10 Personal Thoughts About The Results Of The 2016 Election

After a brief conversation with Barack Obama, Donald Trump is coming to a terrible realization that this president job isn't going nearly as fun as he'd hoped. Image source: CNN

After a brief conversation with Barack Obama, Donald Trump is coming to a gut-wrenching realization that this president job isn’t going nearly as fun as he’d hoped.
Image source: CNN

Unless you have been hiding under a rock somewhere, you must have heard that Donald Trump had unexpectedly defeated Hillary Clinton in the November 2016 presidential election (unless you’ve been hiding under a rock precisely because you have heard).  After the first shock has dissipated, I’ve collected my thoughts about the election – and then numbered them, as I usually do.

1)  Dear Clinton supporters: Stop calling America stupid. First, just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t make them stupid. Second, not only Donald Trump did not win the majority of votes, he lost the popular vote to Hillary Clinton, so if you want to call anyone stupid, that credit should go to the Founding Fathers who invented that abomination called “the Electoral College”. And third, if you had been telling Sanders supporters that Hillary is sure to win by a landslide so they should just get with her, what does that make you?
(This was a trick question, the correct answer is “Wrong”. See point #1.)

2)  Dear Canada: Hire more immigration agents. Like, a lot. Like, right now. I have a hunch you’re going to need them. Maybe think about building a wall. We have a guy who says he can do it.

3)  Dear Trump supporters: Congratulations are in order. But now it’s your turn to be disappointed when the president doesn’t deliver on his promises. Let’s just say that the wall on the border is probably not going to get built until after pigs learn to fly or after Donald Trump releases his tax returns, whichever comes earlier.

4)  Dear mainstream media: You’ve done such an excellent job of convincing the voters that Hillary Clinton is guaranteed to win that I’m surprised that anyone even bothered to show up to cast a vote for her.

5)  Dear people who chose not to vote, or voted for a third party because you didn’t want to pick the lesser of two evils: I respect your position, I do, and I hope you’ll enjoy the evil we picked out for you.

6)  Dear Republican party: You now have the presidency, the House, and the Senate majority. However, after a 7 year advanced master class in Senate filibusters, I guess that Democrats at the very least owe you the same courtesy. So now you’ll get to complain that you have the mandate, and it’s unfair that a minority can block a majority, and so on, while the Democrats get the fun job of prattling about “checks and balances” while accomplishing nothing useful.

7)  Dear Donald Trump: Congratulations! You have proved that the media and establishment support, money, ground game, and all that stuff thought to be necessary to win a major campaign is really not. I hope you’ll be a better president we were expecting you to be, and, in a bit advice, don’t ever, ever, ever use email. As it turns out, we as a nation are willing to overlook fraud, tax evasion, and sexual assault, but not ever using the wrong email account.

8)  Dear Hillary Clinton: ….well….. at least, the good news is, no one is going to care anymore about your emails or what exactly the Clinton Foundation does. Also, I think there might be some other members of your family who haven’t ran for president yet, maybe they could try next time.

9)  Dear President Obama: Thank you, you’ve done a pretty decent job as the president. But don’t think that your service will be over on January 20, 2017 – you are still going to be the one to get blamed for anything that goes wrong at least until 2021.

10)  Dear America: This was interesting. Let’s do this again in four years? Only with all different candidates, okay?

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About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
This entry was posted in Humor, List of 10, Satire and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

43 Responses to 10 Personal Thoughts About The Results Of The 2016 Election

  1. mhasegawa says:

    Pay attention to numbers 1 and 6. But some excellent thoughts.

    Like

  2. aFrankAngle says:

    Although I don’t agree with all points, all 10 are good reads. The biggest surprise is that you selling President Obama well short of his capabilities because his blame will go well past 2021 … he’s very capable of 2050!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Tippy Gnu says:

    Dear me: Stop watching political pundits on TV. They usually get it wrong. They contradict themselves. And there’s much more entertaining stuff to watch over on Netflix.

