“What’s your WiFi password? I need to send some emergency tweets about fake news and the 2016 election. Also, why do they say it was a category 4 hurricane? It was a tremendous, magnificent hurricane. It’s got to be at least a 9.”
As the hurricane Harvey devastated Texas, president Donald Trump has sprung into action to help the disaster area – which, by the way, was a total disaster. Not satisfied with tweeting from a golf course, he arrived yesterday to Texas in person to talk about how great were the crowds at his stopovers and how amazing, historic, and unprecedented the storm was, almost like his 2016 election victory. While many people criticized his visit as a useless PR stunt, Donald Trump actually took many concrete actions to speed up the recovery. Here are just 10 of them.
1) Personally oversaw the delivery of the emergency shipment of 20 thousand Confederate general statues.
2) Had his wife Melania wear sharp-tipped stiletto heels to poke holes in the ground as she walks to improve the drainage of the floodwaters.
3) Generously offered to house the victims who lost their homes in his magnificent Trump-brand hotels, starting from just $399 per person per night.
4) Promised to cut all regulations on oil and coal: the nation urgently needs global warming now, because the higher temperatures will make the floodwaters evaporate faster.
5) Refused to meet any actual storm victims because he hates losers and wants to inspire the winning spirit in Texans.
6) When talking about the hurricane and the rescuers trying to deal with the storm’s aftermath, Donald Trump made sure to call out the devastation and flooding caused by the many sides. Many sides! He also pointed out that there were many fine clouds within the storm front.
7) Made lots of speeches about his stunning election victory to make the nation again remember that hurricane Harvey might not be not the most the biggest problem facing the country right now.
8) Demanded additional $200 billion from Congress to build a border wall 10 miles high so that hurricanes can no longer enter the country illegally.
9) Signed an executive order declaring the Harvey response efforts a huge success.
10) Spent barely three hours on the ground in Texas far away from Houston, and promptly headed off to a campaign rally elsewhere.
List of X 
Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
As always, these points are perfectly on target!! 🎯
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Thank you for the reblog! Glad to see you too are still around:)
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You’re most welcome … yep, still around. I’ve missed you! 🙏🏽
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Brilliant as usual, but did you have an intense desire to take a bath after wading into Trumpland?
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Hmm, I do, but until now I was sure that this desire stemmed from not having the time to take a shower in days.
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So good to see you — and in Trump-stomping form!
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He makes it so easy. Too easy, as I’ve recently pointed out on your blog.
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Yes. But I haven’t the heart for it.
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And I the time or the ability to focus.
(You don’t usually need a heart to write lists 🙂
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But you do to focus long energy ugh to make them accurate, true, and funny.
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You’re back!!
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I didn’t really leave, I’ve just been lurking around.
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Stalking holiday.
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He also asked Russia for aid in helping him to drain the swamp, and promised to build a hotel in Moscow in exchange for their help at getting rid of Harvey.
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I think something got lost in translation, and the Russians rained the swamp instead.
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Storming return to top blogging form. Wonder he did not claim unleashing Harvey was his strategy for keeping out Mexicans; by making the US a place where nobody wants to come 😦
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In light of all the death and destruction it seems petty to criticize the First Lady for what she wore. But that’s never stopped me before. It’s not just the shoes. Doesn’t it seem like she put a lot of time and effort into putting that outfit together? With the popped collar and all? Nice facebook shares, pal. Deserved.
Are you giving us one post per season? Is that all we’re entitled to? Fail.
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If he tweeted once a year that would be too much. His best help for America is to resign. #45– go away!! He’s done nothing but destroy our country. He’s known for his tweets. That’s all. We The People need him impeached!!
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@ Exile on Pain Street,
Au contraire, IMO. But yes, she obviously took great pains in deciding what to wear to a wet disaster. Not just the stilettos but the bomber jacket, the floppy pants and the Ray-Bans, all of it. I wondered what Melania would do as FLOTUS and now we know, she’s setting fashion trends for history. What next? Depends on fate, but I know she’ll be ready. Garb for famine? Pestilence? A bombing? Volcano eruption? (Can’t wait for that one.) Alien arrival (no, not those. ET’s!)
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Love number 6! Many fine clouds, indeed.
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But you know, the thing with the clouds is, one minute it looks like puppy, next minute like an elephant, and the next minute like a Nazi.
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You’re onto something with # 8. To the walls! To the walls!
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Yes, we better build some dam walls pretty dam fast.
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Agreed. We need those walls and The Weather Channel will pay them!
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We need to shut down the Weather Channel since they obviously failing with the weather, and we’ll make Telemundo pay for the wall!
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I have missed your moronic… I mean, uh, ironic… or is it iconic… wit?
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I’ve been away for so long, it’s getting hard to remember which one it was.
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I know what you mean.
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Who can blame you for taking a break? Making fun of Trump can get exhausting cause while most presidents just do seriously stupid things every once in a while, he does them every single day. Even the late show comedians have been spacing each other out with breaks just to save sanity. Also there is the knowledge that most of your jokes aren’t exaggerations. Sad.
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You should start a blog.
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Starting is the easy part. It’s having to post stuff regularly that’s bugging me.
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True enough.
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In hindsight, he probably arranged for Irma to follow so that people would stop talking about Harvey – just like Harvey replaced Russia as the news media’s darling!
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