10 Etiquette Rules For Sasha And Malia Obama

"Omigawd, can he pardon that stupid bird already!" Image source: Dailymail

“Omigawd, can he pardon that stupid bird already?”
Image source: Dailymail

This Thanksgiving weekend, President Obama has pardoned a turkey in a traditional ceremony. However, it wasn’t the President or the turkey who attracted the most attention, but the President’s daughters, Sasha, 13, and Malia, 16, who were visibly frowning and fidgeting throughout the entire televised ceremony. In fact, one Republican political staffer became so incensed by Sasha and Malia’s demeanor and clothing choices, that she posted an angry Facebook rant chastising their behavior and appearance, was immediately criticized for it, apologized, and finally resigned from her job. (So thanks a lot, Sasha and Malia, for piling on even more American job losses). And since the First Daughters would have to face TV cameras many more times in the future, here are 10 new etiquette rules Sasha and Malia must follow to avert any possible Republican outrage about their disrespectful and un-American attitude and attire.

1)  While present at any official functions, you must never act as if you’re bored. Instead, you must always show that you’re outraged by your father’s tyrannical actions. This should not be hard since this is a normal teenager behavior.

2)  You must always wear clothing as modest and non-revealing as possible. A burqa or a niqab would be a good start.

3)  You must always wear an American flag pin to demonstrate your allegiance to the nation. And since this pin might not be visible when you turn away, you must wear another American flag pin on your back, and two more on your shoulders.

4)  You should never stay out too late, and always be home on time. This is one rule you are not taking seriously at all, because you two, and all of your family were supposed to have been back to your home in Chicago by 2012 at the latest.

5)  Do not ever throw temper tantrums. That’s what Congressional Republicans are here for.

6)  No playing on your cell phones, texting, tweeting, or Facebooking while you’re on TV. This is important, because Internet users will notice you tweeting, and will start tweeting about you tweeting, and if you also start tweeting about the Internet tweeting about you tweeting, this would will create an ever-expanding Internet tweetback loop which could bring down the entire Internet.

7)  You should never argue with adults. Always remember, adults are always right and know better than you or your dad.

8)  If you have done anything wrong, you must apologize. However, since apologizing makes America look weak, you will then have to apologize for making America look weak, then apologize for apologizing, and so on.

9)  No one told you to stop apologizing and move on the next advice. Go back to #8, but not before you’re done apologizing for ceasing your apologizing too early.

10)  To represent the “real” America, you should try to look as white as possible, and judging by your recent photos, you’re not trying hard enough.

Advertisements

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

104 Responses to 10 Etiquette Rules For Sasha And Malia Obama

  1. Ankur Mithal says:

    Teenagers who behave like teenagers? Whoever heard of that?? What will America come up with next???

    Like

  2. Maybe they had just learned that he was having the NSA keep tabs on their social lives…

    Like

  3. And this behaviour is so 450 BC – “The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise” quote Socrates

    Like

  4. john zande says:

    A burqa or a niqab would be a good start.

    Perfect!

    Like

  5. Perhaps the Wayans brothers flick “White Chicks” should be required viewing for the girls. Either that, or hanging out more with the Bidens.

    Like

  6. Put on a HAPPY FACE, dammit. I have a 13-year old daughter and take it from me pal, happy faces are hard to come by and years away. He’s lucky they didn’t shout out anything inappropriate.

    Like

  7. #5!!

    I agree with Exile, my son is 12. If he was there, oh my Holy Mood Swing. He’d be slumped over with his hair in his eyes, smirking like crazy and yelling out stuff like “This is so stupid! GAWD! I hate this! I hate turkeys! I hate my life!”

    Like

  8. I think a “I Heart Eric Holder” sign would make a nice addition to these events.

    Like

  9. mhasegawa says:

    #10 is a real zinger and gets to the real heart of the matter. And aren’t teenaged girls supposed to look bored. How many times have they watched their Dad pardon a turkey? It gets old.

    Like

  10. aFrankAngle says:

    Great list loaded with zingers, but something about #7 hit me the most.

    Like

  11. a most excellent post. nice job of skewering of Lauten, et al.

    Like

  12. Ned's Blog says:

    Until you put it in this context, I never stopped to wonder why they didn’t name their first daughter Burqa Obama? Kind of like Barack Obama, but more feminine.

    Like

  13. This is one of your best efforts yet…

    Like

  14. That sounded really dry and clinical, didn’t it. I try not to just always say ‘awesome!!!’… but this really was awesome… and then some…awesomesome…

    Like

  15. My wife was telling me about the incident yesterday. I couldn’t believe someone could be so stupid as to criticize a couple of teenage girls. Great list as always.

    Like

  16. rossmurray1 says:

    They’re both thinking, “Our dad’s the most powerful man in the world and he has to abase himself by pardoning a freakin’ turkey? We are so-o-o-o-o-o embarrassed!”

    Like

  17. Elyse says:

    Brilliant, X. How long before Elizabeth Lauten has her own show on Fox?

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Thank you!
      And I honestly don’t know – she may or she may not, but at some point Fox will have to stop giving a platform to all of these people, because it has to keep at least a few of them as viewers.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    The topic continues to rage …. FIRST DAUGHTERS!!

