Can you speed things along a little, please? That Trump guy makes me feel irritable and nervous. And now, it’s not my shoes or my thong.
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we are working on it
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Working on what now?
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taking over the world… and you are nice and near by
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Better you guys than Trumpy-buns.
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well… gee… thanks…
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Am I allowed to call him Trumpy-buns, or will this result in us being invaded?
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well, since I am already planning to invade, it doesn’t really matter…
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Okay, Arty-buns. Hmmmm… I like that name. I think I will start calling everyone some variation of ‘buns’. I must have buns on the mind. I wonder why that is. Maybe it’s because my blimmin job is making me lose my mind!
Also, I just took an hour off and wrote a crazy story. I think I might even post it, maybe this weekend.
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doooo ittttttt
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This needs to be a thing, Arty-buns. And only you can make this thing real. My skills are but a speck upon your mottled backside when it comes to blog-crazy (I made an assumption on the mottling part, but you’re going to have to prove me wrong on that one).
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wait… what needs to be a thing???
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Oh Arty-buns… you forget so quickly. Trenty-buns made such a sterling suggesting, originated at the expense of Trumpy-buns, and you’ve totally forgotten already. Wait till Xy-buns hears about this (I just realized we’re spouting nonsense on his otherwise reputable blog).
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the nerve of us… Trenty-cheeks
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‘y-cheeks’ is not thing. ‘y-buns’ is a thing. It even has a name: y-buns. All you have to do is y-buns some stuff, the rest writes itself.
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I refuse to get sucked into your weirdness…
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Whaaaaaaat…..
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you heard me
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Oh Arty-buns… why you gotta be like that…
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I really don’t know…
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I know – crack squirrels!
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that must be it
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It’s already too late.
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oh… right
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Y-buns is a thing? What about y-buny-buns?
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Don’t mock the y-buns, Xy-buns. It’s not nice. It’s much like building your house on an old cemetery. Next thing you know, all your underwear is gone and Donald Trump is Emperor of Earth.
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How about Trenty-Lew?
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Trenty-poo
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I’m just hearing about it now. I think Xy-bun sounds like some sort of insomnia medication.
And who you calling “reputable”? Them’s invading words!
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We are so screwed.
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Yeah, you’re getting invaded anyway, either by Art or by Trump, so go right ahead.
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I’m not sure about Art, but I think you’re giving me too much credit.
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I thought you’re 4000 miles away from me and 3000 from Trent. Is your invasion force getting close?
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This probably means that the erased part of the video also turned into a ghost.
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I think that’s how it works… maybe
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Do you remember that famous photo of Nixon’s secretary Rosemary Woods making that improbable stretching to erase 18.5 minutes of tape? That was dubbed the “Rose Mary Stretch,” so don’t act so surprised like it hasn’t happened before.
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Just scrolled up and now realized I made the least original comment here. Give me a BREAK. I’ve been away and am a little off my game. If I had a game. Which I don’t think I did.
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Nah, yours was better than Art’s.
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Winning.
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Or just keeping up, my man.
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So I googled the “Rosemary Woods stretch” – and since you made me learn something new, this comment does not qualify as least original.
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I heard of 18 minutes being “accidentally” erased from the Nixon tapes, but I’ve never seen the famous photo you’re referring to. I’ll have to google it.
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Just for the record, and in case you didn’t know this, Canadaland has WAY more oil than France. So, like, some respect please…
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I guess my way of showing respect to Canada is not writing any lists making fun of Canada.
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However, in Canada, we often say that we feel the most respected when people includes us in lists, which they seldom do.
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I have included Canada in lists, I just haven’t made Canada the main target in one. I even kept my silence through the whole Rob Ford affair.
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Rob Ford was having an affair??? Gross.
Poor Rob Ford. He seems like he was highly misunderstood. I heard his daughter eulogize him… broke my heart, actually. She’s like 12.
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Compared to our Donald Trump, Ford would probably seem like a quaint family man.
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I bet the two of them would have made a cute couple, actually. We are totally okay with gay marriage up here, but alas, it’s not meant to be.
I hope your Donald Trump goes away soon. He is starting to irritate Canada.
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He’s starting to irritate Canada? Then this is way more serious than I thought.
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Yeah, really. Nothing really irritates us. Well, that 1812 business where we trounced Washington but you guys said you won… that was a bit irritating. But we got over it. Donald is just like 1812, only I don’t know if we’re going to get over him so easily.
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Sorry, I know you guys really won that thing, but we always say we won, regardless of what actually happened. Kind of Donald Trump, I guess.
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I am going with #8, delay due to election year and Lame Duck status. Makes perfect sense to me.
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He really should start using this excuse more often.
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My first thought … honestly … before reading the list was the dog (Bo) having eaten it – and than there it is … Scary!
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That was the whole reason they even got the dog – so that they could have a scapedog to blame for disappearance of important documents.
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Perfect reasoning.
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Seems clear to me that we were just helping out a not-as-enlightened friend who obviously didn’t know that labeling terrorists who are Muslim as Islamic terrorists would really, really hurt their feelings. All the lesser countries are so lucky to have us, the big brother US of A, to correct them, aren’t they?
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Yes, now in addition to rubbing into France’s face that we saved them from the Nazis, we’ll get to brag that we saved France from… sorry, we can’t say from whom exactly.
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Censorship, man…
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