10 Point Template For Expressing Outrage About Derek Chauvin Verdict

Yesterday, the trial of former Minneapolis police office Derek Chauvin, charged with murder and manslaughter in the death of George Floyd, ended with the jury finding Chauvin guilty on all counts. The decision was followed with a predictable outrage from the Blue Lives Matter/MAGA crowd, that made a lot of predictably similar comments all over Facebook and other social media. To simplify and streamline the expressions of outrage, I have created an easy-to-use 10-point outrage expression template that anybody can use by simply checking all applicable boxes.

I, (insert name), as a true American patriot, would like to express my outrage about the verdict that unjustly found former Officer Derek Chauvin guilty for killing the notorious criminal George Floyd, because…

1)   I believe George Floyd was actually killed not by Officer Chauvin but by

           □ Drug overdose     Hypertension     Covid-19 (even though it’s a liberal hoax)          Jewish Space Lasers 

2)   I believe that Blue Lives Matter

           □ Always     Unless they tell me to wear a mask      Except in that Avatar movie  

3)  I believe a police officer should have an unquestionable right to defend himself from

          □ Criminals     Black people     Handcuffed people lying on their stomach 

4)  I can easily prove that it is impossible to kill a healthy person with a knee placed on the neck by placing

          □ A 10 lb weight plate on a back     A hotdog on a bun   A nasty comment on a Facebook post

5)  Actually, I am willing to go as far as to place my own neck for 9 minutes 29 seconds under a knee of 

          □ A BLM member    An Antifa member      My Mom      My cat 

6)  I have arrived at my conclusion by carefully reviewing all the evidence presented by

         Fox News     Guy on Facebook     A very convincing voice in my head     My cat 

7)  I am able to determine the innocence or guilt of a person just by looking at a photo and judging by

        Type of uniform     Skin color     Position on the ground 

8)  I am confident that the jurors only found Officer Chauvin guilty because they were afraid of

          □ BLM      Joe Biden’s dog     Dr. Fauci      Jewish space lasers   

9)  Instead of punishing Officer Chauvin, we should realize that the fault lies solely with

          □ Barack Obama     Green New Deal      My cat       Dr. Fauci 

10)  I believe this unjust verdict will inevitably lead to

         □ Criminals destroying America        Massive riots destroying America       Socialism destroying America      Joe Biden’s dog destroying my cat and America with Jewish space lasers   

 

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to 10 Point Template For Expressing Outrage About Derek Chauvin Verdict

  1. Xena says:

    Although the subject is serious, this made me laugh — hard — especially the part about Avatar.

    Liked by 2 people

    • List of X says:

      I don’t understand how anyone could think that a bunch of blue-faced tree hugging stone age hippie savages standing in the way of a job-creating American private enterprise were made into the good guys.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Ankur Mithal says:

    Creditable a case of such sensitivity can be brought to the verdict stage. In many places around the world witnesses tend to have a memory gap for that period or seem to mysteriously die off one after the other.

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      America doesn’t really have that problem with witnesses disappearing or getting a memory problem at a police misconduct trial – cops are acquitted so often that they don’t even bother with witness intimidation.

      Like

  3. Steve Ruis says:

    On #10 you left our “soaring national debt” and “inflation.”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Go Jules Go says:

    Dang I’m really glad I don’t have a cat.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:

    Bottom line – it happened!! … “an easy-to-use 10-point outrage expression template that anybody can use by simply checking all applicable boxes.”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jim Wheeler says:

    Well, duh! It’s obviously all Obama’s fault!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Holy F#@$ this might be your most cutting post ever. How can you be so funny, thought-provoking and dark and deep at the same time???

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Pardon my tardiness. So anyway….cats have knees?

    Like

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