10 Reactions To Fidel Castro’s Death

Fidel Castro the most famous communist dictator of Latin America, or, as some Americans called him, "the Mexican Obama"

Fidel Castro, the most famous Communist dictator of Latin America, or, as some Americans called him, “the Mexican Obama”

Fidel Castro, who led Cuba for almost five decades, had died at the age 90 last Friday. The reaction to his death ranged from eulogies praising him as a legendary revolutionary to mass celebrations in Miami. Here are 10 more reactions to Fidel Castro’s death.

1)  Marco Rubio: “Fidel Castro, a ruthless dictator who survived 600 assassination attempts, did not survive the fifty six years of American trade embargo. This clearly proves that our embargo works as intended, and we should not end it. Instead, we can keep the embargo going for another fifty-six years to make sure Raul Castro dies, too.”

2)  Jill Stein, presidential candidate, Green Party: “First of all, I want to thank my supporters for donating over six million dollars to perform an independent recount of the votes in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania to make sure the votes were counted correctly. And second, I am asking you to donate another six million dollars to perform an independent autopsy to make sure that Fidel Castro is really dead.”

3)  Donald Trump: “He was a brutal dictator, he had full control of the media, he ruled with an iron fist, and he had isolated his country from the rest of the world. He was a great inspiration, I gotta say. But I could do so much better than that, and once I’m president, I’ll make him look such a loser!”

4)  Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump’s spokesperson: “No, Trump absolutely did not call Fidel Castro a great inspiration. You’re just taking his words out of context. President-elect Trump said he’ll do so much better than Fidel Castro… Yes, we will be taking away Mr. Trump’s Twitter access.”

5)  Bernie Sanders, Democratic Senator: “Fidel Castro deserves the credit for creating a universal health care system in Cuba which is the best healthcare system in the world: while American life expectancy is under 79 years, a Cuban can survive 600 assassination attempts and a lifetime of smoking and still live to 90.”

6)  Jonathan Gruber, architect of Obamacare: “Although Cuba did set up universal health care unlike the United State, it’s much easier to offer universal coverage after a significant portion of the population was either executed or fled the country.”

7)  Danny Ellison, Trump supporter: “I’m so excited about to Donald Trump presidency – look, he isn’t even officially president yet, but Dow Jones index hit a record high and Fidel Castro is dead. That’s way more than Obama did in eight years!”

8)  Hillary Clinton: “Fidel Castro was a dictator, but we should at least recognize that in every election since 1959, Fidel Castro overwhelmingly won the popular vote and yet didn’t somehow lose the election thanks to some outdated anti-democratic institution like Electoral College.”

9)  Ted Cruz, Republican Senator: “I don’t understand why would anyone mourn Fidel Castro. You have to remember, he tortured people in Cuba, and it’s just not something we do here in America. Thankfully, our Guantanamo base is still open, and America can still torture people in Cuba.”

10)  Barack Obama: “At this time of Fidel Castro’s passing, we extend our hand of friendship to the Cuban people, so that we could turn them around and gently send them back to Cuba. Because now that Fidel Castro is dead, and Donald Trump is set to become the next American president in less than two months, perhaps Cubans should reconsider whether escaping to America is still such a great idea.”

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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32 Responses to 10 Reactions To Fidel Castro’s Death

  1. Tippy Gnu says:

    Funny stuff, X. I like #3 best. If Trump likes Putin so much, I’m sure he has a soft spot in his heart for Fidel.

    Like

  2. Ankur Mithal says:

    Trump as adversary? Then fall Fidel.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. melfamy says:

    Gary Johnson- “And What is a Castro?”

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    Rudy Giuliani: Castro was a commie, and that’s bad. But he was also a strong law-and-order guy, and that’s good. Evidence: he took stop and frisk to a whole new level. “Hey, hombre, how’d you like a year or so in solitary to to explain yourself?” Crime in Cuba is almost nonexistent (except for escaping, of course)! When I told my friend Donald about this, his eyes really lit up.

    Liked by 1 person

    • List of X says:

      And imagine how much harder Castro’s job was in beating crime, if almost every Cuban is Hispanic, and as Trump well knows, Hispanics are murderers and rapists, and only some are good people.

      Like

  5. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Here are some great thoughts … take a look!!

    Like

  6. john zande says:

    #9 is a keeper 🙂

    Like

  7. Elyse says:

    8, 9 and 10. It doesn’t come any better than that, X.

    Like

  8. EagleAye says:

    Man, this is one of your best one’s yet. Still, I can say numbers three, four, and five…and eight were my faves. All are fantastic, though. I have no doubt that Trump intends to do better than Castro. At least, he’ll try his best to isolate America from the rest of the world. He could probably do it with his tweets alone. Anyway, you gotta admire Castro’s healthcare system. After all that smoking and drinking, he really lived a long time. I doubt our healthcare system can match such effectiveness.

    Like

  9. Man, you crack me up. On a serious note, Fidel is the poster boy for people who revolt against corrupt regimes, win, and then end up being worse than the people they replaced.

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  10. How do I get people to donate $6M to a pointless cause? That’s quite a trick. It’s like a mass brainwashing.

    I saw a great political cartoon that showed Trump raging with a caption that said, “At least Castro lived long enough to see the downfall of the U.S.” Funny, but not really.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Same way you get people to buy lottery tickets – you offer them hope for a little up-front investment, but never stress just how unrealistic that hope is.
      Come to think of it, that was also pretty much the business model of Trump University and maybe a few other Trump businesses.

      Like

  11. The Hook says:

    I know Fidel was shocked more than anyone…

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Working backward as I slide out of exile, I find this and Laugh till I Cry. Can’t pick, they are all so good.

    Like

  13. pegoleg says:

    7)….while his brother, Hillary supporter and probable next head of the Democratic party, Keith Ellison, could not be reached for comment. He was busy attending the annual Israeli flag bonfire at the home of his good buddy, Louis Farrakhan.

    Liked by 1 person

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