10 Reasons Why North Korean Internet Broke Down

"Where is my Internet???" "I can't find it..."  "Well, Google it!!"

“Where is my Internet???”
“I can’t find it…”
“Well, Google it!!”

A few days ago, the FBI identified North Korea as the party responsible for hacking and blackmailing Sony Pictures in order to prevent the release of the movie The Interview mocking North Korean leader Kim Jong Un. And this Monday, all of internet in North Korea mysteriously stopped working for 9 hours. The most shocking part of this story is, obviously, the fact that North Korea actually had working internet. Since the United States isn’t taking responsibility for this action, here are 10 other reasons why internet stopped working in North Korea.

1)  Upon hearing the news that Sony won’t be releasing the movie about their beloved Dear Leader, all of dozens North Korean internet users scrambled to download the movie off the internet and overwhelmed the North Korean servers.

2)  North Korea changed their internet provider to Comcast.

3)  The North Korean official responsible for censoring the Internet during those 9 hours had called in sick.

4)  Some guy living in South Korea near the North Korean border changed his WiFi password.

5)  North Korea had blocked pornography and Facebook, only to realize hours later that this was all what their internet was being used for.

6)  Due to the same targeting problem plaguing most of North Korean rocket launches, North Korean hackers accidentally hacked their own country.

7)  North Korea is so far behind the rest of the world technologically, that they just stumbled on Y2K bug this week.

8)  After using the internet to hack into Western countries, North Korean generals ordered their subordinates to scrub the internet with hot water and soap to wash off any capitalist contamination.

9)  Sony Pictures is fighting back by releasing the movie and counter-hacking North Korea. And you know there is hope for all of us, when you see a soulless corporation take on an inhuman dictatorship.

10)  And finally, Kim Jong Un has decided to follow the example of another Kim, but unlike her, actually deliver on her promise:

Kim

P.S. Uh-oh. I think I’m getting hacked next…

P.P.S. Sony is releasing The Interview! Yay! It is now a patriotic duty of every American to watch and pretend to enjoy this movie!

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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44 Responses to 10 Reasons Why North Korean Internet Broke Down

  1. Paul says:

    Loved the border SK changing his WiFi password. Ha! These are really good X. The photoshopped picture of “Kim” is hilarious and I laughed out loud. We all kave Kims in our lives that we have to put up with. And you really think the US would mention it if they were invovled? Ha! Honestly I think all is fair, when you’re attacked. you have the right to attack back. Carry on!

    Like

  2. 1jaded1 says:

    #10 so funny…and disturbing.

    Like

  3. draliman says:

    Heh heh. One of your best yet 🙂

    Like

  4. Since members of the politburo are the only people who have internet access, it went mostly unnoticed. It only interfered with Great and Fearless Leader’s morning log-on to HillbillyBarnyard Sexcapades dot come.

    Like

  5. The guy in South Korea with the wifi is perfect! There was also the chance that someone left one of the house extensions off the hook for nine hours. Happy Holidays X!

    Like

  6. Steve Ruis says:

    This has to be your best effort so far. I’d give it a 10 out of 10!

    Like

  7. Believe me, I hesitated to click “like” and double-hesitated to add this comment. Now, I’m probably on that North Korean hit list. But apparently, I have good company on that list.

    Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays (whichever is appropriate) to you and yours.

    Like

  8. goldfish says:

    Excellent list, but I fear a few of them are a little too close to truth.

    I would like to do my patriotic duty, but even the most fervent jingoism doesn’t give me the slightest desire to see the movie. I shall do my bit to tamp down hostile foreign powers by never watching it.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I’ll probably do my patriotic duty on Netflix, assuming that Netflix is brave enough to carry it. I very rarely feel the urge to pay money to watch a movie just a few months before it’s free on Netflix.

      Like

  9. Sherry says:

    a very good list…and half of them could actually be true!

    Like

  10. pegoleg says:

    You should post a warning before you put up a picture like that. I had to wash my eyes out with acid to remove the image.

    Like

  11. aFrankAngle says:

    I’ve heard it’s not a good movie, so I may wait on other reviews. Love many of these … plus #11 … Al Gore pulled the plug.

    Happy Holidays to you and thanks for the goodness you share with readers through humor!

    Like

  12. I think you could have just done the porn one and called it a day… HA!

    Like

  13. Elyse says:

    My soul feels good that the soul-less corporation took on the inhuman dictatorship. I do wish it would wrap presents for me as well!

    Merry Christmas, seasons Greetings AND Happy Holidays to you!

    Like

  14. mcnorman says:

    A VERY Merry Christmas to you X! Keep me laughing.

    Like

  15. Ankur Mithal says:

    Ha ha! The past invariably catches up, like Y2K did with North Korea. Or would this classify as their future?

    Like

  16. My eyes are bleeding, why did you do that? Laughing down the inside of my leg! Perfect. I agree with Frank though, 11 – it was Al

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I’m apologize, but I just couldn’t pass up a chance to make fun of both Kim Kardashian and Kim Jong Un in the same picture.
      And yes, good thinking about Al – a conspiracy involving the Internet, and I didn’t even think of Al Gore? Shame on me!

      Like

  17. haha! I loved your last line “pretend to enjoy this movie”. I’m going to exercise my freedom to never see it. I’ve won! I’ve beat the hackers!

    Like

    • List of X says:

      There is a clear dilemma with this movie: if you don’t watch the movie, terrorists win. If you pay to watch this movie, Sony wins. So i’ll have to watch it for free on Netflix to make sure they both lose.

      Like

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