“I got all the best people – me, Donald Trump, myself, my hairpiece, also me, Don, Melania’s husband, Donald, Ivanka’s father, that guy who just won the election – all really amazing, tremendous people! I’ll also hire some losers for the other jobs.”
Image source: National Review
Last Tuesday, America elected Donald Trump as our new president, and he has been diligently working to assemble the list of people he wants to nominate for various positions in his cabinet. And since Donald Trump isn’t a regular politician, the people he wants to put in charge of the government won’t be regular politicians either. Here are 10 federal jobs and 10 people Donald Trump is considering for these jobs.
1) Transportation Security Administration: Billy Bush, the co-star of the Trump’s infamous “Grab-em-by-the-p***y” leaked video. In this video, Mr. Bush proved that he would be well-suited for enabling the TSA agents to grab people without their consent.
2) Department of the Interior: Sarah Palin. Not only she prefers to stay in the interior of the country and avoids the liberal coasts of the US, she also took a college course in interior design.
3) Food and Drug Administration: Bill Cosby. A nationally recognized expert in administering drugs with food and drinks. Nomination is pending the Senate approval and the outcome of 7,589 upcoming rape trials.
4) Environmental Protection Agency: Princess Elsa from Frozen. She can stop the global warming without any job-killing regulations. And yes, she is fictional, but according to Donald Trump, so is global warming.
5) Women’s Bureau: Any randomly picked male. The government needs more diversity, and since there are way too many women in this bureau, assigning a male director would improve the gender disparity in the government.
6) Department of Deportation (formerly Immigration and Naturalization Service): To catch and deport illegal immigrants successfully, the head of the department must think like illegal immigrant, act like illegal immigrant, be the illegal immigrant. Which is why this department will be headed by a former illegal immigrant, the First Lady Melania Trump.
7) Department of Defense: John Gotti, mafia boss: Our allies haven’t been paying for our protection, and we’ll need someone to make them pay our due. Because it would be a shame if something bad happened to their nice countries.
8) Press Secretary: A trained parrot named Hanny that can speak four phrases: “Believe me, it’s a disaster”, “Our goal is to make America great again!”, “We have people, best people, and they are looking into this, big league!”, and “I’ll take the next question from the Fox News”.
9) Office for Civil Rights: David Duke, former Ku-Klux-Klan leader. He has proved to be the most knowledgeable about civil rights and is able to identify at least 88 times as many civil rights granted to the minorities than what an average American could ever name. He should be able to cut through the glut of federal civil rights regulations and cut down the excessive civil rights to a more manageable few.
10) Fish and Wildlife Service: Phil Robertson, star of the Duck Dynasty reality show. He knows tons of ways to preserve fish and wildlife: smoking, salting, freezing, pressure canning, dehydration, and so on.
Since there are at least 10,000 various other federal departments, agencies, bureaus, and offices, please feel free to suggest your nominations.
List of X 
I can’t help but feel that Trump’s Hair would make a great director of the department of deportation, after all it is made from the hair of a golden retriever.
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And not just any golden retriever – it was a specially bred 24-karat gold retriever.
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I think trump looks pretty good for a George Hamilton impersonation. Granted it’s nowhere near as handsome as George, but he has the Orange tan down.
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Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
Hey, there are changes a’coming …. take a look!
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Thank you for the reblog! There will definitely be more changes, since there are still thousands of posts that need to be filled by white supremacists, racists, bigots, incompetents, and family members.
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I just can take this anymore … this is beyond a joke anymore! This is the nation’s well-being, self respect and respect from the world!
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For head of Cybersecurity, I suggest Vladimir Putin. It’s a challenging job, but I think most everyone will agree that he can hack it.
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During the interview, Putin promised that we will not have any cybersecurity to worry about… I’m sure it was just an awkward translation and our cybersecurity will be really great!
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For the Department of Education, I submit the TV evangelist Pat Robertson. He would be perfect. He would put churches in charge of packing little noggins with the TRUTH about evolution. Pat could do double duty by praying away hurricanes when they threaten the east coast.
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Or, rather, he’ll pray the hurricanes towards the east coast, because that’s where all the gays and libruls and feminazis are who all need to be punished by God.
But definitely, education will get so much easier when our students will only have one textbook for every subject and every grade from pre-K to 12.
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I started out thinking “This is not funny!” but #7 is hilarious. Hey, England, youse want to be able to use dose kneecaps?” Bada bing, bada boom!
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In my defense, everything about Donald Trump suddenly got a lot less funny last week.
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Not possible, unless you want to put a rotting corpse in office which, come to think of it, might be better than what we’re about to experience.
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Reblogged this on Still Skeptical After All These Years and commented:
Rumors are flying about filling the Trump administration. Here is a great forecast by the great X.
