In a tense moment, Brett Kavanaugh pretends to be asleep when asked a particularly uncomfortable question during his hearing.
Image source: Washington Post
This Thursday, the entire nation turned its attention to the Senate confirmation hearings of Brett Kavanaugh, a judge nominated by president Donald Trump to fill the US Supreme Court vacancy. Thursday hearings have been especially dramatic, because of a very emotional testimony by psychology professor Christina Blasey Ford, who has accused Kavanaugh of trying to rape her at a house party 36 years ago, when she was 15 and he was 17. Ford’s testimony was followed by an even more emotional Kavanaugh’s testimony denying all accusations. Many Democrats insist that we must believe Ford because we must believe all women, while many Republicans insist we must believe Kavanaugh, because we must believe all Republicans. Here are 10 more reactions to the Kavanaugh hearings.
1) Brett Kavanaugh, Supreme Court nominee: “My good name has been attacked, but your slander will never stop me, your accusation will not stop me. I will never quit! I will sit on that Supreme Court bench, even if I have smash a window to get into the court building!”
2) Christina Blasey Ford: “The last two weeks have been the worst two weeks of my life. In these two weeks, my name has been dragged through the mud, I’ve received death threats, I’ve been slut-shamed, my family has been attacked by the media… My only regret is that I hadn’t reported the assault right away, so that my family could have been enduring all that abuse for the last 36 years instead.”
3) Cory Booker, Democratic Senator: “We need to know the truth: if Brett Kavanaugh it just as honest, ethical, and opposed to sexual assaults as he says he is, he should not be confirmed because he would make the rest of Trump administration look really bad.”
4) Vice President Mike Pence: “People mock me for refusing to meet with women one-on-one. But this disgrace of a hearing is the reason why I do what I do, because I do not want to become a target of vile accusation like Judge Kavanaugh. God knows, I would never sexually assault a woman, unless it’s in the presence of my wife.”
5) Jeff Flake, Republican Senator: “This whole situation makes me sick. I voted to confirm Judge Kavanaugh in the Judicial Committee, but only on the condition that the FBI conducts an investigation into the accusations. The FBI investigation has to be very brief, and its scope should be limited to only finding evidence exonerating Judge Kavanaugh.”
6) Ashley Kavanaugh, Brett Kavanaugh’s wife: “All these people are making all these claims that Brett has been assaulting women all his life, in high school, in middle school, practically ever since he had been born. All this is an absolute lie! In fact, Brett says he had not even been born until many years after high school, and I believe him!”
7) Average Republican Kavanaugh supporter: “Come on, this was a long time ago, he was just a boy, you know, boys will be boys, hmm? Give him a mulligan just this once. I mean, it wasn’t like he tried to rape my 15-year-old daughter! Cause, you know, if she ever told me that some 17-year-old hoodlum tried to pull something like that, I’d get my nearest AR-15 and blast his damn head off.”
8) Mitch McConnell, Republican Senate Majority Leader: “Excellent testimony by Brett Kavanaugh. He has destroyed Ford’s testimony by presenting all these easily verifiable facts that we must never allow to be verified.”
9) Donald Trump: “I think this woman was a very credible witness. Very, very nice testimony. Very believable. Must confirm Kavanaugh right away! She proved Brett had been very tough on women and has what it takes to be a tremendous judge who will conduct Republican policies in a very non-partisan manner!! CONFIRM NOW!!! Also, NO COLLUSION!!!”
10) Merrick Garland, Barack Obama’s last Supreme Court nominee: “Well, at least he’s getting a hearing…”
List of X 
#10 Merrick Garland is very funny, but sad at the same time.
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At least there’s something somewhat funny about this. 🙂
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Trump: This is crazy. The higher the position, the more likelihood of women coming forward with their experiences. We will just change the name of the Supreme Court to Junior Court. And President to Security Guard. That will keep them in check.
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And while we’re at it, change the name of the Republican party to a subsidiary of the Trump organization.
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
This is a mix of truth and excellent satire and sarcasm … so humorous and serious at the same time! Scary that each could ‘almost’ be true!!
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Wait, are you saying they’re not all 100% true???
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Wait … in the current environment, they ALL are! I was being factious!! LOL …
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Oh X, too soon! That was painfully funny. And funnily painful. Number 2 is my favourite, that just says it all, doesn’t it?
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Too soon? I’m half expecting my conservative friends to ask why I had waited for so long to post this.
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I’m waiting for Springer to come out and give his Final Thoughts so that this whole stupid episode will be over .
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If Kavanaugh gets confirmed (which I think he will be), this episode will be over in just 30-40 years when he retires from the Supreme Court.
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Yeah, ain’t it great. I’ll get more popcorn ready…
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The rational you present at the conclusion of the intro paragraph is the funniest, truest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Sweet Mother of Jesus, this guy is going to wake up on Saturday morning as a SCOTUS justice. Heaven help us.
Mitch McConnell is the real villain here. He lit the fuse years ago. (See #10)
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McConnell is a villain here, and that’s even assuming Kavanaugh did do everything he’s been accused of – in which case the story will have two villains. Except one of the villains had done most of his evil deeds decades ago, and the other is still working hard on it – I can’t believe Republicans can’t find 10 other judges just as qualified as Kavanaugh, but with a cleaner past. They have found one with Gorsuch, after all.
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I appreciate the effort to get some humor out of a shameful situation. No 10 is good. I also like the ‘No Collusion’ bit which is the burden of every song sung by our President!
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Trump doesn’t actually know that many songs, or maybe he only does his greatest hits: My Inauguration Was The Biggest Ever, Putin And I (No Collusion), Strong Leader Like Me, I Me Mine, My Big Hands, It’s All Obama’s Fault, I’ll Pardon Myself (No Collusion), Grab Her Pussy, and No Collusion (No Collusion).
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Truthful, brilliant and timely all at once.
Well done, X.
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I’m sorry to say it wasn’t just “the entire nation” that watched… Us here from the outside are struggling to figure out wtf happened. We are still hoping Trump will declare it fake news, so we can unsee and unhear it…
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Don’t you know that it’s only fake news when it’s critical of Trump?
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I keep forgetting…
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LOL. Somewhere, I believe poor Merrick Garland is actually whispering that comment.
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Or maybe he’s yelling it loudly and no one’s paying attention anymore.
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LMAO! Actually that’s probably more likely it.
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The Mike Pence bit is freekin’ dark humor.
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Even those who actually believed Kavanaugh was a choir boy should have been woken up by his performance out there. “I LIKE BEER!” “I only follow the law if it suits me!”, “I keep calendars from the 1980s which proves I”m sane!” I’m so comforted we get him for life.
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