10 Reactions To The End Of NYPD’s Stop and Frisk Policy

TSA Security Checkpoint

In compliance with the court order, the NYPD officers will no longer stop and search people by hand.  Instead, they make people go through the X-Ray scanners. (Photo credit: billypalooza)

Last week, a federal judge ruled that NYPD’s practice of stopping and frisking anyone who looks suspicious is unconstitutional.  (“Looks suspicious” is generally defined by NYPD as “looks male and black/Latino”).  New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg criticized the judge Shira Scheindlin as “some woman who knows zero about cops” and promised to appeal her decision, and NYPD Commissioner Raymond Kelly had said that if Stop and Frisk policy ends, more people will die.  Here are 10 other reactions to the end of the Stop and Frisk practice.

1)  Preet Bharara, U.S. Attorney:  Since New York City Police Commissioner Raymond Kelly had insinuated that more people will die unless NYPD is allowed to continue Stop and Frisk, our office has opened an investigation into possible blackmail.

2)  Seth O’Donovan, recent police academy graduate:  “I’m really bummed about that.  I’ve been hoping to work in airport security in the future, and I really needed that frisking experience on my resume.”

3)  Peter King, Republican Congressman from New York:  I think NYPD has been relying on Stop and Frisk way too much.  Everyone knows that more guns is the answer to violence.  Therefore, Stop and Frisk would work best when it’s balanced with less gun regulations – so that white people will carry guns, and black people will be stopped and frisked.

4)  Ray Kelly, NYPD Commissioner: “We were concerned with safety of African Americans, and Stop and Frisk policy had been primarily designed for their own safety.  I mean, if we’re frisking a guy, shouldn’t he feel 100% safe when he’s physically in our hands?”

5)  Anthony Weiner, former Congressman/Mayoral candidate:  “I’ll be very happy when this practice is over.  More times than I care to remember, NYPD officers have stopped me because of a “suspicious” bulge in my pants and went in for a search.  I am tired of having to explain that the thing in my pants is not a gun, even if I had used it to kill my political career.”

6)  John Beirne, NYPD Employee Benefits Deputy Commissioner:  “Actually, we welcome the end of the Stop and Frisk policy. The health insurance company covering the police department had already raised premiums several times to pay for the treatment of permanent blisters on the officers’ hands due to their constant rubbing all over the suspects’ clothing.”

7)  Floyd Feinblank, Wall Street investment banker:  “I foresee that this decision will lower the stock price of NYPD.  But it’s still a good investment in case Occupy Wall Street starts bothering us again.”

8)  Michael Bloomberg, New York Mayor: “I am outraged by this decision!  If anything, we don’t frisk black people enough! There is a high crime rate among the African American community, with the most common crimes being walking while black, driving while black, and trafficking Skittles and ice tea!”

9)  Don Dickins, constitutional rights lawyer: “I make 80%-90% of my income on suits against NYPD for their civil rights violations – how am I going to pay my bills now?  I can only hope that NYPD will find some other ways to violate people’s rights and keep me in business.”

10)  Barack Obama, US President:  “Oh good, I can finally visit New York City now.”

Advertisements

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

29 Responses to 10 Reactions To The End Of NYPD’s Stop and Frisk Policy

  1. Jueseppi B. says:

    Reblogged this on The ObamaCrat™.

    Like

  2. lexborgia says:

    Weiner all the way – that man packs a wallop.

    Like

  3. The judge, who presided over the nine-week trial without a jury, ruled that the effectiveness of “stop and frisk” was irrelevant.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Yes, that’s kind of why we have the Constitution. The police would be much more effective if they did not have to worry about warrants and were able to search anyone and anywhere, and enter any house at any time.

      Like

  4. Laura says:

    Bloomberg really is a class act, isn’t he?

    Like

  5. No Big Gulps, no patting down anyone you please, no more A-Rod? NYC is losing it’s luster!

    Like

  6. Hey man, I stop and frisk myself twice a day whether I need it or not… because you can’t be to careful.

    Like

  7. bernasvibe says:

    Bloomberg’s comment IRKS the heck out of me..How much education must a woman get before she’s shown some R E S P E C T..Jeeez I could go on & on about gender bias in our country; but thats deep enough for its very own blog spotlight..Cute & informative as always.. Write ON

    Like

    • List of X says:

      According to Bloomberg, “some woman’s” experience and education don’t matter as long as she disagrees with King Michael. And, by the way, that judge is a former federal prosecutor, so she knows more about cops than the Mayor.

      Like

      • bernasvibe says:

        Excuse this comment because surely it will reveal my proudness, which can be misinterpreted as predujice of being a woman myself..But I had NO doubt, even without you giving me that tidbit of insight, that she had more knowledge about cops than the Major..Call me crazy but just felt it in my bones..A pretty good dang vibe. Bloomberg’s comment stinks! Even on a good day it sticks..Sure hope his female constiuents out there are paying attention..

        Like

  8. Pingback: Stop and Frisk…a Very Slippery Slope… | Joe Refano's BIG MOUTH

  9. Pingback: A message of empathy to the far right | John Cashon's Musings

  10. I don’t know what I love more…Wiener, is that supposed to be capitalized? Is it Oskar? Oscar? Wiener?

    Bloomberg, what a douche I can’t believe you didn’t go find something he actually said rather than make something up.

    Like

  11. pegoleg says:

    #5 and #9. Giggle, giggle, snort!

    Like

  12. The lawsuit had been brought by two New York City residents – Clive Lino and Daryl Khan – who had been stopped and frisked by police officers but were cleared of any wrongdoing.

    Like

  13. Pingback: Conectatelatino | Latino Growth In NYPD Soars

I can see you have something to say...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s