Yesterday, the trial of former Minneapolis police office Derek Chauvin, charged with murder and manslaughter in the death of George Floyd, ended with the jury finding Chauvin guilty on all counts. The decision was followed with a predictable outrage from the Blue Lives Matter/MAGA crowd, that made a lot of predictably similar comments all over Facebook and other social media. To simplify and streamline the expressions of outrage, I have created an easy-to-use 10-point outrage expression template that anybody can use by simply checking all applicable boxes.
I, (insert name), as a true American patriot, would like to express my outrage about the verdict that unjustly found former Officer Derek Chauvin guilty for killing the notorious criminal George Floyd, because…
1) I believe George Floyd was actually killed not by Officer Chauvin but by
□ Drug overdose □ Hypertension □ Covid-19 (even though it’s a liberal hoax) □ Jewish Space Lasers
2) I believe that Blue Lives Matter
□ Always □ Unless they tell me to wear a mask □ Except in that Avatar movie
3) I believe a police officer should have an unquestionable right to defend himself from
□ Criminals □ Black people □ Handcuffed people lying on their stomach
4) I can easily prove that it is impossible to kill a healthy person with a knee placed on the neck by placing
□ A 10 lb weight plate on a back □ A hotdog on a bun □ A nasty comment on a Facebook post
5) Actually, I am willing to go as far as to place my own neck for 9 minutes 29 seconds under a knee of
□ A BLM member □ An Antifa member □ My Mom □ My cat
6) I have arrived at my conclusion by carefully reviewing all the evidence presented by
□ Fox News □ Guy on Facebook □ A very convincing voice in my head □ My cat
7) I am able to determine the innocence or guilt of a person just by looking at a photo and judging by
□ Type of uniform □ Skin color □ Position on the ground
8) I am confident that the jurors only found Officer Chauvin guilty because they were afraid of
□ BLM □ Joe Biden’s dog □ Dr. Fauci □ Jewish space lasers
9) Instead of punishing Officer Chauvin, we should realize that the fault lies solely with
□ Barack Obama □ Green New Deal □ My cat □ Dr. Fauci
10) I believe this unjust verdict will inevitably lead to
□ Criminals destroying America □ Massive riots destroying America □ Socialism destroying America □ Joe Biden’s dog destroying my cat and America with Jewish space lasers
List of X 
Although the subject is serious, this made me laugh — hard — especially the part about Avatar.
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I don’t understand how anyone could think that a bunch of blue-faced tree hugging stone age hippie savages standing in the way of a job-creating American private enterprise were made into the good guys.
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Creditable a case of such sensitivity can be brought to the verdict stage. In many places around the world witnesses tend to have a memory gap for that period or seem to mysteriously die off one after the other.
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America doesn’t really have that problem with witnesses disappearing or getting a memory problem at a police misconduct trial – cops are acquitted so often that they don’t even bother with witness intimidation.
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On #10 you left our “soaring national debt” and “inflation.”
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Isn’t that what socialism is supposed to be for?
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Dang I’m really glad I don’t have a cat.
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Bottom line – it happened!! … “an easy-to-use 10-point outrage expression template that anybody can use by simply checking all applicable boxes.”
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Well, duh! It’s obviously all Obama’s fault!
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Sorry it took me so long to respond. Well, not sorry, that was all Obama’s fault.
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Holy F#@$ this might be your most cutting post ever. How can you be so funny, thought-provoking and dark and deep at the same time???
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Aw, thank you. But I honestly have no answer to this question.
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I have no answers to any questions.
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Pardon my tardiness. So anyway….cats have knees?
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Pardon my tardiness, I’m not an expert in feline anatomy, my Facebook expert degree was a double immunology/police brutality major.
So I’m just going to correct to “whatever part that’s between the warm and fuzzy belly and the lethal claws of murder”
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