“Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me… ah, screw it. I’m getting too old for this crap.”
This Thursday was the birthday of the First Lady Melania Trump, and as was reported recently in the news, her husband, President Donald Trump, did not give her a present for her birthday this year. He did say he already gave her some flowers and a card, which were the most amazing flowers and the prettiest card his assistant found in the CVS discount aisle. Here are 10 reasons why Donald Trump never gave his wife an actual present.
1) Donald Trump was too busy golfing, tweeting, and watching Fox News, or as he calls it, “running the country”.
2) He did buy a Melania a birthday present, but had to use it up to placate Melania when the Stormy Daniels story came up.
3) Donald Trump had been counting on his lawyer Michael Cohen to pay Melania hush money to stay quiet about not getting a present.
4) Donald Trump got confused and thought Ivanka was the wife and Melania was his son’s Eastern European nanny.
5) Donald Trump didn’t bother looking for present for Melania in advance because he thought he’d be getting a new wife by now.
6) Donald Trump thought it would be very inappropriate to spend taxpayers’ money on a present to his wife, when our tax dollars could be spent on something more important, like another Mar-A-Lago trip.
7) Due to staff turnover problems at the White House, various Trump assistants who would have been assigned to keep track of the important birthdays are all either in the “not yet nominated” or “already resigned in disgrace” stages of their careers.
8) Donald Trump’s Secret Service agents swore to protect him if Melania ever got angry about not getting a present.
9) Trump was thinking of asking Melania what present she wanted. However, the present she wanted turned out to be way too expensive, since she wanted a divorce.
10) It was Obama’s fault.
List of X 
I think number 9 is correct. That’s probably the only present she’ll ever want: single status.
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Probably. I’d also want to know if she would get half the country if they divorce.
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Just when we thought Michael Cohen had paid you off so that you don’t write any more true stuff about DT…
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He did, but in the last couple of weeks I stopped getting my weekly checks, so I guess the deal is off now.
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Nobody does presents like me. No one. A lot of people say that. Most people.
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You’re going to get the best presents, tremendous ones! We’re going to throw out all the presents you got from Obama, all terrible, and we will replace them with something much, much better!
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Believe me.
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I believe you, believe me!
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#3 was my favorite until I reach the last one – which turned out to be a 10 for #10! Well done!
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I knew you would appreciate #10, Frank. 🙂
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Melania’s birthday present? Now we know … she only got flowers and a card!!
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Hi!! Good day … good to see you. Hadn’t seen you for a while. Have a great day! Humor helps me make it through these days!! Peace … __/l\__
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I haven’t been here in a while, so it’s good to see you’re still here, too 🙂
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Nicely done, X. And, the photo you found for this post is absolutely perfect!
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To be completely honest, it would probably be harder to find a picture of Melania looking happy while sitting next to her husband.
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All nicely done, but with the Orange Draft Dodger, satire is difficult because not matter how outlandish, it could be true.
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It also comes with a complication that whenever you’re trying to make a joke about an outlandish thing he said or did, he says/does something even more outlandish and that previous outlandish thing gets completely forgotten.
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Congrats on finding the humor. I have lost it 😢
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Well, it took me almost four months to find it, considering that this is my first post this year.
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Then there’s hope for me!
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Definitely. Some of your favorite topics do not lose relevance no matter who controls the Oval Office, whether it’s the Democrats, the Republicans, or the Russians.
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😳
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A welcome return X. We need the laughter more than ever now.
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And I’m just glad to be back before “we need the laughter now more than ever” turned into “now is not the time for laughter”.
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😀 Yep, better get the laughs before its too late. You never know, congress might try to pass a bill banning laughter in America.
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The videos of Don repeatedly trying to hold her hand and her avoiding his touch like it’s sulphuric acid is Melania’s birthday gift to all of us.
Your last post previous to this is from December. That’s a rather poor showing, sir.
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This is not poor showing. This was a historic, record-breaking long break! No one ever came back from a longer break!
As for Melania’s avoiding Donald’s hand, it could be the actual sulfuric acid that Donald uses to give his skin that magical orange glow.
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Nice spin. Have you considered a career in politics or advertising?
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I have, but don’t like people enough to go into politics, and too much to go into advertising.
Or maybe it’s the other way around.
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Great humor as usual!
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He is such a dick.
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I bet the baby Trump balloons in England made the best late birthday present ev-ah.
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