10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Cancelled The Military Strike On Iran

In a related speech, President Trump had indicated how much he cares that Congress is the only branch of government that is constitutionally allowed to declare wars.
Image source: Quora

Last week, the Iranian military shot down an unmanned American surveillance drone worth $220 million dollars over the Persian Gulf, and a few days earlier, several oil tankers have been attacked in the Gulf. In response, President Trump decisively ordered an airstrike against Iranian military targets, then unexpectedly, but just as decisively, aborted the strike a few minutes later (thus also proving that his pro-abortion cred). Here are 10 reasons why Donald Trump called off the airstrike on Iran.

1)  He thought that by cancelling the strike at the last minute he will finally lock down that elusive Nobel Peace prize.

2)  Trump didn’t want to ruin the relationship with a foreign authoritarian government – what if you need to collude with them later?

3)  His bone spurs started acting up.

4)  Trump chose to punish Iran in a different way, specifically, by firing off multiple nasty tweets in ALL CAPS at them.

5)  Trump changed his mind after he was told that the strike would result in 150 deaths, because Trump is tremendously appreciative of the sanctity of human life, unless it’s a life of some migrant toddler in a border detention camp.

6)  Trump decided that it doesn’t make sense to attack Iran now since we’re going to Mars of which Iran is a part of.

7)  The one-two combination of the attack order and the subsequent cancellation was only meant to be a clever ruse to test the loyalty of his appointees, by forcing them to praise both Trump’s wisdom in ordering the attack, and Trump’s wisdom in calling it off.

8)  Iran isn’t the real enemy. It’s not like they going to try impeach Donald Trump.

9)  Trump had previously ordered strikes in Syria and Somalia, and he’s heard something of some “three strikes and you’re out” rule in the Constitution or somewhere.

10)  It’s really hard to press the correct button on his secret “countries to attack” keyboard with his tiny hands.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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15 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Cancelled The Military Strike On Iran

  1. Ankur Mithal says:

    No. 2 can be prophetic.

    Like

  2. Tippy Gnu says:

    All very likely reasons. And maybe also, he learned that the Ayatollah was good friends with Kim Jong-un, and he didn’t want to upset his pal in NK.

    Like

  3. 11. He got confused and attacked Iraq instead.

    Like

  4. Steve Ruis says:

    Well, when he “pulled out” of the Paris Accord, that didn’t sound manly to me. Neither does “pulling back” unless, of course, it is on John Bolton leash.

    Like

  5. Jim Wheeler says:

    These are excellent, X. I can only think of one other possibility. Some aide suggested that the Secretary of State go to Iran and talk them into a treaty promising them to ease sanctions in return for not developing nukes for 10 years. They could call it the “Trump Treaty.” Has a nice ring to it.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      That could be it. And then Trump would argue that since it’s a 10 year treaty named after him, he personally needs to stay in the Oval office for another 10 years to oversee it.

      Like

  6. Alice says:

    I hate to admit that I just heard of this because I was too busy watching the Democrats prove how knowledgeable they are on current events in the debate. D’oh. Also, it had nothing to do with sex, so of course the news didn’t report it.

    Like

  7. rossmurray1 says:

    I just want a nice summer, is that too much to ask?

    Like

  8. Here is another possible explanation:
    When he heard the number 150 as the potential casualties, he said, “Nah… too small.. I will wait for a crowd that is bigger – or more (h)uge”

    Like

  9. The Hook says:

    He needs a custom made keyboard that perfectly suits his baby hands.

    Like

  10. Because he is a moron?

    Like

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