10 Terrific Things To Expect At Donald Trump’s Big League Inauguration

Donald Trump will Make Inauguration Great Again! Image source: National Review

Donald Trump will Make Inauguration Great Again!
Image source: National Review

This Friday, January 20th, will be the day of Donald Trump’s inauguration as the 45th president of the United States of America, making this Friday the worst start of the weekend EVER for millions of people. However, the Inauguration is traditionally a grand affair, made ten billion times grander by the fact that Donald Trump is the one being inaugurated, not some elitist who knows how the government works. Here are 10 things to expect from Donald Trump’s inauguration day.

1)  The ceremony traditionally begins with the President-Elect and Vice President-Elect laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknowns at the Arlington Cemetery. Donald Trump is expected to follow the tradition, but then make a speech about how he thinks that these unknowns were total losers and he prefers those who had become famous.

2)  Like all presidents before him, Donald Trump will take the Oath of Office, but is expected to change the oath language to the following: “Believe me, I will be the best president this country ever had, will unify all Americans who voted for me – and we’re gonna build that wall, believe me – and I will faithfully execute all my enemies whom I love, by the way.  I swear that with the best of my ability – and I have the best ability, many people say – I will preserve, protect and defend myself from the Constitution of the United States, so help you God.”

3)  To take the oath, Donald Trump will place his hand on the copy of the Art of the Deal by Donald Trump.

4)  Within 10 minutes after taking the oath, Donald Trump will deny he ever took an oath of any kind.

5)  All the proceedings of the inauguration ceremony will be translated into Russian out of gratitude to the Russian government that had not been helping Donald Trump in any way whatsoever.

6)  Tons of very popular international celebrities will perform at the inauguration, including members of Donald Trump family, a bunch of singing Mormons, and that guy from that old TV show – you know, THAT guy! Tons of best known celebrities! Did I mention that guy from that TV show? He’ll be there!

7)  The public celebration on the National Mall is expected to set a Guinness world record for the largest public gathering of racists, sexists, and idiots at the same place at the same time.

8)  During the inauguration ball, Donald Trump will attempt to grab a… a quick dance with any woman around who is at least a nine, including the future First Lady Ivanka Trump and the future Third Lady Melania Trump.

9)  Almost 50 Democratic lawmakers will boycott Donald Trump’s inauguration, probably to mark the selfless heroism of millions of Democrats who boycotted the November election.

10)  In his first official act as the new president, Donald Trump will announce that to avoid any potential conflicts of interest he will transfer his ownership of the United States into a blind trust managed by Vladimir Putin.

 

 

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

53 Responses to 10 Terrific Things To Expect At Donald Trump’s Big League Inauguration

  1. All of that seems so plausible…..and people think 2016 was a bad year. We ain’t seen nothin’ yet!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Do you think Donald Trump is shitting his pants over all this? I do. Do you know who’s happy? George Bush. After tomorrow, he’ll no longer be the worst president ever.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tippy Gnu says:

    I won’t be aware of what’s happening at the inauguration. On January 20th, 2017, I will enter a bomb shelter, and remain there for the next four to eight years.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    In this bizarro world, where up is down & down is up, this would be totally possible!

    Like

  5. All of this. Shared with coworkers.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Carrie Rubin says:

    I think I may just pull the covers over my head tomorrow morning and stay cocooned in bed until Saturday. Or maybe just pour myself lots of stiff drinks. Or both.

    Like

  7. Jim Wheeler says:

    Hey, wait just a darn minute X. I thought this blog was supposed to be satire. No. 10, the one about Putin, might be, but 1. through 9 are pretty much on target. I know for sure that the one about Democrats boycotting the election is as true as the sun coming up in the East. (It does, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it? I’m not so sure anymore.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      The sun does come up in the East, for now, but Trump voters voted for change and the end to the business as usual, so some changes are possible. It is insulting to all of us in America that Iran, North Korea and China get the sun before America does.

      Like

  8. I love No:9. As a corollary, all the Dems who avoided voting in November should be compelled to attend the inauguration and the other ‘tremendous’ events to follow!

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      I think it would be legally and logistically difficult to force these Dems to attend the inauguration, so they just have to live with the idea that they had helped organize this inauguration.

      Like

  9. john zande says:

    Tremendous! Tremendously bigly

    Like

  10. rossmurray1 says:

    God help you all. (Sharing this.)

    Like

  11. I just want to make a point that is a slight change of subject. Steve Bannon, in his interview with the Hollywood Reporter, saw his role in the White House, as Thomas Cromwell to Henry VIII. Thomas Cromwell may have wheeled and dealed, but he ended up beheaded after he screwed up Henry’s marriage with Anne of Cleves. Something to think about.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      After doing some Wikipedia digging, I’ve learned that Anne of Cleves was Henry’s fourth wife, and King Trump currently has his third. So maybe Bannon better make sure that Trump doesn’t think of marrying someone else.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. pegoleg says:

    #7 for sure. And quite a few of those assholes will be there to support the president-elect.

    Like

  13. E says:

    it started clever and witty but ended bitter and dull

    Like

  14. Elyse says:

    Crying into my coffee this morning. Should have started with beer.

    Like

  15. Do you know the one thing I like about Donald Trump?



    No, me neither.

    Like

  16. aFrankAngle says:

    LOL … well done (as always). For me, #4 got the biggest cheer.

    Like

  17. I’ve always considered it a travesty that the tomb of the unknown soldier celebrates anonymity in a country so addicted to celebrity.

    Like

  18. Once again, you are spot on, but even the delicious humor has a bad aftertaste of truth.

    Like

  19. Oh, so funny and so perfect. My daughter is a sophomore in high school and was forced to watch coverage of the inauguration by Fox News of all stations, to add insult to injury. They made frequent comments about how Hillary must be feeling since she was so totally demolished. I’m thinking if she has brains at all she should be thankful it’s not her up there. I can see it – Trump fans rolling around in tanks. It would probably be like one of those post-Apocalyptic movies. But since Trump won, they only brought their high powered machine guns, and Democrats started protesting roughly 3 months too late.

    Anyway, she was happy to announce that in his ten minute speech Donald did pretty well. “He didn’t use great once, Mom! His vocabulary is improving,” she said. Way to go, Donald.

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      Yeah, if Clinton won and there was even half the evidence of Russian involvement in her victory compared to the evidence going around in Trump’s case, we’d probably have a full scale civil war by now.

      Like

  20. Scott Erb says:

    Number 9 is painful.

    Like

  21. The Hook says:

    When it comes to Donny.. expect the unexpected.
    This was no exception.

    Like

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