This week, Twitter had accepted Elon Musk’s offer to buy the company for $44 billion, because, apparently, freedom of speech isn’t free, and the best way to preserve the public’s freedom of speech is to put it under complete control of one private individual. Here are 10 brand-new features of Twitter we should expect thanks to Elon Musk’s buying the company.
1) When you edit your Twitter profile settings and make a mistake, there will not be a Cancel button, because Elon Musk is against the “cancel culture”
2) From now on, “they’re”, “there”, “their” can officially be used interchangeably on Twitter.
3) Phones with Elon Musk’s Twitter installed will only be able to charge they’re phones at Tesla’s Supercharger stations.
4) Twitter community standards will be removed for violating Elon Musk’s standards.
5) Maximum length of tweets will now be 420 characters, in reference to Musk’s favorite pot-related number.
6) Premium Twitter users will be able to utilize the Autopost feature (for only $249.99/month) that would automatically generate and post inane or outraged tweets. For safety reasons, the user would still need to physically hold there phone in they’re hand.
7) Elon Musk is planning to use his SpaceX program to integrate users from Mars, Saturn, and other planets. (Elon Musk’s PR release put special emphasis on Uranus.)
8) The entire system of following others will be scrapped and all followers of every account will be removed, because making people read only specific accounts goes against the spirit for free speech.
9) With expected return of Donald Trump to Twitter, every right-wing social media Twitter wannabe will go bankrupt.
10) There will finally be the “Edit” button. This button will allow Elon Musk to edit any of your tweets to make them about poop, pot, or boobs.