10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Is Not Attending Intelligence Briefings

From the very first briefing, Donald Trump was annoyed to find out during the daily intelligence briefings the FBI would provide neither a daily stack of new adoring articles about Donald Trump, nor the information about those who criticizing Trump online and where they live. Image source: poluticususa

During the the very first intelligence briefing, Donald Trump was annoyed to find out that the FBI isn’t planning to provide a daily stack of new adoring articles about Donald Trump, nor the information about those who criticizing Trump online and where they live.
Image source: poluticususa

As all winners of presidential elections before him, Donald Trump gets daily intelligence briefings from the CIA and the FBI. However, according to the news reports, he has been actually attending these daily briefings only about once a week or so. Here are 10 reasons why Donald Trump is skipping most of his intelligence briefings.

1)  Donald Trump doesn’t believe that anyone can possibly have more intelligence than he does.

2)  Donald Trump finds it extremely difficult and frustrating to keep having to enter the access code to the briefing room with his tiny fingers.

3)  Donald Trump doesn’t need daily briefings because he is getting by-the-minute reports from the MPAS (Many People Are Saying).

4)  Donald Trump expects the CIA to send all the briefing materials to his Twitter account – since Donald Trump doesn’t use a private email server like Hillary Clinton did, this method should be considered fully secure.

5)  The intelligence agencies refuse to let Donald Trump’s kids into their security briefings. And since Ivanka, Eric, and Don Junior now run Donald Trump’s empire, they absolutely need to know all the classified information available to Donald Trump to be sure that they aren’t accidentally using any classified information while making business decisions.

6)  Donald Trump doesn’t care what individual Muslim radicals group might be up to because once he’s the president, he’s planning to just nuke all the Muslims anyway.

7)  Donald Trump knows that the best way to avoid accidentally tweeting classified information is to never learn any classified information in the first place.

8)  There is no use in worrying about something terrible that might or might not happen, when it would be so much easier to just blame Obama later for letting it happen.

9)  He doesn’t want to accidentally blurt out his secret plan to defeat ISIS to the CIA during a briefing, fearing that the Obama administration steals his plan, quickly defeats ISIS, and takes all the credit.

10)  He is already getting all his intelligence from the KGB.

 

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

53 Responses to 10 Reasons Why Donald Trump Is Not Attending Intelligence Briefings

  1. Tippy Gnu says:

    The 10th one seems most plausible. Also he can’t read, and he’s afraid the CIA will figure that out if they quiz him on the reports they’ve been sending to him.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. He has a very good brain. What? You don’t believe it? He said so himself during the campaign. Making America great again!

    Trump’s cabinet strategy is to match the federal agency with the person who hates it the most. Clever.

    Like

  3. mhasegawa says:

    I was going to pick #1 as my favorite until I came to #10 which is a winner.

    Like

  4. john zande says:

    As to No. 1 it’s true

    Like

  5. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Imagine that!

    Like

  6. rossmurray1 says:

    Remember when List of X was so obviously and clearly satire? These days, it’s more like, “Hmmm, this could be true.” These are dark days for satirists. (Also: No. 3 is super.)

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Gail says:

    Your satires sits closely with the truth, I’m sure. I hope your next post explains why he won’t do a press conference.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Once again, it is a case of not knowing whether this should make me laugh or cry… but good post.

    Like

  9. Jim Wheeler says:

    DT’s latest tweet: “I think outside the box. Briefings are inside the box. Also in there are books. Waste of time. Next, I think I’ll . . Oh look! A squirrel!”

    Like

  10. paintdigi says:

    Good posts, beautiful blog.
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    Like

  11. The Hook says:

    Trump wants nothing to do with intelligence.
    And vice-versa.

    Like

  12. pegoleg says:

    My poor, pre-Christmas brain has totally run out of clever, so I’ll just lamely say – good stuff here.

    Like

  13. susielindau says:

    This is frightfully good, X. The scariest part is some of it could be true!

    Like

  14. I do like to consider the idea that maybe Trump knows himself well enough to realize he couldn’t keep a secret and would be better off not knowing the secrets in the first place.

    Like

  15. Donald Trump doesn’t like anything that has to do with intelligence, nor does intelligence like anything that has to do with him! Great post, it walked the line between satire and informational writing.

    If you’re interested in politics and foreign affairs, check out my blog at the link below!
    https://braedenpoliticslife.wordpress.com/

    Like

  16. This post is hilarious / terrifying, but the icing on the cake was the google app I have that turns pics of Trump to kittens. I love the kittens at the top of this post.

    Like

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