During the the very first intelligence briefing, Donald Trump was annoyed to find out that the FBI isn’t planning to provide a daily stack of new adoring articles about Donald Trump, nor the information about those who criticizing Trump online and where they live.
Image source: poluticususa
As all winners of presidential elections before him, Donald Trump gets daily intelligence briefings from the CIA and the FBI. However, according to the news reports, he has been actually attending these daily briefings only about once a week or so. Here are 10 reasons why Donald Trump is skipping most of his intelligence briefings.
1) Donald Trump doesn’t believe that anyone can possibly have more intelligence than he does.
2) Donald Trump finds it extremely difficult and frustrating to keep having to enter the access code to the briefing room with his tiny fingers.
3) Donald Trump doesn’t need daily briefings because he is getting by-the-minute reports from the MPAS (Many People Are Saying).
4) Donald Trump expects the CIA to send all the briefing materials to his Twitter account – since Donald Trump doesn’t use a private email server like Hillary Clinton did, this method should be considered fully secure.
5) The intelligence agencies refuse to let Donald Trump’s kids into their security briefings. And since Ivanka, Eric, and Don Junior now run Donald Trump’s empire, they absolutely need to know all the classified information available to Donald Trump to be sure that they aren’t accidentally using any classified information while making business decisions.
6) Donald Trump doesn’t care what individual Muslim radicals group might be up to because once he’s the president, he’s planning to just nuke all the Muslims anyway.
7) Donald Trump knows that the best way to avoid accidentally tweeting classified information is to never learn any classified information in the first place.
8) There is no use in worrying about something terrible that might or might not happen, when it would be so much easier to just blame Obama later for letting it happen.
9) He doesn’t want to accidentally blurt out his secret plan to defeat ISIS to the CIA during a briefing, fearing that the Obama administration steals his plan, quickly defeats ISIS, and takes all the credit.
10) He is already getting all his intelligence from the KGB.
List of X 
The 10th one seems most plausible. Also he can’t read, and he’s afraid the CIA will figure that out if they quiz him on the reports they’ve been sending to him.
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And he should be afraid of the CIA’s quizzes: after all, the CIA has been known to use waterboarding when they’re quizzing people and don’t like their answers.
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He has a very good brain. What? You don’t believe it? He said so himself during the campaign. Making America great again!
Trump’s cabinet strategy is to match the federal agency with the person who hates it the most. Clever.
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It could be a sign of Trump’s sick sense of humor: appoint someone who wants to get rid of a department in charge of that department, the watch the appointee being torn between their desire to dismantle their department and their desire to not make their job obsolete.
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A cabinet of Ron Swansons.
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All working under Councilman Jamm.
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I was going to pick #1 as my favorite until I came to #10 which is a winner.
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…and once again, the Russians manage to steal the victory from the early favorite at the last moment…
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I am in the very same boat . .. it must be a plot!
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It was. Luckily, in this case you are allowed to have a re-vote.
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Please, please, PLEASE can we have one for president? PLEASE?????
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You mean, Revote For President, 2020?
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As to No. 1 it’s true
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In case of the generals he has appointed to his cabinet, it might actually be true.
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LOL! I heard a few of them are right into conspiracy theories.
Neptune, help us! 🙂
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And now, they’re going to put them into conspiracy practice.
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Yay. Time for a Fake News story concerning the urgent need to invade and “bomb the shit” out of the devilishly evil country, Slabonnia-ia, where babies are sacrificed, monkeys are born with their faces on their arses, and the word Trump is outlawed.
Slabonnia-ia is located on the 60th parallel, but it’s not known where, precisely.
Set sail!!
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I think I remember seeing this story.
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Oh yeah, there it is. 30% of Republicans support bombing a fake country: http://time.com/4155228/amiercans-bomb-aladdin-agrabah/
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Oh. Dear. Sweet. Neptune.
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Imagine that!
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I barely can. 🙂
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Remember when List of X was so obviously and clearly satire? These days, it’s more like, “Hmmm, this could be true.” These are dark days for satirists. (Also: No. 3 is super.)
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You are absolutely right. Nothing is out of the box any more. Except perhaps my brains.
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P.S. I love you, X.
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I disagree. I think the more ridiculous it gets, the more avenues for satire open. You could even post the actual thing he said or did and tag it Satire and it might even work.
So I think it wouldn’t be dark days for satirists. For everyone else, yes, but not satirists.
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Considering my post this morning, I hope you’re right.
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SNL doesn’t even have to be creative. Just copy verboten.
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Your satires sits closely with the truth, I’m sure. I hope your next post explains why he won’t do a press conference.
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I think it’s because he can say everything in 140 characters or less, and not be bothered by the lamestream media questions after.
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Three cheers for Wharton Business School. He must have been at the top of his Twitter class.
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I don’t think there was a Twitter class back then, but Trump invented it by handing in essays none of which were longer than 140 letters.
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Once again, it is a case of not knowing whether this should make me laugh or cry… but good post.
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You can laugh now. We’ll see what happens after the Inauguration day.
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yeah we will… sigh…
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Yeah, we will sigh a lot.
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We might as well… it can’t hurt.
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DT’s latest tweet: “I think outside the box. Briefings are inside the box. Also in there are books. Waste of time. Next, I think I’ll . . Oh look! A squirrel!”
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“Art of the Deal is the best book. Everyone knows. Totally Amazing. Why are CIA and FBI rigging the briefings by bringing their own books? Disgusting!”
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Good posts, beautiful blog.
Congratulations.
Welcome to see my creations:
http://paintdigi.com
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Trump wants nothing to do with intelligence.
And vice-versa.
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He did say he loves the poorly educated.
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Who doesn’t?
They’re hilarious.
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I’m sure you know better than Trump.
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I sure hope so.
Then again, he’s way more successful so who am I to judge?
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My poor, pre-Christmas brain has totally run out of clever, so I’ll just lamely say – good stuff here.
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This is frightfully good, X. The scariest part is some of it could be true!
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I do like to consider the idea that maybe Trump knows himself well enough to realize he couldn’t keep a secret and would be better off not knowing the secrets in the first place.
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Reblogged this on Ashutosh Tilak.
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Donald Trump doesn’t like anything that has to do with intelligence, nor does intelligence like anything that has to do with him! Great post, it walked the line between satire and informational writing.
If you’re interested in politics and foreign affairs, check out my blog at the link below!
https://braedenpoliticslife.wordpress.com/
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Would LOVE your feedback: https://goldisfromaliens.com/2017/02/17/we-both-wear-spanx-and-other-things-i-have-in-common-with-donald-trump/
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This post is hilarious / terrifying, but the icing on the cake was the google app I have that turns pics of Trump to kittens. I love the kittens at the top of this post.
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Please check out http://www.donaldtrumpdisorder.com
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