Last week there was a surprise major announcement from former president Donald J Trump. Many people were upset that the “major announcement” turned out to be merely an ad for Trump-branded digital trading cards (also known as “NFT’s for those born after 1970, or “those newfangled electric abacus photographic thingamajigs” for those born before 1930). Those people are wrong and are traitors to America: here are 10 fund facts about these tremendously exciting cards, maybe in the history of ever.

1) The cards are non-fungible, meaning that Trump says they are real, yet they don’t actually exist in any perceptible form, kind of like Trump’s border wall, or Trump’s economic growth, or a value of a Trump University diploma.

2) The card price of $99 may seem steep, but it is all Joe Biden’s fault for making everything so expensive for the average Americans.

3) The set includes fun cards such as a Race Card (only comes in white) and a Get Out Of Jail card. (Since it’s a non-fungible card, it won’t actually stop you from going to a very fungible jail.)

4) Speaking of jails, certain eligible prisoners get a special low price of $98.99, just use a discount code JANUARY6!

5) These cards can function as a real cryptocurrency: you can sell it for more than you paid for it if you find someone dumber than you.

6) You can play so many games with these cards and have so much winning, so much winning, you’ll be tired of all this winning! The rules are simple, you play any game, and at the end just declare that you’ve won! If your opponent say no you didn’t, just say the results are invalid because of Hugo Chavez and Joe Biden and Dominion and mail-in voter fraud.

7) The cards are especially attractive to left-leaning investors since they could be sure that not a single dollar made from the sale of the cards would ever benefit any Republican election campaign.

8) The cards are 100% protected from a hack or theft because no one in their right mind would ever want to steal them.

9) For extra $199, you can buy paper versions of the cards printed on the paper made out of recycled classified documents! You can still read some Top Secret stuff on the back!

10) The cards show Donald Trump at various important points of his career: paying a porn star for sex, instigating an insurrection, grabbing a woman by the pussy as an astronaut, a cowboy, and a superhero.

If you are now interested in owning one of these cards, sadly, all the cards have sold out and you can’t buy them anymore from Trump. However, if you still want your own 100% original and genuine Trump trading card, right-click on the image on this post, click on Save Image, and then Venmo me $99.00 + $17.99 for shipping and handling.