10 Arrangements In Tremendously Great Deal Donald Trump Made With Carrier To Save Tons Of Jobs

During his tour of a Carrier factory, Donald Trump personally tested a Carrier air conditioner.

During his tour of a Carrier factory, Donald Trump personally tested a Carrier air conditioner.

Last week, Donald Trump has announced that thanks to his amazing deal-making skills he had persuaded Carrier Corporation to change its decision to outsource a thousand jobs from its Indiana plants to Mexico, and keep these jobs in the United States instead. A few days later, Carrier announced that they will be getting $7 million worth of tax breaks from Indiana as the part of the deal and will still outsource (or as they call it, “export”) 1,300 jobs from Indiana to Mexico. Although many people don’t see how all this makes an amazing deal for America, this was obviously a very complicated deal with a lot of moving parts and many stakeholders, and only someone with the yuuge brainpower of Donald Trump could have arranged something as tremendous as this amazing deal. Just so that the rest of us could appreciate the pure deal-making genius that was required, here are 10 lesser-known arrangements that have been included in this amazing deal.

1)  Carrier Corporation will become official supplier of cooling and heating systems to the White House. Therefore, whenever sh!t would hit the fan for the Trump administration, it would be a Carrier fan.

2)  Mexico: After getting 1300 jobs, Mexico made it clear to the Trump administration that if Donald Trump continues to fight the outsourcing of American jobs to Mexico as successfully as in this deal, they might just be willing to pay for that border wall as a sign of gratitude.

3)  All Americans will receive free 950 additional hours of TV coverage of Donald Trump bragging about how amazing he is at everything.

4)  The cast of hit Broadway musical Hamilton: Although recently Donald Trump has placed the Hamilton actors at the top of his enemies list for mortally insulting Vice President-elect Mike Pence by daring to address him from the stage, as a part of the deal Donald Trump will agree to forget his feud with the musical. This arrangement was inserted at the insistence of Donald Trump’s three minute attention span.

5)  State of Indiana: Since outgoing governor Mike Pence and other top Republican leaders of Indiana are big proponents of the idea of a smaller government, they will be $7 milion closer to their dream.

6)  Indiana taxpayers: Although they will have to subsidize Carrier with $7 million in tax breaks, getting rid of Mike Pence has to be worth much more than that.

7)  U.S. Chamber of Commerce: Since Carrier still ends up “exporting” 1300 jobs, they get to claim that Donald Trump is already increasing American exports.

8)  Trump voters: They get a sense of vindication and satisfaction for their vote, because Donald Trump is already making good on his promise to end business as usual. While “business as usual” meant that companies used to simply outsource jobs, now they will be getting millions of dollars to outsource jobs.

9)  1,300 Carrier workers whose jobs were “exported”: Thanks to Donald Trump’s supreme negotiation skills, he immediately negotiated away the idea of executing these people and convinced Carrier to merely let them go to fend for themselves.

10)  United Technologies, a parent organization of Carrier and a major US defense contractor: Received assurances from Donald Trump that he will do everything in his power to steer more military contracts towards United Technologies, up to and including starting a World War III.

 

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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29 Responses to 10 Arrangements In Tremendously Great Deal Donald Trump Made With Carrier To Save Tons Of Jobs

  1. I don’t understand you tagging this as ‘political satire.’ Aren’t these cold, hard facts?

    Like

  2. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    As always … right on ‘target’ …. take a look!!

    Like

  3. Tippy Gnu says:

    Looks like Trump didn’t move those shells around fast enough to escape your notice. Even after you were almost distracted by his amazing flying hair.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    Very good, X. It’s a darn shame that a list of ten won’t fit on a Tweet since that is apparently how 49% of Americans get their information.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Douglas Ed says:

    I am quite certain that many Hoosiers [and Hoosier expats in Colorado] would give a hearty Amen to numbers 5 and 6.

    Like

  6. Elyse says:

    Trump will not only end business as we know it, he might just end the world as we know it.

    Like

  7. speaker7 says:

    It’s an even better deal now that Drumpf is attacking a local union president who dares question his view of “truth”

    Like

  8. aFrankAngle says:

    Instead of a leadoff hitter, #1 was more like a power hitter who just hit a grand slam. … thus it was difficult for the others to live up to it.

    Like

  9. Awesome… except for the part about an enemies list… because one of his evil minions actually said on the news that there is a list… not just of people who insulted him, but even people who just disagree with him.

    Like

  10. Tippy Gnu says:

    Hey X, thanks for the question you submitted in a comment, on Gibber Jabberin last week. We are featuring your question on Gibber Jabberin tomorrow. It will post at 8:00 am Mountain Time. That’s 3:00 pm Coordinated Universal Time (I don’t know which time zone you reside in, so you’ll have to apply your own conversions). Hope to see you tomorrow!

    Like

  11. pegoleg says:

    #2 is purely intentional, surely. Except it may be more of a fence than a wall, and built with wire coils from AC units.

    Like

  12. The Hook says:

    Oh the fun you’re going to have after the Inauguration….

    Like

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