Sample 2016 election ballot with a sample vote.
Many Americans complain that in this election, the only options available to them is either Clinton or Trump (or, as most voters put it, “voting against Trump” and “voting against Clinton”, respectively). However, you do have other options: in fact, over a thousand people have filed official paperwork as candidates in the 2016 presidential election. Here are 10 of these alternatives. (All the candidates listed below are actual candidates running for president in 2016, and some will even appear on the election ballots.)
1) Gary Johnson, Libertarian party: Running on a well-thought-out and appealing platform of being neither Clinton nor Trump.
2) Jill Stein, Green Party: Fighting for the rights of the Whole Foods shoppers everywhere.
3) Kevin Deame, Pirate Party: Vote for strong navy, return to the gold standard, no taxes, and no government regulations! Or just vote for the Republicans, their program is pretty much the same.
4) Mike Fahl, Cherry Picker Party: You can vote for any part of their agenda you like.
5) Caesar St. Augustine DeBuonaparte, Absolute Dictator: In case you actually do want an absolute dictator running the country, just want someone other than Donald Trump.
6) Bradford Lyttle, US Pacifist Party: They guarantee there would be no more wars, but on the other hand, you can be sure that the Pacifist Party wouldn’t be fighting for the middle class, lower taxes, or environment either.
7) Darrell Trigg, Christian Party: Jesus was supposed to be on the ticket, but there seems to be some problem with his birth certificate.
8) Rod Silva, Nutrition Party: You will get chicken in every pot, burger in every bun, and tofu in every vegetarian! Proteins of the world, unite!
9) Dan Vacek, Legal Marijuana Now Party: Legalize marijuana now, and vote for some Nutrition later, man!
10) Todd Clayton Jr., Chivalry Party: They will graciously let Hillary Clinton or Jill Stein have all of their votes.
Finally, if you’re still not happy even with the expanded list of candidates, you could move to Florida and vote for any candidate – as 2000 election showed, Florida’s voting machines will assign your vote to a randomly picked candidate, and therefore will absolve you of any responsibility in electing Clinton or Trump. Or you can just move to Canada and not vote in the election at all: since either Clinton or Trump are guaranteed to win and therefore trigger a flood of Americans leaving the country, it’s better to move now, before all the best places are taken.
List of X 
They could also vote Gibberite where all questions, concerns and problems are solved promptly and with great wisdom.
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Gibber representing the Jabbering Party? But aren’t you Canadian?
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She may be Canadian, but I’m genuine 100% Amer’can. I can serve as Prez, while she runs for PM of Canada. Eventually we will unite the two countries as our first step toward conquering the world.
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By “unite the countries”, you mean Gibber will say she’s too busy to run Canada, and will ask you to take over?
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Exactly. I think that would fit in nicely with the old plan of Manifest Destiny.
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Well I am but Tippy is running the show and he’s not.
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Oh yes, he can! Although I didn’t see his name on the list of candidates…
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He’s running honest. I told him he has too..lol
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Johnson couldn’t name one world leader the other day. Going for the Sarah Palin vote.
Can I vote for Tom Hanks? He seems like such a nice guy, doesn’t he? I’ll bet he can unite the parties.
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I’m not surprised that Johnson was stumped by the question which world leader he admires – there’s like 200 world leaders and every single one of them is neither Clinton nor Trump.
Yes, you can vote for the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan ticket, too.
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Plus, most of those world leaders have unpronounceable names. Can’t really blame him.
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Yeah, I think Putin as as pronounceable as it gets.
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Confusing too. I keep thinking he’s Canadian.
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#7 is better than the Second Coming.
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I don’t think it’s fair to compare the joke to the Second Coming and not the first one, because the sequel is rarely as good as the original.
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In defense of the Second Coming, they have been smart to not rush this sequel into production. They are really listening to fans so as not to make the mistakes Satan makes each time he comes back. First rule of Second Coming: Don’t steal the body of a little girl. Take notes, Jesus.
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Well, from what I hear about the script, the production would require some serious special effects, thousands of people involved, and locations all around the globe, so it may just be the problem finding the money for the budget.
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As a Canadian, I’d like to point out that as a country we have pledged to help Syrian refugees, not American refugees. We have standards, y’all!
#sarcasm #beforeigettrolled
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You might have standards, but you don’t have a wall on the border to stop us from coming!
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Too bad Peter Sellers is dead. I really liked his style in Being There. He just stood around and looked wise. I’d vote for him.
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I had to Google this movie, but I think I agree. At least he’d be able to keep the Rose Garden without any help.
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Here in the UK we have a long tradition of voting for ‘other’ candidates – the Monster Raving Loony Party being the most well known ‘alternative’. Over the years they have put forward policy proposal like:
‘Every politician should have to be painted the colour of their party to make it easier to tell them apart.
‘We pledge to reduce class sizes by making the pupils sit closer to one another and issuing them with smaller desks.’
‘Half the grey squirrel population will be painted red in order to increase the red squirrel population while Fox hunting will be re introduced under the ”one fox – one dog” policy to make it a bit fairer.’
America, on the other hand, is clearly a basket case!