    Like

  4. Jim Wheeler says:

    Dear Congressional leaders Ryan and McConnell: Congratulations on achieving your number one legislative goal of repealing ObamaCare. The country is now breathlessly waiting for you to finally fix the healthcare system once and for all. Whatever it is, I’m sure it will be huuuuuuge, but please be careful. We are going to be living (or dying) with it for a long, long time.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      I think it’s a little premature to congratulate them on the repeal of the Obamacare – first, there are enough Democrats to filibuster it, and second, if Republican leaders have any brains (and I’m sure they do), they’ll know that there is a difference between having a symbolic and meaningless vote to appease your constituents, and voting to actually take away health insurance from 15-20 million people and pre-existing condition coverage from 200 million more.

      Like

  5. Elyse says:

    Dear Director Comey, Do you recommend the Cayman Islands or Switzerland for hiding money?

    Like

  6. Dr. Rex says:

    Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Very interesting … stop by & take s look!

    Like

  7. Here is another one.

    Dear European country (other than Britain of course): What are you waiting for?

    Like

  8. Gibber says:

    I have an extra room here in Canada if anyone needs to stay for a while. 😉

    Like

  9. rossmurray1 says:

    A somber 10. Understandably.
    And while I don’t necessarily agree with the sentiment behind #5, that is some masterfully worded rhetoric, X.

    Like

  10. Just because someone disagrees with you doesn’t make them stupid. Unless they believe incredibly stupid things – like that a racist, sexist, xenophobic tyrant toddler in a man’s body would be a good president. Or better than that lady with the – omg – emails. Then yes, they are stupid. Actually worse, but we’ll stick with “stupid”.

    Like

    • List of X says:

      Have you seen this article by Michael Moore where he predicted that Trump will win – and correctly predicted how he will win?: http://michaelmoore.com/trumpwillwin/
      It’s not so much about whether Trump is a racist, sexist, and a xenophobe, but about whether he’s one of the DC establishment or someone who can clean out the swamp there, and everything else – even the question whether he’s actually qualified to be president – was secondary.
      Just as with Clinton, there were those emails (maybe not criminal, but a firing offense at the very least), her vote for the Iraq war and a generally being a hawk for a Democrat, Wall Street ties, support of trade deals that few in the middle class wanted, and so on. And for you and for me, that stuff was secondary to the understanding that she would fight for the progressive agenda, at least compared to Trump. But if you don’t care about the progressive agenda, voting for Clinton given the things I mentioned does look pretty stupid, too.
      There are Trump voters who are stupid – but just because they look stupid, doesn’t mean that they are, it may mean they have different priorities than we do. To give an example, for KKK members to support Trump would be a pretty rational choice.

      Liked by 1 person

    • kitchenmudge says:

      A little understanding might be in order:
      http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-reasons-trumps-rise-that-no-one-talks-about/
      The Dems made a point of choosing the worst possible candidate to appeal to working class Americans.

      Like

      • List of X says:

        I actually remember seeing that Cracked article, and it talks about a lot of the same stuff as Michael Moore did.
        But I disagree with your point that Democrats picked the worst possible candidate – while Trump voters value family, hard work, religion, marriage, straight talk, Democrats could have nominated someone who’s an ultimate epitome of rich and decadent East Coast elite, someone who cares little for the sanctity of marriage, lies as he breathes, stiffs small businesses, and obviously hasn’t been reading the Bible in decades. Does that sounds like anyone you know?
        And it wouldn’t have been out of the question for Trump to run as a Democrat: after all, he was registered as a Democrat just a few years ago.

        Like

  11. Ankur Mithal says:

    What the hell happened? How did America end up with Hillary and Trump fighting for President? Diff candidates would be a good idea.

    Like

  12. 11) Dear Angela Merkel, you are now the leader of the free world. We are lucky to have you. Boring and calm never looked so enticing.

    Like

  13. There is a subtle, sadness to your irony and humor now… maybe that is because there is just so much about a Trump presidency that isn’t funny at all.

    Like

  14. Trump supporters wanted change and, boy, they’re going to get it. Hoo, boy, things are going to change. I can’t wait to see the looks on their faces when they get their change.

    Like

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