A few hours ago, Rick Santorum had declared that he is suspending his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination. That makes Mitt Romney’s nomination all but inevitable since Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul are way behind in the delegate counts. Since Ron Paul had been running for president constantly since about 1800’s, no one expects him to stop running because of such an irrelevant development. So the real question is, why is Newt Gingrich still running? Here are 10 reasons why Newt Gingrich is still in the race.
Newt Gingrich is the heaviest of the remaining candidates, and heavier objects take more time to stop.
Newt is only pretending to run for president, but is really looking for a younger and prettier 4th wife.
Newt is only pretending to run for president while secretly looking for a 4th wife, but just in case he is also keeping his eyes open for an even younger and even prettier 5th wife.
Since Newt Gingrich’s think tank filed for bankruptcy last week, there is no one left to do the thinking for him.
Someone told Newt that running is a sure way to lose a lot of weight. Surely his future amazingly young and pretty 6th wife would appreciate that.
Unfortunately, that someone forgot to mention to Newt that running for a political office can cause him to lose political weight.
Now that Santorum is gone, someone has to stay in the race, if only to make Mitt Romney seem like a reasonable candidate in comparison.
Newt has stated that he will continue running all the way to the Tampa convention. Maybe someone also should tell him that he could still participate in the convention even if he stops the campaign.
Since Newt Gingrich had practically admitted that Mitt Romney cannot be stopped in his way to the GOP nomination, it is then obvious that Gingrich is trying to stop Ron Paul from becoming the nominee.
By traveling from one state primary to another, Newt Gingrich is trying to make it impossible for his creditors to track him down.
I hear his future 7th wife is turned on by people continuing their failed bids for presidential nominations.
Well, I hear his 7th wife is not even born yet.
What would our forefathers have thought of this plethora of bizarre names in the presidential arena. We’ve got Barrack Hussein Obama, a guy named “Newt” and another one named “Mitt”. I for one am disappointed that no one named Puddin’ Face or Butt Munch is running (although I guess it’s permissible to assign either one of those names to any and all of the aforementioned candidates).
No “Newt”, “Mitt”, or “Butt” could ever hope to measure up to “Santorum” (particularly the Google definition)
Very funny, I love political satire, 🙂
Thank you! I love it too – politics without the satire tends to get too serious.
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