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That doesn’t sound any loonier than the idea to build a giant 2000 mile wall on the border.
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I started watching a documentary last night called “10 Questions for the Dalai Lama.” In order to explain to us ‘Mericans how natives view His Lamawesomeness, they said, “Imagine if you believed the person sitting in the White House was Jesus reincarnated.”
I think certain candidates this year DO think they’re Jesus reincarnated.
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Except Jesus wasn’t rich or successful at all and didn’t have even one hot wife.
Although, come to think of it, there is much more real estate out there bearing Jesus’s name than Trump’s name.
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The problem is that the more people who vote to make a point… or don’t at all… is that most of those votes get taken away from her… which is sort of like voting for him… if you see what I mean.
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I think it’s actually fair, because I think that Trump was the candidate of choice for those who who wanted to make a point in the Republican primary. (I’m not quite sure what that point was).
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I think the point is on the tops of their heads…
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You mean the horns?
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that too
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I’m surprised that Dan Vacek isn’t higher on the list 😉
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He is planning to get pretty high.
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Glad you got my joke. 😈
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I got it, but only after I went back to the list to check who it was. That doesn’t count, right?
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For you, Peg, I’ll count it!
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OBAMA
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OBAMA GANG
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7 was just hilarious… wouldn’t that be the ultimate birther controversy…
hey what about the Trent Lewin option? I know the bloke’s Canadian and all, and some people would consider this to be somewhat of the nuclear option, but I have great hair and very interesting socks. Surely that qualifies me for something!
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If you can prove that you paid your taxes and that you know how to use email, you’d have a pretty good chance.
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This list is invaluable for the majority of Americans who are leaning toward the “Hold Your Nose And Vote For The Candidate Who Is Not Him/Her” Party.
The link to all the other candidates is fascinating. I may not want to vote Pirate, but I bet they have the most fun primaries: lots of rum, peg-leg and parrot optional
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And let’s not forget sword duels instead of debates, looting for campaign funding, and making losing candidates walk the plank.
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That sounds sooooooo appealing right about now.
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I would love to see this happen. At this point, pirates are the best party because at least they are honest about the looting and pillaging.
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That’s probably a good thing during the election, but if they get elected and looting and pillaging really starts, a LOT of voters would be upset.
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I have a bad feeling looting and pillaging is gonna start after the election – but it will be the voters. Either way.
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Nice one there, X. I’ve been stalking your stuff for a while, keep it up!
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A more permanent solution might be to move to a country, which shall go unnamed, where you will never ever be called upon, required, asked, to ever vote.
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I don’t think there are a lot countries where people don’t have to vote – even in counties like Russia and Iran, not only you get called to vote, you also get told exactly for whom to vote for.
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Just imagine, if they hadn’t made it to the finals, both Clinton and Trump might have been pretty prominent entries on your list. What a state of affairs!
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I love this. I’m saying the same thing. If you don’t want Hillary, fine, go vote for a third party (because cough she’ll probably still get elected) but also because it is a right that roughly 50 percent of our country don’t bother with because what do millions of votes accomplish anyway?
I think Canada is going to build a wall to prevent us from going over there.
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Unfortunately, a certain number of people who plan on voting for a third party candidate only because said candidate is not a Republican or Democrat, not because they really know what that candidate stands for. Take Gary Johnson: he ran in 2012 and got 1%. He is polling at 7-10% now, which means almost all of his prospective voters did not like him back in 2012 but suddenly like him now – and he’s a libertarian, so it’s not like his platform has changed. All that has changed is the major candidates. In other words, most of those who will vote for him will vote for him not because they know him and like him, but because they don’t like either Clinton or Trump.
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Yes, I’ve seen the guy. He’s – weird. Just weird. I suppose weird is better than creeping me out, but I’d want to know he had a VP who could manage complete coherent sentences first.
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I think you’re setting the bar too high. Even among those at the top of the ticket, we don’t even have everyone who can manage complete coherent sentences.
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It’s not that I don’t trust Jesus but why would his parents take a rigorous trip in the ninth month of pregnancy? It all sounds suspicious. Not only am I going to need to see a birth certificate but I’d also like police to take a statement from those stable animals.
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And I am sure they got the birth certificate to state his birthplace as “Bethlehem, PA”, rather than the full “Bethlehem, Palestine”.
By the way, there were human witnesses – the three wiseguys, who are probably in the police records anyway.
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Reblogged this on Ashutosh Tilak.
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If Hitler was still alive and ran for president of the United States I would rather vote for him! Heil Hitler!!!!
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also All these picks are terrible except Caesar Saint Augustine
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Really? I would think that if there is at least one politician almost all would agree shouldn’t be president, it would be Hitler. Of course, if he had never been the leader of Germany (and neither WWII nor the Holocaust had happened), he’d probably had a decent shot of winning the 2016 election, judging by Trump’s results.
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Heil Hitler!
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I have to say i’m not to fond of both of them but I do think trump is better then Hillary.
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Ivanka Trump bikini shots is surely going to give you some extreme feels.. http://tinyurl.com/z829e4w 🙂
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Keep up to date with donald trump news! https://donaldtrumptshirt.wordpress.com/
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