10 New Exciting Features of Twitter After It Is Bought By Elon Musk

This week, Twitter had accepted Elon Musk’s offer to buy the company for $44 billion, because, apparently, freedom of speech isn’t free, and the best way to preserve the public’s freedom of speech is to put it under complete control of one private individual. Here are 10 brand-new features of Twitter we should expect thanks to Elon Musk’s buying the company.

1) When you edit your Twitter profile settings and make a mistake, there will not be a Cancel button, because Elon Musk is against the “cancel culture”

2) From now on, “they’re”, “there”, “their” can officially be used interchangeably on Twitter.

3) Phones with Elon Musk’s Twitter installed will only be able to charge they’re phones at Tesla’s Supercharger stations.

4) Twitter community standards will be removed for violating Elon Musk’s standards.

5) Maximum length of tweets will now be 420 characters, in reference to Musk’s favorite pot-related number.

6) Premium Twitter users will be able to utilize the Autopost feature (for only $249.99/month) that would automatically generate and post inane or outraged tweets. For safety reasons, the user would still need to physically hold there phone in they’re hand.

7) Elon Musk is planning to use his SpaceX program to integrate users from Mars, Saturn, and other planets. (Elon Musk’s PR release put special emphasis on Uranus.)

8) The entire system of following others will be scrapped and all followers of every account will be removed, because making people read only specific accounts goes against the spirit for free speech.

9) With expected return of Donald Trump to Twitter, every right-wing social media Twitter wannabe will go bankrupt.

10) There will finally be the “Edit” button. This button will allow Elon Musk to edit any of your tweets to make them about poop, pot, or boobs.

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to 10 New Exciting Features of Twitter After It Is Bought By Elon Musk

  1. Ankur Mithal says:

    Like Tesla autonomous cars, your Twitter will drive itself.

    Like

  2. Jim Wheeler says:

    Back in the old days it was hard not to read comments on the walls of public toilets. Things have improved now because if I don’t get the Twitter app, I don’t have to read the stuff.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I just realized that it’s been years sice I’ve seen comments on the walls of public restrooms. Either I need to get out more, or today’s public restrooms have excellent moderators.

      Like

  3. Douglas E says:

    And the only ads allowed will be for Musk Fragrance products.

    Like

  4. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    This is perfect … being facetious!! … “Here are 10 brand-new features of Twitter we should expect thanks to Elon Musk’s buying the company.”

    Like

I can see you have something to say...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s