    Like

  19. Scott says:

    Obviously this Republican staffer has never raised a teenager. All teens have a horrible demeanor and make suspicious fashion choices.

    Like

  20. etomczyk says:

    Excellent! And you know what’s even better: Ms. “Classlessness” herself (Elizabeth Lauten) got fired! Is that schadenfreude on my part? Yes! Yes! Yes! I’ve reared two teenagers and Sasha and Malia were undeserving of this woman’s shaming–not to mention that racist undercurrent line of “dressed to go to a bar,” These people are determined to try and take our President down from every aspect. Now they attack his children who are simply lovely on all accounts. I’m sure Michelle is saying, “Lord, just two more years–help me hang on for two more years!”

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Oh, I’m pretty sure Michelle would have to hang on for at least three-four years more – Barack’s term may end in 2017, but Sasha will still be a 15-year-old teenager then 🙂
      And yes, I did know that Ms. Classlessness is now also Ms. Joblessness. 🙂

      Like

  21. You could have simply dropped all the rest and left it with #10. That is the problem.

    #5, now that is perfect.

    Like

  22. Paul says:

    I’m of two minds about that. Your post is very funny, that’s a given. But you know Obama would know that the media and politicians would tear into his kids – so why did he take them with? I know it was too tempting to show family values and family at Thankgiving but his handlers should have known that teenagers’ natural state is sullen. This looks to me like a failure of advisors and handlers. You want to show teens happy catch them while they’re with friends or playing a sport or such. This looks like a failure to anticipate.

    Of course, once it’s done then the media and politicians are assholes for jumping on it.

    Thanks for the list X – very funny (and kind of sad)

    Like

    • I’m sure it’s expected to bring the presidential brats along – if he hadn’t brought them, someone would be griping about how he DIDN’T bring them and what does he keep them in a closet or something? What a horrible father! It’s a no-win situation. You have to feel the most for those girls. Like Chelsea Clinton, going through your teenage years in the public eye is not fun.

      Like

    • List of X says:

      I guess Obama and his handlers should have guessed that the media could behave like real jerks towards his kids. This wouldn’t be the first time, either. But it’s not fair to blame Barack for the reaction of the media, and it’s not like Barack can keep his kids in a closed room so that they’re never seen in public.
      And also, you never know what really happened – what if the babysitter cancelled at the last minute?

      Like

  23. I LOVE you, X, you know that. As usual I laughed like crazy. Good grief, teens getting tired of being paraded around in front of the public eye? They should try drinking like the Bush twins – that might make it easier to look content.

    Like

  24. The Cutter says:

    Speaking of First Daughters, I once almost spilled a drink on Chelsea Clinton. That is all.

    Like

  25. Gail says:

    Mmmm, wonder if the Republican staffer who was incensed is raising teenagers? Or was once a teenager? Those who live in Republican houses should not throw stones.

    Like

  26. pegoleg says:

    Obviously the snarky commenter has never had teenagers or she would realize that the Obama girls would be freaks of nature if they were NOT surly eye-rollers.

    For the record, I left a brilliant comment here last week, but when I use my #^$&%( “smart” phone, that process only works about half the time. GRrrrrrrr.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Even surly teens are not able to roll their eyes constantly, because at some point they’re going to get dizzy from constant view rotation. It’s possible that Barack was counting on that.

      If your comment went into spam, I unfortunately couldn’t find it – unless it was one of those in Chinese or French.

      Like

      • pegoleg says:

        No, it’s not spam. I just can’t get comments to “stick” sometimes when I try to read and comment on my phone instead of on a land computer. I hit reply, or send or whatever, and I think the job is done but the comment has gone off into the atmosphere.
        I often think my smart phone is deliberately trying to make me look stupid.
        Is that a paranoid comment? Do you think it’s paranoid? You’re looking at me funny, aren’t you? Aren’t you???

        Like

  27. John says:

    11. And if you cannot act white enough ( which requires the services of an authorized licensed southern aristocracy white meter reader to determine) then you must “Act” white which means you must take every precaution against any appearance of being associated with the African/American Culture – – which probably means you have to don “Anonymous” masks and move out of the presidential residence. (John at “My American Times,” – http://myamericantimes.blogspot.in/?m=0).

    Like

  28. EagleAye says:

    You Obama girls should be ashamed. You knew those subtle looks would make some idiot shoot off her mouth and look like a complete fool. I know it’s fun when Republicans look stupid, but it’s not polite to bait simple animals. Now a perfectly good dimwit, blowhard has been forced into retirement. Don’t ever do that again…well, maybe 3 or 4 more times, but that’s IT!

    Like

  29. Love the caption on the picture. This is a quick drive by, so I apologieze if I’m plagiarizing someone else’s comment. Haven’t read them all. This concludes this quick drive by.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Thank you for dropping by and reading the post. And no, you don’t really have to read all the comments – and, actually, you aren’t even legally obligated to read the post itself, so thank you once again. 🙂

      Like

  30. They are the faces of Black Privilege!

    Like

  31. Dang I am the poster boy for bad spelling!

    Like

I can see you have something to say...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s