10 Reasons Why Republicans Are Unable To Elect Speaker Of The House

As few of us may remember, among all the mockery of the supposed “red wave” and celebrations of a historically… umm, not too terrible midterm election for the Democratic party in power, the Republicans did manage to win the control of the House of Representatives in the 2022 midterm election. What the Republicans have not managed, however, is to actually elect a new Speaker of the House, since the Republican majority leader Kevin McCarthy, who was widely expected to become the new speaker, has already lost 8 9 10 11 speaker elections in the last three days so far (and might be in the process of losing yet another vote while you are reading this), mainly because a group of about 20 uber-conservative Republican representatives refuses to vote for McCarthy. In fact, McCarthy keeps coming second after the Democrats’ nominee Hakeem Jeffries. Here are 10 real reasons why the Republicans still can’t elect a new speaker.

Still-not-Speaker-of-the-House Kevin McCarthy trying to remember how many elections he has already lost this morning

1) This is all a part of a genius Republican plan to completely block Joe Biden’s communist agenda in the House of Representatives by holding nothing but speaker election votes until 2025.

2) The Republicans are waiting for mail-in votes from Mar-a-Lago to be counted.

3) The conservative holdouts are demanding too many concessions from McCarthy, such as committee assignments, free pizza for life, McCarthy’s first-born son, and, as specifically requested by Matt Gaetz, a first-born daughter.

4) Republicans ran on a promise of adding manufacturing jobs and can already brag about creating over 200 jobs in crisis manufacturing

5) Kevin McCarthy is still in talks with his lawyers over his plan to question the validity of the speaker election and declare himself the winner.

6) The Republicans are counting on the Democrats soon declaring that math racist so that winners of all future elections are longer going be determined by the racist math but by whichever group yells the loudest.

7) To Republicans, it doesn’t matter if their guy keeps losing, just as long as the black guy isn’t winning.

8) The Republicans are hoping that the country will eventually tire of all this incessant voting, and democracy in general, and will accept whoever first breaks into the Capitol and grabs a speaker’s podium, so instead of wasting time on rounding up the votes, McCarty is doing hours of training in wall climbing, sprinting, and breaking and entering.

9) Most Republicans voting against McCarthy belong to the Freedom Caucus, and to them “freedom” means freedom from having some guy telling them to vote for things, and, like, show up to work and stuff.

10) Republicans secretly wish Nancy Pelosi was back as the Speaker, just so they could continue to blame her for everything.

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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13 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Republicans Are Unable To Elect Speaker Of The House

  1. Twindaddy says:

    Oy…what a shitshow.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. kingmidget says:

    #10 might be too realistic for your list. There is something to be said for some people being genetically predisposed to being in the minority. They legitimately don’t know how to act when they’re in the majority.

    Like

  3. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    The ‘genius Repuglicans have plans!! … “Qevin has already lost 8 9 10 11 speaker elections in the last three days so far (and might be in the process of losing yet another vote while you are reading this), mainly because a group of about 20 uber-conservative Republican representatives refuses to vote for McCarthy. In fact, McCarthy keeps coming second after the Democrats’ nominee Hakeem Jeffries.”

    Like

  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    I used to think a political party was an organization loosely united around policy concepts. The only policies remaining in the God-awful Odd Party seem to be “Death to Democrats” and “I’ve got mine and you’re on your own.”

    Like

  5. Ankur Mithal says:

    Like all political parties, the Republicans have some underlying core values and principals. Like all political parties, let us hope some day they find out what they are.

    Like

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