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Thank you for the reblog! And even if I get every single prediction wrong, I’ll still be about as right as the mainstream media’s prediction about the election.
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Not sure anyone could make me laugh about this election, but you came close!
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Came close but didn’t make it? Damn, us liberals just can’t get a break this month…
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Hanny, #8, is one of the most despicable, duplicitous, lying, piece of hypocritical scum known to “journalism”. He never ceases to amaze; most recently flipflopping on the White House banning certain news media. It was deplorable bullying when Obama threatened Fox News, and now it’s simply great that the Donald is threatening the NYTimes and Washington Post.
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But you can’t really call him hypocrite, he does have rock-solid principles that he never lets go:
1) Anything Democrats do is deplorable.
2) Anything Trump does is awesome.
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True enough – only hypocritical I guess when The Donald does a 180!
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It’s still going to be the most awesome flip flop ever!
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Indeed, it will be UUUUUUGH! 🙂
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Another nomination: Bill Clinton, Department of Enemies. Trump mentioned recently that he had a very ‘gracious’ call from Bill. And, this will be a single point to which any and all failures of any other department can be directed.
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Is Department of Enemies will be the one to compile and update the lists of Muslims, Mexicans, and anyone who voted for Hillary Clinton?
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But wait, according to the 60 minutes interview, he suddenly thinks the Clintons are “good people”! Because insanity!
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When was this interview? Was it when he thought Clintons were good people years before the election, or is he thinking that now?
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Supposedly he is thinking this now, though just wait a few minutes, his fish brain may remember that he was supposed to hate them again.
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Bill being the only guy with more allegations of sexual misconduct against him than Trump, he would be a good guy to have around.
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Great choices all, but I think Melania may lose out for the top spot in the Department of Speedy Immigrant Expulsion. President Obama is a shoe-in. His people have been bragging for some time that he’s exported more people during his tenure than the previous 43 presidents combined.
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Well, he did have to figure out a way to increase the nation’s exports.
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Positively stellar! I was smiling through the whole list. Don’t be surprised if Trump takes a few of these ideas seriously. Chances are good he actually will put David Duke in a cabinet position. 😦
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I’m sure that David Duke is already busy recruiting some black people to pose smiling in photos with him to prove he’s not a racist.
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You are not helping me keep down my dinner, X.
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What do you mean, I’m not? I specifically published this post around midnight so that you would have plenty of time before dinnertime to read this post.
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😖
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I’m pretty sure this is supposed to be satire, but it feels more like the truth to me.
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We will find out soon enough if this was satire or not.
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I elect YOU as Minister of Esprit De Corps. It’s a new position. It requires a PhD in keeping it real, so you qualify. The pay is okay but killer benefits.
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Thank you, but if by “killer benefits” you mean a license to kill, Trump administration staffers won’t get that until 2018 at the earliest.
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Number 4 I’m sharing with my kids… they get the movie and the issue well enough to probably laugh their heads off. That’s right, X. You have cross-generational appeal now.
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And that’s on top of the cross-border appeal, I presume.
By the way, it’s possible my posts about Trump will now seem more funny when read outside of the US than when read within…
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You are the greatest satirist of all time, bigly. Marvelous.
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Thank you! A lot of people have been saying this, many great people, best people, and absolutely yuuuge number of them.
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What’s sad is that he actually is considering Sarah Palin for something – I forget what. Probably Dept. of Communications, that would be perfect. Also the former head of the website Brietbart, known for their fair and balanced racist news and conspiracy theories, has been chosen for a cabinet position. Because of course he has.
I think our one hope is that even Trump has no idea where he stands. If we had, say, Pence, we’d know we were getting total crap. Whereas with Trump, we might get total crap, we might get stuff that actually isn’t that bad (because he doesn’t know better), or we might get something even worse, like say nuclear meltdown. Interesting times, indeed.
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There are so many appointments he has to make, and I don’t think he has enough relatives and business associates to fill them all. So then it comes down to politicians he knows – meaning, politicians who endorsed him, which means Palin is pretty much guaranteed a spot somewhere.
The scariest thing is, with the caliber of the people Trump is considering, Palin may actually seem like one of the more competent appointees.
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Okay, the Cosby bit might be the most tasteless and most funny thing ever.
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I’m fine with it being most tasteless as long as it’s most funny.
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The Hitler clone didn’t make the cut, X?
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No – Trump won’t let a foreigner have a job when there are so many qualified American white supremacists.
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And yet, and yet, reality. Just as bizarre.
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And it’s getting bizarrer and bizarrer.
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Good list … but Hanny the Parrot and Phil Robertson got the best reactions. Someone from Alaskan Bush People could edge out Palin.
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