10 Reasons For The Secret Service Colombian Prostitute Scandal

Sean Connery as James Bond

The Secret Service agents must have thought they look like this...

Recently, the United States Secret Service became embroiled in a scandal when it was discovered that the Secret Service agents, who arrived to Colombia in advance of Barack Obama’s visit, hired local prostitutes and then apparently did not fully pay them for their services.  Amid the subsequent outrage and investigations, one after another Secret Service agents are being forced to leave the organization.  Since no scandals happen without any reason, here are 10 reasons why the Secret Service got involved with Colombian prostitutes.

As a part of their mission, the Secret Service agents have a duty to protect all presidential candidates, and the agents have been spending a lot of time with the candidates.  So the agents have simply picked up that behavior from Newt Gingrich.

Because the agents have also been guarding Mitt Romney, they have also learned that they should not be supporting bailouts of Colombian prostitutes with the taxpayers money.

While protecting Ron Paul, the agents have learned about the advantages of smaller government and legalized prostitution.  The agents then decided to get more involved with the legalization, and make the government smaller by losing their own jobs  in the process.   Also, they have learned that Ron Paul is still running for president.

The agents have not learned anything from Rick Santorum.

The Secret Service agents wanted to show those GSA wussies how the real men party.  Real men don’t need mind readers, because the real men have only one thing on their mind!

Just like in the Ted Nugent case, Secret Service had simply met with the Colombian prostitutes to make sure the prostitutes are not planning an attack on the president.

The agents were trying to establish close personal and business relations with the local population prior to the president’s visit.  It was not the agents’ fault that the prostitutes were the only segment of local population readily available at 2 a.m.

The scandal was meant to distract all media attention away from Barack Obama during his visit, so that the President could meet with other world leaders without being constantly asked by the reporters about what kinds of dog meat he ate.

The agents did not want to pay the full amount to the prostitutes because they were concerned about government spending.

The Secret Service must protect the president from all possible threats, including STD’s.

About List of X

An Ostensibly Funny Commentary* of the Recent News and Events. (* warning! may not actually be funny or a commentary. Also, since I am not quite sure what "ostensibly" means, it might not be "ostensibly" either.) Blogging at listofx.com
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9 Responses to 10 Reasons For The Secret Service Colombian Prostitute Scandal

  1. chancedagger says:

    Damned nice list!


  2. HoaiPhai says:

    With certain former Presidents, such actions by the Secret Service might have been considered auditions in advance of the Pres’ arrival.


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  5. voluntaryfiber says:

    My favorite thing about this scandal is the reported concern that “terrorists could have gained information from the agents through this exchange.” Like what – where the president lives?


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  7. Dominic says:

    Thanks ffor sharing


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