List of X

Fidel Castro, the most famous Communist dictator of Latin America, or, as some Americans called him, “the Mexican Obama”

Fidel Castro, who led Cuba for almost five decades, had died at the age 90 last Friday. The reaction to his death ranged from eulogies praising him as a legendary revolutionary to mass celebrations in Miami. Here are 10 more reactions to Fidel Castro’s death.

1)  Marco Rubio: “Fidel Castro, a ruthless dictator who survived 600 assassination attempts, did not survive the fifty six years of American trade embargo. This clearly proves that our embargo works as intended, and we should not end it. Instead, we can keep the embargo going for another fifty-six years to make sure Raul Castro dies, too.”

2)  Jill Stein, presidential candidate, Green Party: “First of all, I want to thank my supporters for donating over six million dollars to perform an independent recount of the votes in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania to make sure the votes were counted correctly. And second, I am asking you to donate another six million dollars to perform an independent autopsy to make sure that Fidel Castro is really dead.”

3)  Donald Trump: “He was a brutal dictator, he had full control of the media, he ruled with an iron fist, and he had isolated his country from the rest of the world. He was a great inspiration, I gotta say. But I could do so much better than that, and once I’m president, I’ll make him look such a loser!”

4)  Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump’s spokesperson: “No, Trump absolutely did not call Fidel Castro a great inspiration. You’re just taking his words out of context. President-elect Trump said he’ll do so much better than Fidel Castro… Yes, we will be taking away Mr. Trump’s Twitter access.”

5)  Bernie Sanders, Democratic Senator: “Fidel Castro deserves the credit for creating a universal health care system in Cuba which is the best healthcare system in the world: while American life expectancy is under 79 years, a Cuban can survive 600 assassination attempts and a lifetime of smoking and still live to 90.”

6)  Jonathan Gruber, architect of Obamacare: “Although Cuba did set up universal health care unlike the United State, it’s much easier to offer universal coverage after a significant portion of the population was either executed or fled the country.”

7)  Danny Ellison, Trump supporter: “I’m so excited about to Donald Trump presidency – look, he isn’t even officially president yet, but Dow Jones index hit a record high and Fidel Castro is dead. That’s way more than Obama did in eight years!”

8)  Hillary Clinton: “Fidel Castro was a dictator, but we should at least recognize that in every election since 1959, Fidel Castro overwhelmingly won the popular vote and yet didn’t somehow lose the election thanks to some outdated anti-democratic institution like Electoral College.”

9)  Ted Cruz, Republican Senator: “I don’t understand why would anyone mourn Fidel Castro. You have to remember, he tortured people in Cuba, and it’s just not something we do here in America. Thankfully, our Guantanamo base is still open, and America can still torture people in Cuba.”

10)  Barack Obama: “At this time of Fidel Castro’s passing, we extend our hand of friendship to the Cuban people, so that we could turn them around and gently send them back to Cuba. Because now that Fidel Castro is dead, and Donald Trump is set to become the next American president in less than two months, perhaps Cubans should reconsider whether escaping to America is still such a great idea.”